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it's different this time



so my co-worker asked me if i was losing weight and i said yes i am, then he goes how much and i say 102...you should have seen his face when i said that. he had a look of shock and awe. it was soo funny. like he just got punched in the face or something hahahaa. then he goes wow so how much more do you have to lose and i said ehh 100 and he was like what really and i was like yeah. then he goes well keep it up you're looking really good ^_^

so ever since me and gio had our talk i've just kind of been really more open and honest with myself. like a lot more comfortable being in my own skin. for the longest time i was in denial. of how much i weighed and my overall health..so this is kind of weird but i am so terrified of eating anything thats remotely not healthy. i know if i eat something not good for me i will gain weight and i just don't want to go back. also i am at a weight where i was in my mid teens when i was dieting and such. i'm approximately 23lbs away from where i was ever at my lowest during my teen years and where i actually remember trying to maintain my weight. i am even more terrified that i won't be able to surpass that number. that maybe that will be my minimum limit that i can go...i can't ever remember being any smaller than that not even as an 12 year old... i've just always been big and to not know any different makes me feel so defeated. i mean what if thats it?? what if thats the smallest i will ever be and i will never get to be a normal healthy weight person??? but i know i'm not supposed to be carrying around an extra 98lbs around my body so that fact alone makes me push on. but i can't help but think that negative thought. hmm but i just thought of something..when i was a teenager i was dieting. i wasn't forever changing my eating habits. i mean i didn't even know what eating habits were! but now i'm finally learning ^_^ so it's going to be different this time. it's going to happen :) SUMMER 2009 HERE I COME!!!! wooooooooooooo :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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