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dead serious



so I'm really upset because i just got back from San Francisco visiting my bestfriend who is more like a sister to me because we've known each other for 8 years and we've been inseparable since. anyway I'm really mad at her because she knows i got the surgery done and how rough its been for me my entire life with the struggle of my weight. so of course I'm basically on vacation and of course i eat whatever i darn feel like! burrito here some gelato here whatever...anyway she was like "wow you just ate all that food, i thought when you get the surgery done you're not supposed to be able to eat all that stuff"...she didn't say it like a question it was more of a condescending statement. so i think maybe i need a fill....but back to me being angry with her...she kept making really smart rude comments about my weight. saying i was fat and this and that. i know I'm fat duh that's why i got the lap band so i can lose weight and actually keep it off! i can't believe her insensitivity towards me. I've struggled with my weight since i was a kid and the people closest to me in my life have never had to deal with a weight issue. so they just don't get it. they think its sooooo easy to lose the weight. they think i'm a lazy fat slob who wants to continue being fat my entire life because i eat a burrito! its not about that that! i just want to be a normal young person. where i don't constantly have to be reprimanded for eating what regular kids my age eat! but i know i'm not normal. i know i can never be normal. one burrito for me will be exactly 5 extra pounds added to the scale. where as my friend could eat that very same burrito and weight gain would equal 0...its so frustrating.

its hard to break the "addiction" when what you're "addicted" to is what you need to live! this isn't like drugs or smoking or drinking or whatever..this is food, this is what people NEED to survive! how can you say no to something you need???!!!

also she made this remark about me having a "problem" that i should seek help for...first of all what is she talking about???! sure my weight is a problem I'm well aware of that and I'm trying to fix it. OK sure i eat ice cream every now and then but like i said before everybody eats ice cream so why can't i????!!! i know i know I'm supposed to be losing weight and ice cream is not going to help with that but you can't change over night...i didn't gain all this weight over night and i know i won't be losing all this weight over night either. it's going to take time and its going to take a complete mind makeover and big dose of determination.

but you know what? i think its pretty much time for that to happen now. my bestfriend obviously doesn't think i can do it so just because of that I'm going to do this the right way from now on! I'll show her! that stupid rude condescending urgh! i still can't believe some of the things she said. she is most likely jealous because since the surgery i lost 60lbs! yeah 60lbs! I think that's darn good if I do say so myself! i know when i lose 60 more lbs the catty snide remarks are going to get even more vicious and I'm ready!!!!

and guess what??? when i got home from my vacation i weighed myself and lost 5 lbs! sooo in your face about my burrito and gelato eating! THAT'S RIGHT! but no more burrito and gelato eating for me from now on. i'm getting dead serious and the next time she sees me i want to have a significant weight lost to rub it in her face! I LOVE when people underestimate me because it just fuels me that much more!


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