i posted an old pic of me 2 months before i got the surgery done which was basically at my highest weight ever. it's severely embarrassing and i can't stand to look at it too long because i didn't realize i was so big. ugh. the other day mario was looking at an old pic of us together (which reminds me i should post that as well) and he said you don't even look the same. he said he had to do a double take because he didn't believe that was me before and that was only last year. mario never really comments about my weight. he knew i was losing weight but he never realized how much i had actually lost up until now. i guess thats a good thing...

it kind of hit me today that ugh i still have 100lbs to lose...at first i was like yayaa only 100 more lbs to lose and then it was like uhhh WHAT 100 MORELBS to lose still!!!!!!!!!!! i mean what?!!! AHHHHHHHH!! so yes i am completely frustrated and annoyed. On top of that giovanni is going to hawaii tomorrow and he can't hang out with me before he leaves because he's "booked". WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!!!! obviously he hates me :lb12: he was like we'll hang out when i get back and i was like ok but i was so upset the rest of the day because of it. i'm still upset. i mean he's probably hanging with that girl bestfriend of his which is driving me crazy insane with jealousy and hate! i hate her i hate her i hate her!!!! i'm just never going to talk to him again! that's it! he's off my friends list and permanently on acquaintance list! no permanently on I HATE YOU list!!! how dare he put me on some second rate list. urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am so mad :angry: :angry: i bend over backwards for that boy! mario and jake only put up with him because i like him so much but i know they could care less for him. i am insulted! i mean yeah sure we hung out every other day last week but this is a new week and he basically disappeared on me! this has been the longest week ever. i'm glad it's friday but that doesn't mean anything because he's going to be gone for 9 days sitting on a beach tanning while i'm stuck in cold vegas seething away at him for blowing me off. i haven't seen mario in 4 days which is ridiculous because the longest we go without seeing each other is 2 days top. i miss jeri sooo much i want to go to san francisco so bad just to hang out with her because i haven't seen her for like 4 months and its really getting to me. and my sister disappeared on me too. plus i have to study for this stupid test and i can't seem to get anything right.

today i was craving hot cheetos with chili cheese you know the stuff you get at gas stations...and i was thisclose to actually buying it! but i didn't so i guess that's an accomplishment. i guess i must be an emotional eater or something. but i've been working hard to re-program myself and it's working. instead of eating my frustration away, i just sorta "work it out"...sometimes i'll just start dancing or walking really fast or i'll just write like i'm doing now.

i am really upset with giovanni but i don't think writing him off is going to solve anything. i mean he's really fun and cool. i really really like him, but i'm just so mad. well maybe i'll calm down in 9 days but then he said he's going to san diego for thanksgiving weekend with his friends after he gets back from hawaii. HOW ANNOYING! omg i just got really angry right now after writing that... :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: WHATEVER i am so OVER this. DONE.