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Frustrated with the Forum


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I am extremely frustrated lately with the forum and the increased amount of critizism that I have endured and others have as well, for giving our honest opinions.

To clarify, I am not perfect, the pre-op diet over the past couple of weeks proved that. I cheated and ate a whole can of pringles light in one day. But you didn't hear about it. I chose to take responsibility for my actions and get back on track to reach my goal before surgery.

Now that I am banded, I expect that there will be days when I am going to stray off course, but you won't hear about that either. As an adult who made a very adult decision to be banded on Tuesday, I have to take responsibility for my actions. I am the only one responsible for the results.

I realize that everyone is struggling, some more than others. Enabling those who choose the wrong path is not helping them. Being supportive but tough is what they are asking for when they post their indiscretions. I choose not to be an enabler. I am driven to meet my goal and want to share that drive with whomever needs it. But, you have to be willing to handle the truth! Unfortunately, I have found out that there are those who cannot.

I joined three WLS forums when I made the decision to be banded. I abandoned the other two for this one, because I felt like I was part of a very supportive family. I love to see MamaMichelle's progress pics and talk to LisaL about how she met her goal. I also learn from those who are struggling with losing weight, what to do right and what not to do.

I can take the critizism for being honest, I am a very strong person, but I don't feel that I deserve it. I have always provided my support, whether it be cheering for fabulous results or telling someone to stop whining about not losing weight when your are eating handfuls of cookies...it's all support!! And isn't that what this forum is all about!

Like I have said before, you are the best friends I have never met, I mean that. I respect you and your opinions and I would like the same courtesy.

Have a wonderful day everyone and get driven!!!

Cathy

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Guest cedartown

Don't worry Cathy.Read what jena posted on another thread.

"Reasons to follow these guidelines.

I have studied thousands of patients and found common things to those who succeed and those who fail.

Those that follow these statements tend to lose around 30% of their excess weight during the first two months. They also reach their weightloss goal earlier (sometimes less than a year) and with less fills and no complications." - Dr. Ortiz

I'm sure there is a silent majority here who feel the way we do.As proof I can just look at the support in my inbox.

Most told me they didn't post to avoid exactly what is being said,in fear of the blowback,but i don't care as long as my point is made.

In fact,jena & Dr. O seem to make it better than I do.

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Don't worry about it, I love you and think you're an absolutely amazing person with a great spirit!

We have so many different personalities in our community, and that’s what we are, we’re a community of people trying to better ourselves with a tool put in us by Dr. Ortiz. We just need to come to terms that we are all different (and we're going to go about using it differently) but honestly I’d hate it if we were all the same – it would be so damn boring. I just love Mona and want to give her a hug all the time, and Dawnie, she’s such a feisty personality I’d like to have an arm wrestle with her – normally I win these with women, but I have a feeling Dawnie may kick my butte’.

We’re all different and sometimes a pain, but we’re pretty damn cool.

Take care,

Lisa

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Don't worry about it, I love you and think you're an absolutely amazing person with a great spirit!

We have so many different personalities in our community, and that’s what we are, we’re a community of people trying to better ourselves with a tool put in us by Dr. Ortiz. We just need to come to terms that we are all different (and we're going to go about using it differently) but honestly I’d hate it if we were all the same – it would be so damn boring. I just love Mona and want to give her a hug all the time, and Dawnie, she’s such a feisty personality I’d like to have an arm wrestle with her – normally I win these with women, but I have a feeling Dawnie may kick my butte’.

We’re all different and sometimes a pain, but we’re pretty damn cool.

Take care,

Lisa

You are so right Lisa and thanks! I love the fact that everyone is different, that's what makes it interesting and addictive.

I also feel that honesty is the best policy and part of being in this family is respect for one another's opinions, I guess I wasn't feeling the love after some of my honesty.

Take care, Cathy

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Guest cedartown

Sometimes honesty hurts.

When i was about 10 years old i saw my mom tell a complete stranger to wipe a booger off his nose. :ph34r:

The man got mad.

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Kitty,

From me to you continue with what you're doing. You are so helpful and encouraging and I would miss you if you left. I admire honesty regardless of the cost. We are all here for a directed purpose and we all need to be tuned in from time to time. Truthfully, if you are just telling me what I want to hear I'm not much interested in what you have to say. Same goes for Cedar. Not everybody will be at the same headspace at the same time but we'll all get there eventually. It's not about blame/shame thinking, it's kind of an enforced learning process by virtue of the band. People will take what they want from your posts and disregard the rest and that's their right and privilege. Posting is cathartic and part of the journey. I know that you just want everyone to succeed. Your message to me is pretty damned clear!

Hugs!

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Kitty,

From me to you continue with what you're doing. You are so helpful and encouraging and I would miss you if you left. I admire honesty regardless of the cost. We are all here for a directed purpose and we all need to be tuned in from time to time. Truthfully, if you are just telling me what I want to hear I'm not much interested in what you have to say. Same goes for Cedar. Not everybody will be at the same headspace at the same time but we'll all get there eventually. It's not about blame/shame thinking, it's kind of an enforced learning process by virtue of the band. People will take what they want from your posts and disregard the rest and that's their right and privilege. Posting is cathartic and part of the journey. I know that you just want everyone to succeed. Your message to me is pretty damned clear!

Hugs!

Thanks Jann!

Get Driven!!! Cathy

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Lisa: I LOVE YOU! I WANT YOUR BODY :)

Don't worry about it, I love you and think you're an absolutely amazing person with a great spirit!

We have so many different personalities in our community, and that's what we are, we're a community of people trying to better ourselves with a tool put in us by Dr. Ortiz. We just need to come to terms that we are all different (and we're going to go about using it differently) but honestly I'd hate it if we were all the same – it would be so damn boring. I just love Mona and want to give her a hug all the time, and Dawnie, she's such a feisty personality I'd like to have an arm wrestle with her – normally I win these with women, but I have a feeling Dawnie may kick my butte'.

We're all different and sometimes a pain, but we're pretty damn cool.

Take care,

Lisa

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Hey Kitty Kat! Do not give up on the forum. While I do not believe in telling people there is no way to return from a mistake, I do believe that it is each persons responsibility to make the right choices and they are the ones that have to live with those choices.

Keep in mind that people are motivated in different ways. While you and I make a mistake, realize it, and move on; some people cannot do this. Some people just need that little push to move them back in the right direction.

Keep on trucking girl! :D

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Cathy, I think that it is fantastic that you give others on this forum your honest opinion, and that you don't try and enable them to continue making the same mistakes over and over again. Don't stop giving your honest opinion just because some people can't face the cold hard truth and realize that the way they are choosing to eat is NOT OKAY - especially considering that they have an $8000 tool inside of them that they could potentially be damaging. Not only that, but by saying 'oh, its okay. tomorrow is another day, just get back on the wagon tomorrow' etc etc, it only exacerbates the problem because these people KNOW that without fail, every time they mess up, there will be someone there to tell them its OKAY.

I have had some mess ups since I have been banded - sure. No one is perfect! I had a small amount of salad a few days in a row, and I felt so damn full/almost like I was going to vomit for like 2 days straight, and I have not made that mistake again since then!! There are some, though, who despite the fact that what they are eating is making them vomit or whatever, they continue to make that same mistake. That is where the 'tough love' needs to intervene - this is what you do best, so keep doin it, sister! Hold your head high and be proud that you are someone who truly cares, and you care enough to be tough and honest. ><'

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I think the most important thing for us all to remember is that we are all individuals with individual opinions and personalities. Our minds are all different and what works for one will not work for another. Some people need encouragement some people need a kick in the pants. Everyone absorbs critisism and advice differently. You cannot force your opinion on someone and expect them to have the same opinion as everyone else. (Of course, being the person that I am, I try to do that anyway).

That is what makes us all individuals. And we all need to learn a little tolerance for each other and remember that we are all individuals. That being said, I really don't think anyone appreciates being yelled at. (Now thats a tough cookie for me to swallow because I love to yell). I am sure we all appreciate advice and encouragement, but yelling is unacceptable - even from me!

To answer the question of what happened on this forum, is simple. People expect everyone to have the same mindset, the same opinion, the same ideals, the same struggles. But, in reality, no-one is the same. We are all like individual snowflakes and that is what needs to be remembered by all.

In my opinion (which may or may not be the expressed opinion of anyone else on here) is that if you don't like a certain post, then don't read it. If you don't have anything constructive to say without yelling or bellittling someone, pon't post it.

Simple, no?

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I must have missed something, because I have no clue what this is about.

However, I have learned that all message boards are the same. I have been an Admin of a Mommy board for 4 years now and there are just so many different personalities and opinions and there is bound to be drama.

I really find this community very supportive and I simply adore all my lap-band friends. I hope we can get past this and go on with our supportive ways.

By the way..Cathy I think you are terrific!! ><'

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OMG.. you are KIDDING!

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I hereby give carte blanch permission to steer me back on path if I go sideways. Support is one thing, enabling quite another. I recognize that we are all in different headspaces and move at different paces and I'm good with that. I've accepted that if it takes a year to take off 65+ pounds that's what it takes. I'm not in competition and I'm not going to stress myself out. I'll follow the prescribed guidelines, expect to fall off as it's human nature, take my hit and keep going forward. Everyone is undergoing massive physiological and psychological changes right now and we will all deal differently. For me head on and direct wins the day.

Hugs to all!

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Guest cedartown

I have 4 very nasty emails from Mona in which i'm pondering to post.I begged her to stop this last night,but she won't stop & i'm too stupid not to reply.I deleted the post but she quoted it before i had a chance.

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Cathy,

YOU know that you and I click. :)

There have been times when I have been upfront and honest with people, and while theyre pushing back, you are there rooting me on because you know I will not tell them tomorrows another day. I really appreciated that, so thank you!

Though I feel like we can cut the air in this forum with a butter knife, I am still very happy that you and Cedartown had the nerves to step up and say something. I, unfortunately, avoid conflict whenever possible, especially with people who I don't know. But when I have the support from the two of you, and feel like I am not alone, I will stand with my head up! :D

I have not posted much this week, because I am tired of the same people having the same negative attitude constantly. What people need to understand is, is when you come here for support, there are some people who are going to hold your hand, people who are going to give advice on how to fix it. These people can have positive input, or negative input. YOU HAVE TO PICK THE RESPONSE THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU.

If people saying that they are in the same boat helps you, then so be it. But that doesn't FIX anything, just tells you you're not alone.

If people say that tomorrows another day, how does that stop you from cheating tomorrow?

If people are reiterating the guidelines to you, or help you point out where the problem is, you can walk away with that knowledge and try to apply it to your personal life in which ever way you can. THATS SUPPORT TO ME.

But in the past, I have been slapped in the face for helping people realize which guideline they are lacking. There are numerous times when I have been thanked and appreciated, and that feels good.

But the one or two times I have been slapped in the face, or jabbed at in constant posts, I threw my hands up.

The best band veterans out there are hardly ever on the forum anymore. Snowbird & Clynn to name the best...which some of you probably don't even know who they are. They have been the ones banded the longest, and they are related. Mother & daughter, and the hubby is banded too. The best supportive people that I have ever met. I take everything they say in, and am grateful for it. But where are they? Why aren't they on this forum anymore? :lb12:

Anyways, I am not here to tell people what they want to hear, but I will hold your hand and tell you repeatedly that you can do this. I have NEVER dieted before in my life, while the majority of us are yoyo dieters. So these guidelines, this self discipline is new to me, and to see other who have dieted before eating everything in sight makes me upset that you HAVE the self control, but now that you have the band, you choose not to control yourself because you think your band will...WRONG!

Thanks Evette, I think you are right, we do click!

I appreciate your support and your words.

Have a wonderful day!

Cathy

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Kummmm baaaaahhhhh yahhhhhhhhh my Lord......

Kummmm baaaaahhhhh yahhhhhhhhh .......

Let's move forward and be positive please? Thank you!! We've all had enough hell raised at us because we're BIG... I SURELY don't think we want to bicker among ourselves.

Erin... wanna sing some more with that sultry voice of yours??

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I must have missed something, because I have no clue what this is about.

However, I have learned that all message boards are the same. I have been an Admin of a Mommy board for 4 years now and there are just so many different personalities and opinions and there is bound to be drama.

I really find this community very supportive and I simply adore all my lap-band friends. I hope we can get past this and go on with our supportive ways.

By the way..Cathy I think you are terrific!! ><'

Thanks Kim, things have been getting pretty dramatic over the past couple of weeks due to my honesty and no nonsense opinions. But I have tremendous support and soul mates right here, which is fabulous!

Take care Cathy

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Woah, this has gotten heavy duty. I just wanted say that I have appreciated the advice, encouragement, and swift kicks in the bum given to me by almost every single person involved in this post. No one can anticipate ahead of time how their opinion will be interpreted really (black and white type without the room for facial expression and tone of voice can really exacerbate this problem) but in the end, all a person is responsible for is their intention. In my experience, all the feedback I've recieved here has been in my best interest, and I appreciate all of you for that and it's why I keep coming back to the forum.

Sending out deep breathing techniques and calm, loving vibes... ><'

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Kummmm baaaaahhhhh yahhhhhhhhh my Lord......

Kummmm baaaaahhhhh yahhhhhhhhh .......

Let's move forward and be positive please? Thank you!! We've all had enough hell raised at us because we're BIG... I SURELY don't think we want to bicker among ourselves.

Erin... wanna sing some more with that sultry voice of yours??

hahaha!!! Ohhhhh loooord kummmmm baaaahhhhhh yahhhh!!!! lol! :wacko:

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