If you were to meet me, not having known me in my past... you would probably never guess that I used to be a fat girl. People are always surprised when I tell them, or when they see a picture of me pre 2006. People who have known me a long time do forget how much space I used to take up in a room! I showed my mom my "before" picture from the OCC Facebook page... and she said "that's not you!" she couldn't believe it because her mind has made that switch... this is Lori... this is the space she fills in a room... this is what she looks like. And I think that's true for most people in my life. Why is it so hard for me?
So... that leaves the question of "why do i still see myself as fat". I know what size clothes I wear. I see what the scale says. So why can't I just accept it and realize this is my new normal....
I'm not sure if it is because I was in denial for so long about what my weight was doing to me and my health. Is it because I was in denial that I really was that big... so maybe I'm in denial about my size now? Or is it because I still don't feel "good enough" whatever that means. Or is it because I'm afraid that I will fail at this so I don't want to get too comfortable in my weight/size now?
I think it takes longer for our brain to wrap our heads around this concept. To truly accept ourselves - whatever that means. That the goal is HEALTH... and whatever else comes from that... a smaller size, more energy, more mobility... THAT is the prize... that is the change we need to wrap our heads around and fill our brain with.
I'm not thin Lori, I'm not fat Lori... I am Lori... and I am good enough... so take that "Fat brain"...
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