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Another mess of feelings!


AngieB

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I’ve slowed down on my blog. Here is the latest. I am so happy to have this lap band. Really, I am so happy. My hope for a skinny future is on my mind, and I am working toward a goal. Eating healthier and having portion control is huge for me. Really I thought this in between time would be harder for me, not saying it is not hard. To my surprise I have not stuffed my face uncontrollably or done anything crazy. This fact makes me feel good. I am drinking 60 oz or water a day or more and that is amazing!

The food choices I am making are better and that is a success!

I have wanted some junk food. Like this morning, I am driving on my way to work and thought, hmmm should I stop for a donut. I did not. I drove right by and had my grilled chicken for breakfast. Yay me! Head hunger is another subject. I have been noticing more my compulsion to eat, even when I am not hungry. Asking myself a few questions has helped like, Are you hungry? Is your stomach growling? I do find myself feeling in a mild panic when my stomach feels hunger. How funny is that? Like hunger is going to hurt me….The mild panic I mention is better described as the urgency to eat. Typing this truth makes me want to laugh at myself for being so silly. I really am a foodie and this will be a struggle for me. I am ready to take the bull by the horns so to speak and do the battle to teach myself all over again.

Not really sure how to put my thoughts on the next topic on the page. I’ll do the best I can. I am trying hard not to feel disappointed in my progress. Focusing on the journey as it is and accepting that I have not had a huge success in weight loss. One of my friends has had wonderful success! He has lost 50 lbs! I am thrilled for him, and can only imagine how great that must feel! Me, I have been at a stand still. Without realizing it, I had preconceived expectations that I would loose some pounds on the liquid diet phase. So you can imagine my disappointment when I did not loose much at all. I am setting at 17-20 lbs lost. This includes the 15 lbs I lost for pre-op. Even thought I have the head knowledge that this time is for healing, and the amount of weight I have lost is GREAT! I can not help but feel like – How could I have not done better!? No matter how much I know the weight lost is fantastic, I want to do better.

One step at a time, one day at a time.

My activity has increased! I am walking over my lunch break and have been out in the yard working too! I love spring and it feels great. I am planning on putting up my son’s pool today! Yay for water fun!

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