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A nervousness has settled in with me today.




I feel nervous, tense, or a general unease. I leave at the later part of the week to be banded. I had planed to pack my bag today in preparation for my trip at the end of the week. It's like I have a block. So I decided to come here and type out my feelings.

A short trip, I believe will do me some good. To get away and have some time with no one to care for other than myself. That sounds terrible I bet. I love my son dearly, and the thought of not being around to kiss and tuck him in makes me sad in and of itself. On the other hand, he has been teething. You see at our house, we teeth in sets of four. He has been fussy, and rightly so. It has been grading on my nerves. Sometimes I feel so tense, and uptight I have to take a moment to relax and un-grit my teeth.

This is a trip about me, for me. Secondary for my family, and for that I will be grateful that I am getting a chance to do this. It is hard to leave my family behind. I am sure I will be fine once I set out on the trip.

Another thing that has been weighing on my mind....I had a reading with a clairvoyant some time ago. I was interested in my career, that was the purpose for the call. She had asked me if I had been having any stomach issues. I told her I had not. Later in our conversation I mentioned my interest in getting the Lap-Band. To sum up that conversation, she basicly said it was not a good idea. That there are to many side effects. She then went on to say, that some of us are meant to be bigger. I tried to embrace those words, but they didn't seem to settle right with me. I think she was picking up on my research of the Lap-Band when she asked if I had trouble with my stomach. At anyrate, in these last days I have reflected back on our conversation. Lately, on the forum, there has been a few people who have had there bands slip or had complications. I think that is dancing around in my head.

Last minute jitters I guess, although I do believe the band will help me in my struggle with weight. I am ready and confident that this will indeed be a great choice. I really wanted to write down my thoughts or reservations if you will. Leaving my family the hardest.

I am planning on embrassing this trip and relishing the mommy free time and the lack of daily responsibility. It is a mini vacation and a re-birth if you will. I am looking forward to it! Now I must go pack as I feel a bit better just putting my feelings out there!



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