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Verbal vomit!



So, I am a pretty open person. Shortly after my decision to have the lab-band I decided to share with my close family and friends what I was doing. I knew that it would open myself up to comments, questions, and all that fun stuff that goes along with mentioning 1. surgery in a back alley butcher shop.... a.k.a. Mexico. 2. having weight loss surgery. God forbid I get off my large butt, excersise, and eat right like the rest of the normal skinny world. That being said, let's not forget to mention the people who I have told know me, it's like they suddenly forget you (me) don't make rash decisions, and that this is a well thought out and planned event. It's like all the sudden FEAR takes over rational thought, and you have become an idiot in their eyes.

After fielding many questions, and sharing what I have learned with them. Each of them came back from the "fear" place and checked out the procedure for themselves. All of them have been pretty supportive, and have been great about keeping the critical comments to themselves if they have any. Thank goodness! What I want most of all is support and understanding. I feel like I have gotten it and am so gratful for that. I told them all I want positive vibes, not negative ones. I am not planning on dieing, I am doing this so I can live a better, healier life with my family and friends.

Everyone seem to be dealing with this in their own way. I have a dear friend of mine that I work with, she starts the day coming in and huging me. She understands the mental prep that I have been doing to be in a good place. I love her for that.

Interesting to me how everyone is making their peace with me. Almost like saying their goodbyes, like I am not coming back. Or maybe that is my own fear creeping in and that is how I take it? My Aunt Doris did pass after having GB surgery. She had no intention of dieing, but faced those odds head on. Last night as I looked into my sons eyes, I couldn't help but hope I was coming back. I am not ready to leave him, my husband, family or friends. I am not ready to leave my life. I hope that the Good Lord above doesn't have me penciled in his book of arrivals, because I am not ready. I want to be here for my family. I think of Lil D growing up with out me and I want to cry.

Please, please, let me come back safe and sound. Everyones emails and hugs, last words have struck a cord with me. I am doing this to extend my life, to be healthy and gain some ground on a battle I have been loosing. I am so glad I have this place to write all these thoughts out in. It's easier on my mind and gives me a pressure release. When I started to write today I felt anxious. Now I feel better. Whether it made sense or not to anyone is not the point. It had to come out, and for that I am happy. Postive thoughts.

From moment to moment I have a range of emotions. This is a good thing! This is a great way to change myself and I am so happy about it!

On a complete side note, I am thinking of my friend Sandra. She is in Tijuana today. Sandra is a bit nervous and has jitters of her own. I have been praying for her and I'm looking forward to her call, hopefully today if she is up for it. Good luck Sandra! Yay for you! Soon you will be banded!


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