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Dieter's Prayer

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Someone I used to know used to recite this all the time. Not because he was overweight, but because of the humor it invokes. I believe it was by none-other than Bela Lugosi (yes the "Dracula Guy")....often uncredited and always added to, or misquoted. Still, a fine work, and felt it needed sharing.


by: Bella Lugosi

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot

incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!

Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.

To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!

With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall

into the clutches of cholesterol.

May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,

that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness

to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,

for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

Cake is cursed; and pie is awful;

and Satan is hiding in every waffle.

Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;

the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,

and Lucifer is a lollipop.

Give me this day my daily slice

Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,

deliver me from jujube's.

And when my days of trial are done,

and my war with malted milk is won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,

In a shining robe -- size 30 long.

I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,

the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,

And of pasta a la Milanese

and crisp-fried chicken from the South.

Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.


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