In another forum some one wrote "every one heals differently" and that is very true, but I do think it helps to hear others experiences, so at least if you have them... you'll know it's normal. Of all the research I did on the lap band I have not heard of stories like the one's you referenced.
Being 9 days post-band, I would like to think I have not felt or gone through any of the negative items you mentioned either.
I had/ have the gas pains, they are not so bad (the first 2 days were bothersome). I have soreness in the stomach area, nothing major.
In the first few days you realize just how much you need your stomach area... it hurt to laugh, sneeze, cough! But not extreme pain by any means.
I returned to work 5 days later, and have had no complaints of memory/ sharpness issues. I'm an computer engineer, and depend quite a bit on my wits. I have never gotten lost (post surgery). In fact I have had to drive myself to New Hampshire and Connecticut for several work meetings this past week (I live in MA). No hazyness or feelings of being spacey and my friends still laugh at my jokes, so I think my personality has remained intact.
The liquid phase is tough... I never realized how much I would miss the food, not just because I love food but for nutritional value as well. You have to make sure your intake is good, and full of the nurtients your body needs to heal. Keeping a journal may help with this.
There is great info and great people here, from recipies to questions you might not have wanted to ask, to reading about other peoples struggles and knowing you're not alone.
I understand what you're going through, I think we all went through questions and doubt, especially if you have heard such negative things about other types of bariatric surgeries. I am sure others will share their stories and I know it will help you!
Welcome to the forum!
And best of luck in your decision. I know I made the right one!