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Guess Who Came To Stay



"I can resist anything except temptation." A typically wonderful quote from Oscar Wilde. A quote that rang trough my head yesterday as I succumbed to the lessening powers of The Band over Mothering Sunday lunch.

As I sat in my favourite restaurant and bar (La Place in Winchester - highly recommended!) I finished off the whole plate of Steak Haché et Frites (hamburger and chips for us lesser mortals). I had sinned and needed to birch myself severely. The reprimand I deserved could not wait. I needed immediate chastisement and nothing should delay the inevitable self-flagellation that would follow...well, nothing except another few more frites!

For those that don't quite understand the adjustable Lap Band, I will briefly explain where I am at the moment and relax my friends and family before they think the whole procedure has been a waste of time, stress and money.

The band was fitted around the top of my over-active stomach (fitted internally around my actual stomach - I am not walking around with a big elastic band around my belly). Effectively it is strangling the cavernous beast and creating a very small "virtual" pouch at the top which will act as my stomach in the future - thus allowing me to eat a small portion of food and feel marvellously replete. The effects of this are quite literally astonishing, as I found during the first three weeks after the operation.

Because the band was sewn in place around the stomach, there was ample swelling after the fitting, which means the aforementioned strangulation is amplified somewhat for a few weeks. However, as the swelling goes down - as mine seems to have done - the throttling eases off and one finds a new ability to eat again. This is where the beauty of the device kicks in. I have had a small "port" attached under my skin, just below my ribs. This is connected, by a tube, to a balloon that is patiently encasing the inner rim of the band. This allows the surgeon to inject a small amount of saline solution, through the port and tighten the anti-hunger grip, so as to achieve the desired full effect of the band. As it is best to under-fill and not over-fill due to obvious blockage reasons - it may take a few fills to get it just right. But it eventually will get to where it needs to be. Ingenious!

However, my surgeon has decided that he will delay my first adjustment for a month - he probably has some pretty mountainous golf courses to explore in the meantime.

Now, this leaves me in a precarious and worrying situation. To date I have lost 42lbs (in about 6 weeks consisting of pre-surgery fear and latterly post-op mush). With the help of the band and its swelling after surgery - I have to admit, losing this weight was pretty easy. Forgetting any emotional side-issues, the practical part of not eating the equivalent of a week's food for most people each and every day was simple. Yesterday however, I found my old friend hunger again. As the swelling settled, Beelzebub dropped in to live with me in my furniture-less bachelor-pad - and he came supplied with twenty suitcases full of Temptation. I think I am going to have to insist that he sleeps on the floor!

My band-fill date is 18th April - so I am now in the precarious position of having to diet like a normal over-hungry fat man for four weeks. Oh my God!

But - I am now prepared. Yesterday's realisation that I could eat normally, frightened the over-sized underpants off me. Living alone means that I can empty the place of anything unhealthy or unnecessary. I am not going to a restaurant for the next month - all my eating will have to be done in the confinement of my own home and I am going to stock up on carrots for my new best friend: the juicer. Who would have thought carrot juice would be so very tasty to a huge carnivore such as me?

It's quite an interesting challenge to set myself actually. I am very much looking forward to getting back the full effect of the band, but perversely I really want to see if I can continue to lose weight over the next four weeks and keep Lucifer gagged and bound.

Wish me luck!

My Lap Band Blog

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