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best interest..



so me and mom went to breakfast together for mother's day! i got her some clothes and i made her a card. yep, MADE! it took me all day to make too. I'll scan it soon so I can show it. I drew it and everything. it's really nice i impressed myself..anyway mom really wants to go to Hawaii. I was like ooooOO let's go then! she goes yes we will when you get to your goal weight that's your incentive. i was like haha how weird with the incentives lately...

i love it because i just keep on losing weight and it's just super amazing! so gio made a bet with me, a sucker bet obviously..he said that he doesn't believe i can be 160lbs by the end of the year...HAHAHAAAAAAA are you kidding me?! i could lose 30 lbs in two months if i really tried and he's going to give me 7 months to do it! hahaha and i thought he was smart...we bet 150 dollars and the loser will pay up. so that's my incentive from gio..money! oh yeah and also proving him DEAD WRONG.

anyway gio and i made up well sorta..we're being really distant and indifferent towards each other . It's bothering me a little bit, but it's getting to that point that I'm just really like whatever dude do what you want. like i'm tired of it. it's the same old same old with him and i'm really like ugh just go away then if you dislike me so much. like i don't even know why we're friends because he doesn't even like me. like he's so nice and sweet to diana and he treats me like a dog. and i'm so tired of feeling like second best. i mean all i wanted from the beginning was him and i have him but not the way it should be. like why can't he just be nice to me and not go on his mean streak with his cruel words and discerning looks. he makes me feel so low when i'm around him, like i'm not good enough or that i'm doing something wrong like all the time. and it's so ironic because i know i'm good enough and i know i don't do anything wrong. it's all him. i don't want to sound like i'm all that or what not but i have lots of friends, i mean people always want to be my friend. and he knows that! every person he introduces me to instantly likes me more than they like him! and i end up being their friend way after he's done with them. i don't know if that drives him crazy or if he likes it. i think its both. like you admire it but you're also jealous of it. it's also funny because he's always like trying to toot his own horn like he's like i'm so perfect i never lose at anything blah blah blah and i'm like gio please shut up like you're so lame if you have to toot your own horn...it's pathetic. people that know they are all that do not speak of it, they're always humble and grateful. they don't need to go out of their way to be like i'm better than you. i think he needs to grow up and get real.

so last night we all go out like usual but i guess diana is out of school now so she can come out which is cool i mean i like her but i just don't like the way gio treats me when she's around. i'm invisible and once again second best or rather not even best...because i'm invisible remember. so we took separate cars and everything. like i said we're being really distant and indifferent towards each other. so anyway i decided to just be like well i'm not going to be hanging out with him then and treat him exactly how he makes me feel. so i hung out with everybody else but him last night. he tried to make me jealous by being super super touchy sweet nicey nicey to diana and i was like HAHAHAAAA stupid idiot! like it mattered anyway because i was having the time of my life dancing with every other guy friend of mine! i was laughing up a storm with mario MY BFFE! sooooo guess what he does today..he texts mario and goes "omg did you see how jealous she was last night and acting all pouty" then mario was like "um no i didn't notice, she was surrounded all night by guys so i think she was preoccupied"...HAHAHAAAA then mario said that gio was just like "ohh.." and tried to laugh it off like whatever. HAHAHAAAA seriously what an idiot! like who does that?! how was i soooo jealous and pouty when the whole night all i did was dance and laugh with my friends???! i mean is he not only delusional but blind as well?! he's just trying to make himself feel better. sooo lame...

anyway i really don't care anymore. i'm really good to giovanni, like really good to him. i'll help him clean his room all day. i'll help him run errands, return merchandise for him, get him food when he's hungry, i'll iron his jeans for him and lint roll them on top of that! i take care of him when he's sick or feeling bad. I'm always sweet and very understanding to him. i'm never unpleasant to be around unless of course he upsets me but even that i just remain silent but i'm not rude. i'm always there for him, no matter what. but he doesn't appreciate me so if he wants to go then by all means please go. it would probably be in my best interest for him to leave. anyway i just need me. i'm losing weight and im sooo close to my goal weight it's just so amazing! like i should be so happy and only caring about myself, not worrying about who likes me or who doesn't. i mean in the end it doesn't matter, the only thing is what makes you happy. if it doesn't make you happy then it needs to go! so here's to me and ridding myself of negativity! yayaya!


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