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it feels weird being "alone"




so me and gio just got back from san diego. it was lots of fun but very tiring. i got two speeding tickets great now i have to go back to barstow...we got a nissan murano and that car is ridiculously fast like really fast. i was clocking over 100 and i didn't even realize it. each time the cops were so mad at me and made me get out of the car because they thought i was drunk but of course i wasn't. i know all of you guys are going to think i'm really stupid for driving so fast and being completely reckless but i'm really not that irresponsible its just errr maybe i got carried away a little...

anyway even though i was on a mini vaca i ate really healthy still. i told gio i refused to eat fast food so we always stopped to eat in restaurants. oh yeah gio knows i have the lapband. i still haven't told mario or jake. it just never came up with them. anyway gio still thinks its super weird when i take like 4 bites and i'm pretty much done. he's like are you full and i'm like no it's just stuck. and then he just stares at me like this girl is so weird and why would she ever want to do something like that to herself...of course he wouldn't understand how it feels to be obese your entire life..and you know what if i can't eat like a whole oversized plate of food for the rest of my life i would be very much fine. he asked me about how much weight i lost and if i was to stop losing weight and stay at this weight i am right now was getting the surgery worth it..and i said a DEFINITE YES! i've lost 116lbs you think i would ever regret that???! NO WAY!

walking on the beach was really good for me. being around gio kept my restlessness, worries, and stress away. he takes me away from "reality" and when i'm around him its just me and him nobody else and that makes me feel really happy. i'm kind of fighting with jake right now. he basically doesn't want to be my friend anymore because he thinks he can't trust me which is pretty stupid. i've never done anything to jake to make him lose his trust in me. i know it has something to do with gio but you know what he's just going to have to accept that yes gio is my friend and always will be. i don't care if they hate each other because they are both my friends and if he wants to act like that then maybe he really doesn't deserve me. gio thinks me and jake will be friends again but i really don't think so. he's really upsetting me with his cold/distant passive/aggressive act. i can't believe he's acting like this. i told him i was sorry i tried to talk to him but he is just so set in his stubborn stupidity. i don't know what to do about it so i guess i just have to let him go then...ugh just talking about this is stressing me out.

i decided to start running. like maybe just for 30 minutes maybe not run but jog for now anyway. i should go do it right now. but my ipod isn't working and i need music! i have to figure out what's wrong with it. there's a lot of things i have to figure out...



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