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Deal With It


Benedict

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Stepping on the scales a few days ago to realise that I had cast aside the title of “morbidly obese” was almost as thrilling at when I first discovered Sicilian lemon pudding. Almost.As I left the bathroom, adorned with my new proud banner of “obese”, I was mentally working out when my next heavy-weight title adjustment to “overweight” would be. Perhaps I wasn’t savouring my obese label with as much pureed relish as I should have been.butter.jpgThis is what it took lose my "morbid" moniker!The one thing about slowly shedding a life-long disability is the dawning realisation that you may well not be fully ready to throw away the crutches and run as soon as you would like. Having hidden behind morbidly obese for so long and realising that in a few months I would be just overweight started to make me feel a little edgy. What excuses would I be able to conjure up when I didn’t fancy going for a walk? What reason could I give for feeling depressed some days? What lies could I make up for the reasons I never made it as a singer? I remember being filmed for a documentary for the Discovery Health channel and giving the sob-story that my songs would never make it because no one wanted to see a man of my weight on stage. I didn’t conform to the marketable beauty that all rock and pop stars must have. Soon, my only excuse will be that my music just isn’t that good. It’s a scary prospect that I may well have to admit that to myself one day and not blame the belly.Such massive life adjustments, whether for the best or not, are bound to be scary. It’s new territory that I am totally unused to. I can’t remember ever being anything but fat and, this time next year, I will be in the nerve-wracking zone of a normal, healthy weight. I just have no idea what lies ahead because of this change. Also, moving on from a long-term relationship into a small flat on the other side of town brings an even greater anxiety of uncharted seas ahead.In the old days (ie last month), I would take a short overview of the situation and settle down with a big fat steak - and forget it all. Bury my head in the sand of that huge unending desert that is emotional gorging. Now those wastelands are not part of my life - I have to find a new way of dealing with my upsets and fears. Maybe, just maybe, I will have to…gulp…deal with it!All this change and personal turmoil is certainly going to be one interesting ride and I think the best and only thing to do is sit back, watch it all happen and enjoy the ride.My Lap Band BlogMy Personal Site

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