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Worried about my husband...


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Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. But ever since we been back from Mexico all he has done is complain. I worry because I don't want him to regret getting the sleeve and from what he says he surely sounds like it, even though he says he don't. He is losing the weight and he says that he is happy about that but he has mentioned that he doesn't enjoy food anymore, that we are going to have to deal with the discomfort for the rest of our lives, that he cant stand not drinking while eating because he wants to wash the food out of his mouth, etc. I watch him while we are getting and he looks so miserable and its depressing. He doesn't want to go out to eat anymore cause he doesn't enjoy his self. He dwells on the negative all the time and I have told him that he will be miserable if he keeps saying "I cant do this, I cant do that." Its always I CANT I CANT I CANT and it honestly annoys me now. I have tried number of things, like, trying new recipes, talking to him and listening to him, giving him verity with foods. I don't know what else to do. I am talking about a man that was almost 300 pounds and would eat 2-3 plates at dinner, with a Hispanic background and the sleeve was his idea. He wanted it and I helped him make it happen and I am afraid that one day he is going to blame me and resent me for it.

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Very disturbing situation here, just keep praying for him, sending positive vibes over him and try to create that positive atmosphere in the house. Change your approach, instead of complaining of his negativity, try appreciating and complimenting him, making him see the benefits he will get from living a healthy lifestyle in a pleasant way.

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I am sorry but as someone who struggles with food you can do NOTHING. I know it is hard but even food suggestions he will resent you for. I know you want to help him so I would say focus on his triggers that makes him want to eat. STOP focusing on the food aspect of it. I don't know how long he is post op but it took me a long time to eat what I call "normal" now as in I can have what everyone else is eating just a way smaller portion. My husband did not get the clue and I would keep going to the fridge open close it walk away. He would comment. Finally one say I screamed " you are pissing me off and all I want to do is EAT and I can't even do that" obviously we all over eat for various reasons and most are some self soothing. I would try to help him focus on just well being. I hope you don't take this as harsh but the worst thing post op is EATING out ... because YOU cant eat just anything. baby steps. I would also encourage proper hydration and walking together.

If he would like to rinse his mouth out he can swish and spit or suck on an ice cube.

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Thank both of you for the advise. Reality has hit me that I cant help him. Last night I made chicken with mushroom sauce (one of his favorites) and pinto beans (well done) and he sat there with his arms crossed while my kids devoured it. After they left the table he straight up asked me "Dont you hate this? Dont you hate the fact the we cant eat?" I didnt fully know what to say but I did say that it is a major life change and it will take some time to adjust. He then returned with the comment, "life sucks like this" and threw his plate away and went to the room. Later I asked him if he would consider talking to someone at OCC to see if there is some way they can help and is responds was Why so they can just tell me to drink more water and that the vitamins. I dont want to give up on him but those comments are making it hard.

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It will get better with time, I honestly feel if he is struggling this much emotionally that it would help for him to go talk to someone. I would STOP making his old favorites and make him something he can eat. GRAY is like drinking while eating it hurts, NO soups, they hurt. Help him find new favorites. Does he like fish, ground meat is so much easier to eat, scrambled eggs, Chicken was the hardest meat for me as you have to chew it like gum so it doesn't hurt. cottage cheese, geek yogurt. Check out this person blog if you are very interested in helping with food. http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/

I hope I don't sound harsh and mean but you can't help him he has to help himself but if you want to make him food and things he can eat. Rich heavy foods made me sick. I could not do them at all, sweets were the same, it was like a little kid that got a belly ache. Here was my scale of what I could handle 8 months post op as I HAD NO cheats till then. I could only eat a mini cupcake with half the frosting removed and I was done, satisfied/full.

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The thing is he can eat anything, just a small portion. Enjoy the small portion . I lost 200 pounds , i eat everything but just an appetizer size. I still go out with friends but eat from the appetizer menu. Or If i order a regular meal , I ask the waitress at time of ordering to put 1/2 the meal in a box to take home. Food is too important to him, he needs to find a hobby or something that distract him of the food. He needs to stop focusing on food. There are other things in life that are enjoyable. I go for walk on the beach or ride my bike. I go for a 4 mile walk every day. Just get away from that fridge, But you cant do it for him, he has to do it himself. And if he doesn't he will fail and his stomach will set out again and it will all be for nothing. Just think how much more you can do with less weight and how healthier he would be. I really hope for you and him that he comes to his senses. Life is so much better with the weight off.

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  • 2 months later...

I agree with Newbie that you Can eat anything, just smaller amounts. I am a psych RN and I think he needs counseling. Someone neutral to talk to other than you. You have become his focus and he can't hear what you say anymore. That is why someone else may help. Good Luck!

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