When I was in the hospital I wrote the following in a notebook:
It's 0745. I'm sitting on my hospital bed waiting. I got here about 30 minutes ago. The nurses are nice. They made me put on a disposable gown and hairnet. They gave me an IV port and shot me with an antibiotic that hurt for a few seconds. So I'm sitting here wanting to write down the reasons why I'm doing this so in the next couple of days when I'm regretting it I can look back. I have 2 photos of my 17 months old daughter Kate right here and one of the reasons that comes to mind is for her. She deserves my "A" game. She deserves a mother who is healthy, taking care of herself mentally and physically, and can set a good example. Kate's first year was au natural. I made her babyfood, and I only gave her natural foods. Her first artificial sweet was her first birthday cake. Once she turned a year old though I started getting lazy. She eats ice cream whenever we go out, she'll take my soda that I leave sitting on the table, she's been eating a lot of chicken nuggets, cinnamon rolls, pizza, etc. She's not whining for these things. She eats them because I hand them to her. Or because I leave them sitting out. I don't remember her eating any veggies yesterday, I know I didn't give her any. I do remember her eating 3 cookies though. Why does she eat this crap? Because I eat this crap. On the rare occassion that I cook, she loves it. She loves fresh fruit, veggies, and wholesome meals. I too, prefer these foods. Junk food is more convenient. I don't crave it, it's just easier. I don't want my daughter to live like this. So that's one good reason why I'm sitting on this hospital bed today. The number one reason, which I guess influences all the other reasons, is because I'm unhappy with me. I am the key to my own problems. every problem I have is mendable. My problems are all mental struggles. Now I don't think this surgery is going to magically make me thin and all my problems will go away. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that my weight is my biggest struggle. This is what I need to tackle first. This lap band is the start of a long process. With this tool I'm having to learn to live differently. Healthier. I am a big believer that physical health and mental health go hand in hand. This is my chance to start a new me. Watch out world, here I come.
It's now 1932. My surgery went well. I can't take a deep breath and my back and front are sore. I was told that's normal and everything will be better in a couple of days. It's already feeling a little more manageable. I was finally able to drink water about an hour ago. I had four sips that might have totaled a tablespoon. They are bringing me some tea now. Before the surgery I told Dr. Masallam that I wanted to see them break the seal on the box and that I wanted to take it home. It surprised me that my request didn't surprise him. He said no problem. Everyone has been really nice so far. My husband brought me flowers and brought Kate up here to see me. It's the first time I've ever been away from her overnight.