stormy Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Has anyone every really looked at that? Maybe our spouses feel safe when we are fat. Maybe we are comfortable and then here we are and they have lost the weight and we grow afraid. My husband and I are both getting the band together, but dont let that fool you. Our marriage has been on the edge for a couple years now. Having a special needs child, being over weight and semi-depressed, has caused a huge strain on the relationship. I feel like he dont do enough, he feels like he is pressured all the time. He feels undesireable because he is fat and I feel like I got fat and he dont look at me anymore. So many issues. There is no way to tell if the band can assist with these issues. But self esteem would help. We both sit around and get fat and that is causing us to be depressed. We need this to help us get moving again. I feel like his weight has been a real problem, his eating is a driving force. When he wants to eat, we eat and I admit, I dont argue. I eat too. We have had some serious talks about what this band means to both of us and how serious we are about making a change. But he has made it clear, he thinks I will lose the weight and leave him. I feel the same way about him. I dont feel like he does enough in the marriage. I feel resentful most of the time. I feel like he could send me a check monthly and I could live completely without him. What could change, nothing. We dont have sex, we hardly talk. He doesn't help me with our son. So what would be so different. Maybe that I wouldnt hear him yelling. That would be nice. Ok I would miss having someone to talk to once in a while. But all and all, we have got into a slump of being lost. If we dont get healthy and start communicating about our needs and get some sex going around here, I think I will go crazy. Sorry hate to be blunt, but ladies, I dont think we are born to live without it. Fat or not, give it up! Honey forget the cheeseburger and get over here. It seems crazy I know. Since going on the pre-op diet, I have noticed a difference in his attitude, mine too. we dont focus so much on food. Now we are talking about some real deep issues. Issues that have caused this fat problem. I have the feeling after the surgery, we will be coming home to take a hard look at our lives together. I for one am open to anything that happens good or bad. I am ready to make a change in my life. I think it is important to remember who we are and that life is too short to be unhappy. No matter what, this is the biggest moment of my life and getting the band, is going to save my life, I can work this program. I can learn to live and eat healthy. The pre-op diet has showed me that. Now the real work will begin on the 19th when I get the band. I am hoping we will discover what we need and how to get it. I know we love eachother but I guess we will find out if that is enough. I think alot of his aches and pains will go away with the weight loss and he will be a nicer person, making it a healthier relationship for both of us. I can only hope. Thanks for letting me rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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