Talk about a ruff vacation. The best part of it was spent with my hubby and son in the hotel on the way to visit the folks. We relaxed, swam, and enjoyed each others company. There was no major tension or arguments. No battles of will to make the holiday a uncomfortable mess.
At 33 years of age, one would think I would be beyond my "pleasing" stage in life. I still find myself doing things for others that end up putting me in a bad way. Why, because I want to spare them the dissapointment. I end up feeling all the shit for emotions that comes after I put others before me. To go a bit deeper. Most of my life, I had a bossy mother who had to have "things" done a certain way. Instead of making her proud and becoming her prodagy, I seemed to go the other way. Falling sort of the mark. Not making my bed quite right, not cleaning my room good enough.... the list could go on, but I suppose you get it. At any rate, not much as changed other than her getting a bit more set in her ways and so it can be a recipe for an argument.
I am married with a child now. A child that she adores, and thinks the world of. She is the poster child for a proud grammy; carries brag photo books, everyone in town knows his latest feats ect. (But if we spend to much time together, she tells me all the things I am doing that don't fit her standards.) I am a more laid back parent. Not lazy but laid back. If Daniel doesn't eat his dinner great, I don't push him to eat it or clean his plate. Things like that bug her. I say good grief, he is a 2 year old. When he is hungry he WILL EAT. Our schedule has been thrown completely out of whack. We are in a different time zone, element and surroundings. He is not napping, eating or sleeping the way he normally does. It doesn't mean he is a rotten child, it means he is out of his norm.
Over all, I do my best to take it in stride. Pick my battles and let the water flow off like a ducks back. The problem is I need to work on boundaries and the water flowing off part. My feeling get hurt and before you know it, I say something and vuala! We have an argument. I get hot them shake it off and I am good to go. My momma, well she holds on to things. So it makes it an uncomfortable air to breath.
We are stranded due to bad weather. The interstates have closed making it impossible to leave. As you can imagine, it's time to go. All of us feel it and are doing our best to make the best of a personality overload. I am so ready to go home and be in my own space. Let time apart do its thing and peace to be restored.
I wanted to eat today to feed my emotions. As a comfort.....I talked to my hubby about it. Progress not perfection. I could go on but spilling that much has made me feel better. My eating and weight issues go so deep and venting on here does me good.
Oh, did I mention my son had the stomach flu, 2 days later, I got it. A day after I recovered my hubby got hit. Yeah, a tough holiday. So many "things" factored in to the stress and tension.
Thank heavens this is temperary and life will go back to normal. When we get to leave and get home, we have to fix a sink that leaks. Our house sitter informed us about. We get to pick up my car that broke down the day before we were to leave town. Um yeah the list of stressers goes on and on and on. To much to write about each piece of the puzzle but that made the stress build. So with a sigh and a lighter heart I will close this rant and say Merry Christmas and I hope you all had a great holiday!!