asmartblonde

Yes Cookie I am still here with you! And again it is soooo great to be in it with someone who has had difficulty with the band due to emotional eating etc BUT is still motivated and willing to finally let the tool work.

To some of you...let me remind you that I have been banded for a year now and lost ONLY 10 lbs with the band...the other 30 was on the pre-op diet! I have been very resentful because I knew it was a tool BUT if it worked for all the other fat people that "nothing else ever worked for" WHY DIDNT IT WORK FOR ME? I am NOT a yo yo dieter...I have gotten bigger and bigger and never lost more than 13 lbs on any program (except fen-phen God bless it!!!!). Soooo for me this last week I have been doing liquid in am and then protein mostly...and let me tell you....I had diarhea yesterday from SUGAR WITHDRAWAL!!! I ate some to get my system to stop and guess what it worked.

Cookie I know that liquids at least for 2 weeks is great for you. I did not GAIN any weight this year....and I ate a lot of ice cream!!!! So if we can get on track and off of sugar by starting with liquids great!!!! I did no exercise last year either....so just think of the weight we can lose by just cutting the sugar "addiction" and moving a bit.

Again, I am right there with you girl! I love the support here and want to send out all the congrats and support to other bandsters However I really do appreciate finding a bit of community where the band has failed to meet our fairytale expectations and to go on anyway and kick this year into gear. It was not the magical solution for me...I have proved that but I dont want to give up.

Allison

YOU ARE HILARIOUS. "Jethro bowl" that is great. Well went to Trader Joes today and while I picked up a box of mini ice cream sandwiches I almost dropped them back in the freezer when I remembered that I vowed to buy no ice cream. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had Christmas wine and Cheese with a friend tonight. was nice.

And by the way Cookie...yes your husband is awesome. I am so glad he is ready and supportive of your come back

Allison

Thank you so much everyone for the support. I cant believe how good it feels to "confess" all I have been through in the past year. I think if I can really stay connected here it will help and YES COOKIE...ME AND YOU GIRL...LETS DO THIS. I really need the support and so now for another confession...I am a therapist...I am so good and successful helping others to set goals, stay motivated, counter negative self talk and attitudes...etc etc etc...but terrible when it comes to me...and of course my biggest downfall has been to think I was above needing help and not asking for help.

So today I will put my goal in writing: I am committed to losing 50 lbs (of the 80-100 I have left to lose). That will be my goal this year. I would like to do this before my 20th class reunion this summer (which for me could actually be very motivating) and if I can do that then I will stay with the same goal which is to keep the 50 lbs off for the remainder of the year. I just cant move forward thinking of 100 pounds to lose...if I choose 50 it feels realistic and doable and I know that I will look at feel really good 50 lbs lighter.

In the remaining 10 days of 2009 I will prepare for the change. I WILL NOT BUY OR EAT ICE CREAM. I am going to join Curves by the end of the first week of January. This is important for me because not only will I be exercising I will be doing it in front of others. If I continue to think or pretend I'll do it at home I am too prone to falling into this weird space in my head that tells me I am not really that fat and dont need to...and also will force me to overcome the fear of others thinking I need to exercise...I know it is weird but I''m saying it here for that very reason...of course others will look at me and think she needs to exercise...but just being out in public and knowing that is so painful that it keeps me inside...So Curves will be my compromise...I've done it before years ago but quit for the reasons I was just explaining. I will go to Curves and I will be forgiving of myself...I will accept my body as it is today and remember that I have every need and right to be there exercising as anybody else....

WOW...I really have gotten into a crazy place this past year. Thank you all so much for what you have ALREADY given me. I am actually laughing a little writing this and that is a GOOD thing.

I'm new to the forum, but I've been lurking a bit reading posts and I'm impressed with the knowledge and support on this board. I was banded in 2004, and lost about 50 lbs within six months. I was very excited with my weight loss, I pushed myself to exercise, and I loved my new outlook on life. Everything was going well until I experienced some major stress in my job. Suddenly the emotional eater came back to haunt me, and I learned that even with a Lap Band, if you want to overeat you will find a way to overeat. I started drinking during meals, and eating/drinking things I shouldn't be eating. As I said, if you want to find a way you will. Ice Cream goes right through...chocolate goes right through. I gained back nearly all of the weight over the past few years. Frankly, unless I eat something I really shouldn't like bread or cake, I forget I have a band. At my last fill about 2 years ago I was still 'full' at 4ccs, and I know I can get things stuck like meat, so it is definitely still working!

This past week or so I've realized how much I've declined, and I'm ashamed. I was seriously researching weight loss aids on the internet when I realized that I had the best weight loss aid already in my body, I just simply needed to start using it the way it was meant to be used instead of cheating myself out of the damm thing! I took a long hard look and realized a few things about myself, and I need a bit of help in getting these things resolved.

I hate to exercise. Part of the reason I hate to exercise is I get winded too easily because I'm a 30 year 'casual' smoker. What I mean by casual is 2-3 per day max. Sometimes I can go a week without one if I'm on vacation with my family who's not aware of my little addiction (I'm good at covering it up!). I know that if I was able to quit smoking the exercise would be easier. I have a new exercise room in my home with a LifeFitness Eliptical Trainer and an older Schwill AeroDyne exercise bike, along with a few free weights. Right now, I don't go into the room because I know I'll be huffing and puffing. I think if I'm able to kick the cigs completely I can start to build up the endurance with exercise easier.

I also have put weight on in the front of my body. My port area hurts a bit. I think I've put some fat on to muscle underneath the port. If I overeat and my stomach 'pooches' out, the port area hurts more. I can still feel the port easily right under my skin, but I think there's too much fat around/under it. I do NOT want to go to the doctor right now, it is not cry-out pain and it doesn't feel loose, just maybe...crowded. I'm thinking a quick 10 lbs could make a difference with that pain. If it doesn't, I'll go to the doctor.

I guess my long-winded and rambling post above is asking this: How in the world do I get my motivation back? I watch The Biggest Loser and I want to feel like that. I want to feel as good as I did five years ago when I was in size 6 jeans and dancing in front of people for the first time in my adult life. I want to enjoy clothes again. I don't want to be embarrassed for my husband to see me naked again. For a very short time I was proud of my body and was proud of myself. I fully embraced "Nothing tastes as good as this feeling does" and then 'poof!' I was back to my old self because of an emotional setback. NOW my emotional setback is the fact that I'm fat again and have zero willpower to A) quit smoking and get back on the Lap Band train in all ways.

I'm assuming baby steps are the way I should go... but does anyone have any thoughts on the first few baby steps I should take? Any and all thoughts are very appreciated!

Well Cookie, You have inspired me (you and someone else a few weeks ago asking if the band only works for the first 12 months and if you didnt lose weight in 12 months is it still possible). I had my lap band surgery with Dr Martinez last December (day after Christmas). I lost 30 pounds in 2-3 weeks prior to surgery AND YES DURING THE HOLIDAYS!!! After surgery I lost another 10 lbs...for a total of 40 lbs! Yes that is it..10 lbs post band. I need to lose 120 lbs total. I admit that I thought the weight would fall off. That I would not be hungry. That it would at least be easier than anything I have tried before. But it was NOT. I am desperate to start new and I am hoping that the band will still work as a tool for me. So in order to do this I am confessing all the things I think I did wrong and just want support or comments on from y'all if you are willing.

1. I have never embraced the dont drink with meals.

2. I dont eat often enough..I am lazy and dont pack a lunch and for dinner...

3. I EAT ICE CREAM a lot. (other bads are choc milk and right now egg nog)

4. I have not exercised ONCE in a whole year!

5. I've been smoking off and on... more on this yr than usual.

6. I have been ashamed...of even having the surgery so I havent told more than 3 people...and so I have not asked for support or sought it...I need to be connected to this site to stay honest with myself.

7. This one is not necessarily something I did wrong but it was a big part and always will be a factor...I had my first fill exactly 8 weeks after surg...so excited and ready to start dropping weight like crazy...4 months later I "woke up" in a depressed haze, crying, staying away from everyone and sleeping ALL DAY except for the 4 days a week that I work...went to my psychiatrist who is treating me for depression and had to drag myself there due to shame and dissapointment. Thought I was just depressed because my band wasnt working...found out however that the medication I was taking "stopped working" at the same time I had my fill which was about the same time my HMO changed my med from capsule to tablet...I was so sure this didnt matter..you always hear that generic is the same...HOWEVER and thank God for my Dr....he asked me if lap band might prevent the tablet from going through quick enough...which I find YES! and explained to him that capsules go through much easier...He said that the med I'm on...Effexor (which by the way was prescribed after many other failed and was working great for 2 yrs before surgery) is absorbed mostly in the intestines and so IF the band was holding the TABLET form in the stomach too long and most of the absorbtion was happening there OF COURSE IT WOULDNT WORK...so he precribved the CAPSULE form again...and what do you know in 1 month I was "normal" again. However that put me at almost 6 months post surgery and I was ANGRY...ANGry at the band and angry at my HMO for switching my med...and angry at me for not going to the psychiatrist earlier...angry at myself for blaming myself and and angry at myself for not taking responsibility. JUST IN A REALLY BAD PLACE.

So I also have a high stress/responsibility job BUT also have 3 days off a week. So what did I do for the next 6 months...I ATE OF COURSE. I feel like I have closed my eyes and drifted through the last year. Can I still do this???? IS IT POSSIBLE? Help and thanks for listening.