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Feelin' a little down



Not sure why -- but I'm feelin' down. Maybe its because its Sunday and I have to return to work tomorrow. I enjoy my job, but right now its not the greatest place to be. We have a new "manager consultant" in who is changing everything around and even though she's not there because of me or my immediate co-worker - she is there for everyone else and the changes she makes do impact me eventually. I can't imagine having her as a nurse when she was nursing ..... I know she can be nice as she is nice to me .... but the atmosphere at work is just not happy right now. I've learned from a couple of jobs that you don't need to get stressed over anything ..... they don't pay me enough money to get stressed at this position to be honest. I don't mean to down grade my position .... but really .... its quite blah. Anyway, nurses are saying they could be leaving, people are bitching and complaining and I've lost my office while she's here so I'm back up front with my co-worker who is strung so tight that when she unravels its scary! Very scary! Don't get me wrong, I like her .... its just she gets a little high strung (very opposite of me).

I'm stressed too because my mother-in-law is going thru some tough times. I love her to death but happy she's in Nova Scotia and we are in Alberta. The distance is a good thing. We went back for my brother in law's wedding at the beginning of the month and from the beginning of the trip it just kept going down hill. She's been diagnosed with ADD, Depression, possibly OCD and who knows what else. She's off work and because they haven't heard from her about returning (she's on sick leave) they have threatened for her to lose her job, if she hasn't already - she hasn't said anything since we left about it. Anyway, she's also addicted to World of Warcraft .... something that has run her life probably for the last 5 years. This is a woman who was falling asleep at work because she'd only get a few hours of sleep because from the time she got home to the time she'd go to bed -- she'd be playing her game. She doesn't even have time to talk to her son on the phone because she's busing "raiding" or whatever else. I don't have a problem with any games, but when you let it run your life --- we had even planned on having an intervention for her while we were back -- but we decided not to because of her fragile state that she's in. Plus we wanted to speak with her psychiatrist before we did so -- and time just didn't permit. She needs help -- and of course her problems filtered into our problems while we were down. A couple of days before we left she called us and asked for money. We aren't financially well off --- we are living in a gold mine of oil and gas here in Alberta -- but we don't work out at site so done reap the benefits of the salaries some of these people make. But she bought a $450 dress for the wedding and .... needed $200 because she couldn't afford the entire amount. My answer - take the dress back - you don't need a dress like that for the wedding. Did i say that? No -- but I definitely told my husband. He asked me if we could help her -- and I told him we'd have to think about it because we have our own expenses -- but I also know that deep down, helping them financially - is not good. We're just enabling her --- Anyway .... we fly into Halifax at 630am from an overnight flight and who's not there? His mom. at 7am we finally get a hold of her and she had only woken up 10 minutes before that --- after traveling all night ... she couldn't even be there to pick us up - it was an hour and 20 minutes after we landed that she finally showed up .... and it just set the tone for the entire trip. She's obsesses with dressing my niece in all matching clothes. Don't get me wrong - I think kids should look good in their clothes, but if they don't always wear all coordinating clothes .... who cares. She's 2! Well his mom has this fit when my nieces parents don't dress her in clothes that coordinate. It was funny at first, but then just annoying ..... She's spent so much money on her clothes because when she comes from her parents house to Nan's ..... she'll get changed again into something that Nan has bought. You know why she has no money? Because she buys hundreds of dollars of clothes. Anyway, I could go on about that -- but I won't!

So we go to my brother in laws the night before the wedding --- my husband wasn't in the wedding party (or was his other brother). We were told we had to go to the rehearsal because both brothers were ushers ..... and then we had to go and decorate the hall.... at 1030 at night! (after Bingo of course!) Anyway we were there until 2:30am and then had to get up early the next morning because the bride's mother and father needed help at the hall with the rest of the food. While we were there (the only two and them) she asked me if I would mind staying in the kitchen and ensuring that the food in the buffet stayed full - meaning to top up the turkey, buns, coleslaw ... etc.... I couldn't sit with my family for anything until after dinner .... what was I suppose to say? The bride had two people cancel on her and I felt bad but I was angry as someone else should have done it rather than the sister in law..... Anyway, just glad that night is over and done with .... the next day we are going out on the boat -- my husband's uncle and aunt are taking us out for a boat ride out on the ocean. His uncle told his mom that she couldn't come because there wasn't enough room on the boat .... This day was probably the only great day I had while I was there --- we saw whales, dolphins, seals and had such a great time .... That night we drove back into Halifax and stayed with Devin's mom -- who chewed out Devin because she couldn't go on the boat. All I could hear from the bedroom was "f-this" and "f-that" and she was yelling at him. The door slammed and then he came into the bedroom ... she went out for a smoke and he came in to tell me that she was angry and taking it out on him. It wasn't even him that decided it! Oh and then ... she had the balls to ask for the money ..... we thought knew that if we avoided the subject and stayed away from her --- we wouldn't give her the money -- but she cornered him that night and asked him for it. What did he do? He gave it to her -- so then that caused us to fight .... I don't think I have ever gone to sleep angry at my husband before. Anyway, it Devin talked to her about it and said that we really shouldn't have given it to her because we needed it for bills ... and she sent us the money back. When we left -- she apparently had $40 to her name. I just don't know what to do --- I know that its not really my problem .... but .... I just don't know what to do - I want to help, but don't know what I can do. Its a blessing that i'm here though ..... and away from all of that!

So our vacation didn't really even feel like a vacation -- and I'm still stressed about it all -- even though I shouldn't be. And i think thats why I may not be losing weight because I'm a little stressed. Plus, we just found out last week that Devin's uncle was diagnosed with cancer .... who will be starting chemo very soon. Oh yeah, we had Devin's grandpa's funeral while we were there too ....

I go for a fill on Wednesday which I'm excited about - I hope that I'll start losing weight from that day on ..... and the only other thing that has me excited is that we are going down to Lake Louise for Thanksgiving. Devin gets cheap hotels and we're staying three nights for only $100. Otherwise we'd be staying in Banff or Calgary -- but just to be down in civilization will be great too! I miss Calgary too much and can't wait til we're outta Fort McMurray in two years! I also just got my second "aunt flo" after my miscarriage in May --- so I think my hormones are outta whack a little and thats why the "down in the dumps" feeling ....hopefully it'll go away soon. I can't wait until January / February to start trying for a baby and hopefully have no complications this time around! We are going to Mexico in March so that does keep me happy to think about!!

I know I don't have it bad ..... things could always be worse .... its just sometimes everything seems to add up all at once and gets to be so overwhelming. My parents are in Florida until december now -- and then they are home for a few weeks and take off January 1st for Mexico. I'm missing them alot - I talk to my mom usually a couple times a day and now ... only once every couple of days. My dad sent me a card with $100 in it and its one of those Hallmark ones that you record a message and its my dad saying how happy and proud he is of me and calls me "pumpkin" -- dad's nickname for me growing up. Made me cry but makes me so happy for what I have with my family.

Anyway, I don't even know why I have written this much -- I guess I just was feeling I needed to get everything out cause its been bottled up inside me now for the last month .... its been driving me nuts!!!

Time for bed now ----- well, one load of laundry before I do call it a night!



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