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How to deal with people who arent banded


stormy
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My friend is 280 pounds. She is 5'4. She is refusing to get the band and that is fine. But I share with her my experience. I can't help it, she is my friend. She told me the other night, that she was envyious and alittle angry about the whole thing because she is on a diet and is not losing. I told her that I dont know what to say. I can't help that I am taking a different approach to this, than she is. She told me that she has struggled her whole life and that it is unfair that this is going to be easy for me. I explained to her this is not easy. She now has stopped calling so much and is telling me that she will be very busy now. I know she will be with work but we have always made time. I hate to see this get in the way of our friendship. It has also affected people at my work. They tell me that they will never give up eating and that they hate being fat. They wish me lucky and then I hear them talk behind my back, that I was crazy to do this and that they will be mad if it works.

I really dont know what to say. Am I going to lose friends over this. People should be happy for me. I am excited. My life is going to change. I hope to be able to play with my son. Run beside him, while he rides his bike. They dont understand. They should quit being like that and go get the band themselves. They are just chicken.

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My friend is 280 pounds. She is 5'4. She is refusing to get the band and that is fine. But I share with her my experience. I can't help it, she is my friend. She told me the other night, that she was envyious and alittle angry about the whole thing because she is on a diet and is not losing. I told her that I dont know what to say. I can't help that I am taking a different approach to this, than she is. She told me that she has struggled her whole life and that it is unfair that this is going to be easy for me. I explained to her this is not easy. She now has stopped calling so much and is telling me that she will be very busy now. I know she will be with work but we have always made time. I hate to see this get in the way of our friendship. It has also affected people at my work. They tell me that they will never give up eating and that they hate being fat. They wish me lucky and then I hear them talk behind my back, that I was crazy to do this and that they will be mad if it works.

I really dont know what to say. Am I going to lose friends over this. People should be happy for me. I am excited. My life is going to change. I hope to be able to play with my son. Run beside him, while he rides his bike. They dont understand. They should quit being like that and go get the band themselves. They are just chicken.

I wish I could provide you with words of comfort, but unfortunately I can only provide you with my own insights into this. If you look closely, there is probably a good chance that your circle of influence includes many "unhealthy" people that deep down may become jealous, frustrated, and maybe even envyous. This is a common trait of fat people. We attract like individuals. If you are like me, many in my social circle enjoy their "life" through food. Its part of the reason I have had such problems losing weight. Even when I have been on diets, there has been sabatoge at all levels. They SAY they are supportive and want the best for me... and then give me that extra helping. Or criticize if I don't have a drink with them etc etc.

I have come to the conclusion my real friends will stick beside me through "thick" and "thin". If they don't want to... TOUGH. Their loss. Well... my loss really... in the weight. Regaining life as a thin person could very well mean you will need a new circle of influence. New friends wanting to be with you. I look forward to it myself. I can't wait to instead of having BBQ and beer parties, getting out there and dancing the night away. Or kayaking the goergous oceans rather than sitting drinking beers by the river.

Keep your chin up. If you friend wants to act like that, it's her loss. You have made a concious decision to make yourself and your life better. If that means some people will shun you... why care? Shows just how much of a friend they REALLY are.

Remember, a friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body. In our case... help us move to LOSE our body. Anyone willing to sabatoge that is someone you don't want to be around right now.

Of course, this is just my opinion. Close friendships aside, this is the type of internal conflict I simply won't put up. I hope you might be able to see you are more important to you than anyone else. Don't put up for anything less.

Live. Live with passion. Don't fret about those that don't have that same ideal.

Taz

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My friend is 280 pounds. She is 5'4. She is refusing to get the band and that is fine. But I share with her my experience. I can't help it, she is my friend. She told me the other night, that she was envyious and alittle angry about the whole thing because she is on a diet and is not losing. I told her that I dont know what to say. I can't help that I am taking a different approach to this, than she is. She told me that she has struggled her whole life and that it is unfair that this is going to be easy for me. I explained to her this is not easy. She now has stopped calling so much and is telling me that she will be very busy now. I know she will be with work but we have always made time. I hate to see this get in the way of our friendship. It has also affected people at my work. They tell me that they will never give up eating and that they hate being fat. They wish me lucky and then I hear them talk behind my back, that I was crazy to do this and that they will be mad if it works.

I really dont know what to say. Am I going to lose friends over this. People should be happy for me. I am excited. My life is going to change. I hope to be able to play with my son. Run beside him, while he rides his bike. They dont understand. They should quit being like that and go get the band themselves. They are just chicken.

Hi, I did lose a friend of over ten years because I got the band...when I told her, she got really angry, called me an idiot numerous times, expressed her outrage that I was going to Mexico, and even though I've tried calling a few times since...she won't return my calls. I don't think that she doesn't understand that it's just as difficult losing weight with the band...it really isn't a miracle "cure" for obesity. It just helps.

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ANY time there is a major change in your life you'll lose friends, but you'll gain new friends too.

Losing weight, getting married, having a baby, getting divorced - these kinds of things change the dynamics of a relationship.

Stormy, look at how many NEW friends you have since being banded! Don't dwell on those who try to bring you down. It's their loss not to have you in their lives!

Jena

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I am sorry that you friend is not being supportive of your choice to be banded.

Before I told anyone, I explained the pre-op, post op and ongoing struggles faced by people with the band. I told them that the easy way was Weight Watchers, but it didn't work for me.

Anyone who thinks this the easy way out to weight loss is not educated about it. I hope she can find her way back to you and understand that you made your own choice to get healthy.

People will be jealous and envious..that's the way the world is. But know this...we all support you and are rooting for you and you will succeed!!!

Take care Stormy!

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No, your real friends will still be your friends. They'll cheer you on, even if they're feeling a little jealous or frightened for you.

Those that were just pretending to be friends will snipe at you, pull you down, talk behind your back and hope you fail.

"Mad if you succeed?" Seriously? At something good? What a waste of energy that kind of anger is.

Mad if you succeed making pipe bombs maybe, but at getting to a healthy weight? Wow. That's messed up.

You're better off leaving those crabs in the pot and finding new friends.

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The band isn't for everyone. I have to say with honesty that I am nervous about my upcoming surgery because of my lifelong relationship with food... it's hard to think that I won't be physically able to stuff myself anymore, and I'm mourning that, in a way. There are going to be people who can't understand why I would give that up, I know, but I'm 300 pounds (as much as I hate to type those numbers.) Coming to grips with that truth, my life (and your life, Stormy) are worth more than the food, and that's how we have to look at it.

I'm not being banded at the OCC (though I am so thankful to be welcomed here on these boards!) but my doctor told me to be aware that losing weight, and the change in relationship with food can affect relationships and marriages. Like a previous poster said, it's a life changing event. I'm pretty thankful that my husband is going through the process to be banded, too, hopefully in November or December. My heavier co-workers (the few I have told) can't believe that I am doing this. My skinny-mini best friend gets it, thankfully, and is here for me 100%. She doesn't want to see me develop diabetes.

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Stormy, Taz hit the nail on the head.

We are attracted to like people. When I was considering surgery, I kept saying but I wouldnt be able to go for drinks with friends or go for dinner, What will I do? Everything I do is around food. Its my entertainment.

But I know that in order for this to work for me, I will have to expand my circle of friends to include people who just want to go for a walk or a run! I will keep the friends that I have but I will just have to socialize with them in a different way and if that doesnt work for them then they werent much of a friend to start with.

We all lose weight in different ways, no one has ever walked in your shoes to know what your struggles are. Its unfair to compare people we are all different. Stormy I will support you!

I am having a hard time letting people know that this is what I am doing. I have only told a very select few, its really no ones business how I choose to lose weight. I have already had one of the select few tell me that this is the lazy way out. I creid for about two days, then I thought good riddens. This is a personal choice and something that I am comfortable with and it doesnt effect them, well maybe when Im looking hotter than she is it will, But I stand strong! I just know that she will not be one of the people I can talk to about my STRUGGLES after surgery!

True friends will support you no matter what!

Hang in there, besides you have all of us! ;)

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Thank you everyone for your support. One of my friends has been my friend for 20 years, she will just have to deal with the idea that this is what I have done and if she can't move along with me then she will stay, on the back burner in my life. I love her she is my friend and I hope that she chooses eventually to get a hold on her weight problem, whatever way she chooses to do that. This is the way I chose mine. My huband kinda had the same reaction and this is part of why he did it with me. He told me he thought I would change and get skinny and leave him. He told me today that he is so happy that he did it too, he can already feel that he is changing and he is glad we will be changing together. Little does he understand, I would not have left him. I know that I will be changing. I hope my self esteem gets better. I hope that I feel better walking into a store. I hope I get to buy new clothes. So far. I have lost 21 pounds since the beginning of this whole thing. I am so excited. I feel it and it is wonderful

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Thank you everyone for your support. One of my friends has been my friend for 20 years, she will just have to deal with the idea that this is what I have done and if she can't move along with me then she will stay, on the back burner in my life. I love her she is my friend and I hope that she chooses eventually to get a hold on her weight problem, whatever way she chooses to do that. This is the way I chose mine. My huband kinda had the same reaction and this is part of why he did it with me. He told me he thought I would change and get skinny and leave him. He told me today that he is so happy that he did it too, he can already feel that he is changing and he is glad we will be changing together. Little does he understand, I would not have left him. I know that I will be changing. I hope my self esteem gets better. I hope that I feel better walking into a store. I hope I get to buy new clothes. So far. I have lost 21 pounds since the beginning of this whole thing. I am so excited. I feel it and it is wonderful

:lb10: :lb24:

You are doing awesome stormy.

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Well I though I may be better when I got up. I had about 1/2 cup of warm water and that's it. I just tried a sip of some juice and I felt it go all the way to my pouch and stop, it sort of hurt now. I am burping it up. Oh man I hope this isn't too tight!! I still need to call the OCC. I had to go to the store to get some soup and juice. I have lost another pound though which makes 3 since Thursday!! I've only had maybe 500 calories in that whole time though...LOL!! I guess I'll give the OCC a call now and see what they have to say. I am kinda not wanting to hear it though as they probably will say I need an unfill. I'll let you all know

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Well I though I may be better when I got up. I had about 1/2 cup of warm water and that's it. I just tried a sip of some juice and I felt it go all the way to my pouch and stop, it sort of hurt now. I am burping it up. Oh man I hope this isn't too tight!! I still need to call the OCC. I had to go to the store to get some soup and juice. I have lost another pound though which makes 3 since Thursday!! I've only had maybe 500 calories in that whole time though...LOL!! I guess I'll give the OCC a call now and see what they have to say. I am kinda not wanting to hear it though as they probably will say I need an unfill. I'll let you all know

Better to call them and hear that then to have the band slip. I know you dont want to hear it but you have to take care of yourself. Call me, let me know what happens.

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