How would you read this?

[Phoenix]

Every year my MIL remembers my birthday. She sends me a card signed, "Love MIL, FIL, [dog's name] & [2nd dog's name, if they have one]"

My two DDs and DH also get cards, but their cards come with presents. I'm trying not to let it bug me...it's not the lack of a gift, it's the "but not you" feeling I get.

Am I just reading this wrong?

Just to make the connection, 3 of the birthdays are right there together.

DD1 July 10

me July 26

DH August 7

Then DD2 isn't until December.

[Kittycat]

Hi Phoenix,

I understand MIL and FIL, but I am not sure what you mean by DD and DH.

Can you explain..thanks!

[Phoenix]

DD = Dear Daughter (I have two of them for DD1 dnd DD2)

DH = Dear (or sometimes another "d" word) Husband.

[julieburns]

Hi Phoenix,

I understand MIL and FIL, but I am not sure what you mean by DD and DH.

Can you explain..thanks!

Yeah I wasn't sure about this either. thanks Linda for the explanation. I don't know what to say. yes it must sting a little to also not be included as your husband and daughters are. It does seem to divide the relationship into "blood and no blood" if you will. I'd probably have hurt feelings also. But like you said it's not about the gift but the message it sends. Do you have a good relationship with your MIL? Has their been a history of conflict or perhaps she is just ignorant?, cheap?, not to be mean. What do you really think the root is, there's got to be one.

[Phoenix]

Relationship is good -- not mother/daughter but generally just fine.

No conflicts, no skirmishes. Cheap? It's hard to say. Choosy on big purchases (houses, cars, furniture), but dabbles in the inexpensive stuff on a daily basis. they're financially secure and retired.

I'm trying to see another point of view that makes sense. Right now, it just feels like "but not you".

[julieburns]

Relationship is good -- not mother/daughter but generally just fine.

No conflicts, no skirmishes. Cheap? It's hard to say. Choosy on big purchases (houses, cars, furniture), but dabbles in the inexpensive stuff on a daily basis. they're financially secure and retired.

I'm trying to see another point of view that makes sense. Right now, it just feels like "but not you".

Yeah I can see how you'd feel that way after knowing a little more. Maybe someone else has a better perspective.

Try and be happy you have a MIL who remembers your other family members so kindly though, I guess.

[Kittycat]

I have a MIL who has been very generous in the past, however since my FIL passed away, I think she's losing it a little.

Some years I get a beautiful card and gift, other years I get a cheap dollar store gift. My sons have been treated very well by their Granny, but a year or two ago, my oldest was given a box of shiney rocks and $5 for his birthday. Talk about wonder what's going on????

I would chalk it up to old age and appreciate her while she's here....unfortunately life is short and they can be gone in an instant. My FIL passed away very suddenly 7 years ago..and it was extremely difficult on all of us, I can't imagine losing my Mom or MIL.

[Phoenix]

You're right that it's cool she remembers. She'll be 65 in November, so DH and DDs 1&2 should have plenty of "mom" and "grandma" time left.

[Phoenix]

I asked DH after posting...

a) he hadn't noticed

he noted that the dog didn't get a card OR a gift

c) when he caught that I was serious, that I don't know what to make of it and that it's bugging me, he answered honestly that he didn't know, but he'd think about it.

I'm best just chalking it up to "one of those things" and deciding that they just behave differently than I behave.

Whatelseyagonnado???

[ackovach]

Hi,

I have the exact same thing going on, except we have only 1 child. It is really hurtful. I try not to let it bother me and just keep smiling. I really don't know we can do except grin and bear it.

[mona-camille]

Hmmm don't know either. Since both of my husbands parents died fairly young, I never even met them, so I don't have any experience with this.

Not sure how this relates, but my step-daughter sends me a mothers day card every year and I really look forward to it and love that she feels that way about me. Now, this year I didn't get one, but I honestly think she just forgot. She does get her own mom one, but she doesn't really get along well with her.

My husbands sister that just passed away always gets my husband a card and small gift and I just get a card, but I was happy to get that and didn't even think about getting a gift. They are poor, so I would rather they didn't anyway.

But, I am not in your situation at all, so I am not sure how to take it. I would probably be hurt a little though but thankful that at least I got a card. Not sure. Maybe it doesn't mean anything. Some people just don't 'get' how things might look to others. Maybe she thinks that what she is doing is the right thing and has no idea she is hurting you. Don't know, but try not to let it bother you. I know, easier said that done.

[Phoenix]

DH called his sister...

They have two boys. His sister DS1 & DS2 get gifts, her husband is skipped, too. (DS = Dear Son)

I'll chalk it up to a personal quirk. Now that I know, I feel better.

My DH asked why it was troublesome to me and his BIL. I likened it to all employees at his office getting 2 movie tickets on their 1st year anniversary. Everyone. Except for you. It was the "except for you" part that bothered me.

[Guest CaraMBA09]

MIL and FIL can be tricky issues.

Mine are nuts.

If you have a great relationship than I would not worry about it, but it is a bit rude if others are getting gifts...yet you are not being acknowledged.

Mine do it intentionally and after years of emotional and verbal abuse from them, my husband cut them off last summer until they get professional help. Hopefully your husband understands your feelings and supports you...as there is nothing worse than feeling like someone does not acknowledge you or like who you are.

all the best!

Cara