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why would i ever



started back to eating healthy again. high protein, veggies, fruits, whole grains, and definitely no white carbs or processed food! of course most importantly no TEQUILA, whiskey, gin, rum, or vodka! i only went clubbing with gio and he still hasn't contacted me. i think it might really be over..i mean i did tell him to get out of my life and gave him his belongings in a bag..ugh i can't think like that. his mom thinks this is like any of our other fights and it will blow over i mean he was mad at his mom and didn't talk to her for 2 weeks but he hasn't done that to me for almost a year now. he makes up with me within a few days but it's been over a week and thanksgiving is coming up..it would be terrible if we weren't together on the holidays :(

well anyway i lost 8lbs since last sunday! anddddd my sister had a beautiful baby girl a few days ago on November 18. Very busy week! Harry Potter came out and i've seen it twice already! i pretty much carried a bag of veggies and fruits with me at all times. i also hauled around a gallon of water and would mix my protein in hospital jugs they gave to my sister for her ice chips lol! i had to take care of my 5 year old niece while my sister was recovering in the hospital from her c-section and her dad works at night. wow let me tell you i definitely will WAIT to have kids. Maybe i'm selfish and hate being tied down but i'm not worrying about kids husband boyfriends family for at least another 5 or 6 years maybe 10 eeek idk..

i don't hate fred. that was just my frustration talking. he's good to my mother and she's happy so that's all that matters.

i can't believe i fell off the bandwagon of this whole lap band weight loss obese thing...i went all the way to mexico paid all this money and went through all these trials and triumphs only to forget what i was doing..i am doing this for me, for my health for my future and this past year i've treated it like i forgot the reason. i weighed over 330lbs lost over 100+lbs like close to a person well actually i did lose a person and yes thats a great success but i still have some to go before i can finally say i'm good. if i don't continue on the right path i'm going to be back up to 330 in no time..which is pretty much my ultimate nightmare. i used to have nightmares of binge eating and being morbidly obese. now i'm having nightmares of not finding the right outfit probably subconsciously thinking to myself you can't find the right outfit or you're wearing something ugly because you can't fit into anything nice...terrible..well i can see again! i'm going back towards the light! here's to another week! i just have to take it day by day. choose the right foods choose the foods i know are going to make me beautiful!


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