vix

I wanted to update everyone on my drama. Gosh, I've only been here a short time and ya'all know more about my life than some of my real life friends do...lol

Everything has calmed down and all is well. My husband and I talked after he wrote me a long letter and it was as a lot of you said...he was afraid and worried. Even tonight he was asking questions that led me to believe that he's still worried. But, he wants to go with me and I made our airline reservations tonight. So...no stopping me now! The only slight glitch is that I had to put my surgery back 2 weeks because we have to order his birth certificate from Wyoming. Other than that, all is well. I will have my surgery on August 29th now instead of the 15th. It will sure be hard to wait those extra 2 weeks, but, in the grand scheme of things, I guess I will survive...

I wanted to thank all of you who wrote me privately, and those who commented on the thread here. I honestly can't tell you all how much it means to me and how much your strength helped me get through those couple of days. I read the posts every day, and you are all one helluva support group!!!

So, now I will probably be back to asking silly questions about my surgery since I'm still pretty scared.

Thanks again for everything and let me know if there is someone out there lurking who is having surgery on the 29th!

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to come on and let everyone know I'm ok. He's still not speaking to me, and it hurts a lot, but I'm trying real hard not to let it change my mind. I've already paid the deposit for my surgery on 8/15 at OCC. I'm gearing myself up for OCC and I completely trust everyone here on their experiences.

I have to agree with Phoenix and everyone else who said that he is a control freak. I've always known this about him and have dealt with it on other levels and in other situations, but I guess I just wanted this more than I've ever wanted anything else before...so I took that into consideration and decided that I was going to put my foot down and do what I had to do. Him being a control freak isn't a new thing to me...but I've handled it always before. This just was a huge thing.

The really strange thing was that before I gave him the letter, he asked me to at least tell him what it was about. I told him that it was about my having the weight loss surgery. He came over to me and hugged me and told me he loved me and that he would support me. It wasn't until after he'd read that the surgery was not only not covered by insurance, but that it was going to be in Mexico. That was the part that infuriated him. So, I don't really know what to think about that part.

Anyway, I will let you all know how things progress. At this point I have no intentions of not having the surgery. I plan to go on with it and if I end up with him leaving me because of it, then I will know that was what was meant to be. I know he's hurting right now...and probably more so because he isn't "in control" than anything else, but I'm hurting too because I do feel like I betrayed him in not including him in the decision. But, like I told him last night, I knew if I included him that it would never happen.

I'll be in touch guys and I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me that you are all so supportive. Without you, there is absolutely no way that I would be able to do this. So, when all is said and done, I will have all of you to thank. And I do thank you...from the bottom of my heart.

Hi Julie,

I just came on to give an update actually and thank you for writing. I didn't tell him last night...I was too scared. Waited all day to tell him...the day was going so well all day...he even got me flowers. But, about an hour and 1/2 ago I told him and it didn't go well at all. I've been crying ever since and am not doing well right now. He is absolutely apalled that I would go to Mexico and thinks that everything I've read and everyone I've talked to is all a scam to get me to go to Mexico so they can steal my money and leave me injured or dead. He said that he feels betrayed because I went behind his back and made all the plans and that I made a big decision without including him and basically that he can't believe I would be the type of person to do this. I told him it wasn't about him...it was about me...but he is absolutely livid with me...and I'm just crying my eyes out...so I won't be on probably for a while until I can fix all of this. I'm beyond sick right now.

Thanks everyone for being so kind and for understanding.

Vix

I also was wondering about baby food. Now THAT sounds weird, but I have a friend who lost a lot on it. That would be mushy...right? (Portions are small too!) hehe

Oh crap! See...now my anxiety is starting up...

I hope you feel better soon Cathy....

I am sure I will be fine and thank you all for the great info! It seems like a lot more people go alone than not. I just am a worry wart by nature! lol

Mizzoupoodle, thanks for the info on the airline. I will be making my reservation on Saturday and will check Southwest. Nonstop is definitely the way to go!

Talk to you guys soon!

Best of luck! I have the same fears...I am 2 weeks behind you! I can't wait to hear how everything goes...have a safe and fun trip!

Boy, I tell ya...you guys are all like angels to me! I absolutely, POSITIVELY could not have done any of this without you! I don't even think I would have had the nerve to learn about it, much less do it.

Julie: I said in the letter that I would be happy to talk to him and answer any of his questions, but that I absolutely would NOT argue with him. So hopefully it will work out ok. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Blazn: Thank you so much for your prayers. It means a lot to me and I know will help.

Denise: I agree with you about this forum (as I said above). I think that I am finding myself becoming addicted to this forum as well. It could be worse huh?

Phoenix: Very good points in your message. Fortunately, my husband won't find a long letter hard at all to take in. He is generally supportive...I guess it's just my guilt in using money for myself and feeling selfish about it, even though it will help us both in the long run.

Kittycat: Thanks so much! I really appreciate your thoughts.

Painter: I used your logic in my letter. My husband is 12 years younger than me and I told him how much I want to be there with him as we both age. Hopefully he will agree...

David: Excellent point! I think I will add that part to my letter as I "touch it up" the next few days.

Thanks so SO much everyone!

Vix, hun, how are you doing? :lb18:

Hi Paula,

I wrote my letter last night and it is 4 single spaced typed pages. I will give it to him on Friday. The good news though for me is that I have my surgery scheduled already and was able to put the dates in the letter. So we'll see how it goes. I feel positive, scared yes, but trying to keep positive. My trip to the OCC is in only 2 weeks, so I have a lot to do to keep me busy until then.

Thanks so much for asking...it means a lot. I will let everyone know as soon as I give him my letter. Hope you are having a wonderful week!

WoooHoooo!! I am so excited for you!

Isn't it so exciting to set the date?

Yes Kim...it's exciting but terrifying as well! If you remember, my first post here was that I was terrified. I still am! But now I am terrified about going alone, about getting all of the paperwork done, and mostly about informing my husband of my decision...SHEESH...I hope I am SANE by the time I get to OCC! lol

I'm gettin banded on Aug. 14 and also flying from KC.

Oh darn...I wish I'd have known there was someone here from KC...I would definitely have wanted to fly out with you. But, you will be there at least 1 day when I am, so hopefully we will meet. I am going to fly home on Sunday and assuming you will fly out on Saturday. Are you excited?

Hi Vix

My husband is being banded the same day.We'll see you there.

Nicolek

That is SO wonderful!!! I am so excited to meet someone from here and you have done so well on your weight loss. I will be talking your ear off...

Wow, good for you!! You have a date already..amazing!!

I hope all goes well with your husband, but if by chance it doesn't, keep your plans to do this!!!

You always have our support! There may be someone here going down for Aug 15th...check the calendar!!

I am so happy for you!!!

Thanks so much Cathy! You are so sweet and have been such support already. I will check to see who all is going...I just looked at the forms and am overwhelmed with remembering to do everything in a timely manner since it's so soon!

I'm SO excited! And I'm SO scared! I just reserved my surgery date with Lori and just received all of my info. As many of you know, I haven't told my husband yet (plan on giving him the letter on Friday or Saturday) and then need to make my airline reservations...or make reservations first...I don't know which way is up! In the back of my mind, I half am hoping my husband will warm to the letter I give him and will agree to come with, but I'm preparing for the worst. So...planning a trip all the way from Kansas City to Tijuana...alone...never having gone anywhere alone in my life...boy I'm in for an adventure! In more ways than one!

Alana...I think that you had remarkable restraint in keeping your thoughts to yourself and you should be proud of how professional you were/are. I had several women in my office where I used to work who were just like that. And, if they didn't say it to your face, they said it behind your back. People like that are SUCH pains in the butt! I agree with everything you said to her and I can tell you that I wouldn't have been as professional as you and would have said it to her. I don't deal very well with people who like to mind other peoples business... But, I think you did very well with how you handled it! I did like a lot of the other answers too..

I can't tell you all how much your comments mean to me. I will take every suggestion and comment and will use them.

I do want to make one thing clear - when I talked about divorce, I meant it in that I wanted you to know (and him) how strongly I feel about this and to demonstrate how serious this is to me. I'm not going to threaten divorce or anything like that, but that I would rather be divorced and healthy than married and unhealthy. That might sound selfish to some, but it's just me being honest.

I do appreciate everyone being so kind. This really helps me more than you know...

I apologize if I'm asking a redundant question, but I looked all through the threads and the OCC main site, and I can't find out how long one needs to be on the pre-op and post-op diet. I am set to go to a conference with my husband for a week on September 14th and I am wondering how much time I need to be able to be on full diet by this time. If I can get into OCC to be banded, do I have enough time to do all of the weeks they require?

Also, I can't seem to find out anywhere a straight answer on exactly which weeks are clear liquid, full liquid, etc. I read somewhere that someone had written that they went out the night before surgery and had a Mexican meal, but I thought that was against everything I've ever heard about surgery.

When I went to my consult here in my town about having surgery here, the doctor at the center said that he doesn't require a pre-op diet except that only clear liquids 24 hours before surgery. Since I am going to go to OCC, I want to find out what their requirements are.

Oh, and lastly, I never have heard anyone say anything about baby food. I know this is probably funny but I know someone who did an entire diet with baby food. lol

Thanks guys!

Thanks from the bottom of my heart for your answers...and thanks for not "riping me a new one" since that is kinda what I was preparing myself for. I literally have tears in my eyes from the comfort I receive when I read these posts.

It definitely is a complicated situation and my husband and I have actually been to counseling before because he has been to Iraq twice and we had to deal with his coming home issues. He knows how important this is to me because he has seen me gain. We've only been married for 7 years and I have gained 60# in the 7 years. He's a gourmet cook as well as a marathon runner...so he views my weight issue as something that can be taken care of by "limiting my food intake and exercising." Simple as that. I think that a person who has never had a weight problem doesn't have a clue how to deal with one or meet it head on. While limiting my food intake and exercising on my own might work if I was a different person might work...it's impossible for me. I just can't seem to control what I eat if I'm left on my own to do it. I need the band to control myself.

I can barely believe that I am writing this because I have only been here less than 2 weeks, but I feel as if I have friends here who have gone through similar situations and I feel comfortable here. I am prepared for several "strong" messages telling me that I am wrong and that I need to do things differently. I'm not sure how I will take everything, but I am asking for advice since I can't ask anyone else...so here goes...

My life is seriously miserable. I hate myself for getting to the weight I am and I have so much fear and worry about so much in my life that involves my weight. I have talked to my husband in the past about having the lapband surgery, but he had a friend whose wife was banded and all the guy talked about was how much she "puked up everything she ate" and how gross it was. Now, after being here for the time I have, I know now that the woman was obviously NOT following the diet that she was given, so I'm not at all worried about that. But, my husband is also a huge "penny pincher" and would never in a million years agree to my using our savings for my lapband surgery. I know that I can't just sit down and talk to my husband because we would never be able to get through the conversation without him blowing up and freaking out. Now, don't get me wrong...I love my husband and he loves me...but sometimes I don't think that he loves me enough if he won't agree to let me do something that I know with every ounce of my being that I HAVE to do in order to live life. And, the fact that I want to go to MEXICO to have the surgery is absolutely unthinkable! He won't even leave the United States for vacation to a place like The Bahamas because it is not in the USA!

So, this is the way I am going to propose my surgery to my husband:

I am going to sit down and write him a long note about how much I need the surgery and how much it will make a difference in my life. I am going to tell him that I've made up my mind and that I'd love to have not only his permission, but for him to accompany me to the OCC, but that if he doesn't, I will go alone and I will be successful in doing so. I will use 1/2 of the payment out of our savings and I will get a personal loan for the other 1/2.

And now the worst part of it:

I am willing and prepared to have him leave me if he feels I have somehow betrayed him by making this decisioin on my own. (Our marriage is based on us always making large decisions together, and this is a decision I've made on my own). I don't want a divorce, and it will kill me if I have to get one, but I have to choose my life over my marriage and that is what I am prepared to do.

I can't give him my letter until after next Friday when his son goes home from his summer visit because I don't want to do this while he is still visiting. So, I hope that I can do this...and please...wish me luck...

I GP told me that he was sure I had sleep apnea based on info I gave him. He wanted me to have a sleep study done. My father had sleep apnea and had to wear that mask. I never had the seep study done because I was afraid they would make me wear one. I sleep propped up on six pillows and take Simply Sleep to help me. This post has made me think twice about that.

Oh...definitely please do have it checked out. You will feel so much better when you are getting your sleep. I felt the same way and didn't think that I could sleep with a mask, but the mask I use has a little strap that goes under your chin, so when you start to open your mouth, it holds it closed and also you get used to it. I was a mouth sleeper forever and it was just a few days til I was able to breathe through my nose. The difference in how I felt during the day was absolutely amazing. I am hoping to be able to get rid of the mask at some point after I lose a lot of weight, but even if I don't, I feel so much better with my mask that many times I wake up at night and have to feel to make sure my mask is on because I can't feel it.

And, I also have known someone who died from sleep apnea and she was only 39 and not as overweight as I am.

I wish you the best...you will discover how much better you feel.

Thanks everyone! It sounds like as with everything else, OCC has it all under control. I plan on packing my machine in my suitcase because I don't want to mess with it on the plane. Since I was diagnosed with sleep apnea almost 2 years ago, I have never slept one night without out, so no worries that I won't take it!

As far as the diabetes and the meds, I am not on insulin, but I take 4 different diabetes medications a day and the fear of having to go on insulin was one of the reasons I decided to do the lapband surgery.

Thanks again for always answering the questions so thoroughly and with such sensitivity. I am just so thankful that I found you guys!

I have both and am curious if anyone else has these conditions and how they have to change things because of it?

For the diabetes, I am worried because I am afraid that my liquid choices will be even greater pre and postop. And, for my sleep apnea, I have to wear a C-Pap mask and am worried about surgery and my breathing.

If anyone else shares these conditions, please let me know how you have handled them. Thanks much!

Just saying hi with a photo behind my posts. I started coming here last week and have enjoyed it immensely. I have learned so much in such a short time and am so excited.

I have to say that I have 5 children and currently weigh 20# MORE than I did with my highest pregnancy weight. I feel like a house! I have never posted a photo before of myself on a board and am doing so this time because I know that this is the worst I will look. I am so excited about being banded that I can hardly wait. Every night I go to bed thinking about how wonderful it will be to be thin again and every morning I wake up thinking about the same thing. I wonder how I will make it through until I can get my procedure? (I'm trying to think positive since I am still quite afraid of all of the unknowns.

Hi Stormy,

I'm new here too and so excited for you! I am feeling exactly as you are! I am dealing with somewhat different issues, but I am terrified and excited all at once. I came here so scared and the people here have literally been saints with the way they have made me feel at ease. Lori is wonderful too and I know that everything will go well once I get to OCC.

So, just go full-speed ahead and I bet you won't ever look back!

Oops...sorry I called it a ring...I will get used to the terminology soon! Thank you!