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so fricken mad!!!


storm

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So after my husband's nice morning comment yesterday about how he will still love me when I am skinny, he left for work, and he didn't come home...all day...till 11pm. I didn't ask him where he'd been or anything at all, but this morning he started talking, apologizing...blah blah blah...telling me he missed talking to me, that he was so sorry for mistreating me, that he wanted to rebuild our relationship...I always let him off the hook so easily...I am so weak! But I hate holding grudges...so I caved...I was starting to feel better and I asked him if he told anyone about my lap band. He said he told his daughter (my stepdaughter who I love and respect, but is the LAST person I would want to know)...I cant even put into words how upset I am!!! I want to cry, but I am so tired of his infidelity and just plain self-centerredness that I don't even have any tears left...just a really empty, achy feeling inside. Three weeks ago, after I told him it was really important to me that nobody know, he told my 10 year old daughter that I had surgery in Mexico...I difused it so she doesn't know, and chewed him out...at that time he told me I should have kept it a secret from him, he didn't want to know anything about it and was not going to be supportive. I was hurt that I don't have his support but I was VERY CLEAR that I absolutely don't want any one else knowing, not matter how he feels about it...I got really upset then, and I know he understood that I didn't want him telling anyone, that he was sworn to secrecy...but since he disapproves, he just won't keep his mouth shut!!! He HAD to have someone to commiserate with and so he told his daughter...who will never look at me the same. I am soooo hurt, I can't trust him at all...he says he wants to be my friend but he disrespects my privacy and betrays me by hanging out God knows where all night, for the last 5 nights, telling my loved ones my secrets who have no business knowing...I hate him. I am so hurt, disappointed, and angry. I yelled at him and told him what a jerk he was...he said he was sorry, but then he said "that's just not right". There's no getting through to him. I don't like him anymore.

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The real question is will YOU love him when YOU'RE skinny? When you realize you deserve more and your confidence levels return will he be able to handle it? it's bullh*t that he disrespected you and told people about what is only YOUR business.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The good thing about living day to day is that you don't have to solve the entirety of your relationship problems in one day. Things will be what they will be. I'm sure you love him, but at some point you have to love yourself too - and hopefully the lapband will aid you in doing this - and will help you to make the hard decisions that you've been putting off.

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The real question is will YOU love him when YOU'RE skinny? When you realize you deserve more and your confidence levels return will he be able to handle it? it's bullh*t that he disrespected you and told people about what is only YOUR business.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The good thing about living day to day is that you don't have to solve the entirety of your relationship problems in one day. Things will be what they will be. I'm sure you love him, but at some point you have to love yourself too - and hopefully the lapband will aid you in doing this - and will help you to make the hard decisions that you've been putting off.

ok here I go.....I can't even see what i am typing so forgive me if it is a mess. First would it make you feel better If i said your husbands an asshole? Sorry, i don't like to be opinunated about others spouses, but I had a real jerk for my first husband and put up with some shit for 8 years. I have been remarried for 3 and let me say that life is so much BETTER! I am not saying it's perfect...we have our issues as we are suppose to. I can't expect perfect, but 80-90% is great. My first husband stayed out late..all night...always said he was with "friends" boy he was alright..need I say more..I am not insinuating he is lying or doing something he shouldn't I just always say "where there is smoke there is fire". He should have never defied your trust by telling ANYONE period. Also, your step daughter is a person with her own opinions and beliefs. Surely she can understand that you are an adult, and can make your own decisions. Surely she will not judge you by NOT seeing the PERSON you ARE and always HAVE BEEN! Sorry, I get a little mouthy sometimes.

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ok here I go.....I can't even see what i am typing so forgive me if it is a mess. First would it make you feel better If i said your husbands an asshole? Sorry, i don't like to be opinunated about others spouses, but I had a real jerk for my first husband and put up with some shit for 8 years. I have been remarried for 3 and let me say that life is so much BETTER! I am not saying it's perfect...we have our issues as we are suppose to. I can't expect perfect, but 80-90% is great. My first husband stayed out late..all night...always said he was with "friends" boy he was alright..need I say more..I am not insinuating he is lying or doing something he shouldn't I just always say "where there is smoke there is fire". He should have never defied your trust by telling ANYONE period. Also, your step daughter is a person with her own opinions and beliefs. Surely she can understand that you are an adult, and can make your own decisions. Surely she will not judge you by NOT seeing the PERSON you ARE and always HAVE BEEN! Sorry, I get a little mouthy sometimes.

OOPS LOOK OVER MY SPELLING ERRORS

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Storm--

Your hubby is soooo insecure...I don't think its you, I think it's all him. He is using your surgery as an excuse...If you don't have trust...You have nothing...I do know if you both want it bad enough you can get back to where you once were. (I have done that...story at another time..)

I would not though tolerate infidelity...No, not, never....crossed over the line of no return. I feel from our corespondence that you are a strong person...I think once you really think about your life, your man, your kids, and job you will make the right decision for you and your life.

Kim

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Storm, you seriously need to CALL ME! This guy is a walking disaster! I just ended a terrible relationship with the jerks of all jerks! I ended it on 12/24/09 and have not looked back since. My life is exactly where I want it right now and honestly, yah things are tough for me financially & I am living paycheck to paycheck, but I can't put a price on my sense of serenity & well-being and neither can you. If he has cheated on you AND treats you this way then get out while the going is good. It took me five years to find a way out and those are years you never get back. I want us to get together on the weekends and do things together. You have a friend here and I think if you got out of your element every once in awhile you will see the bright side (walk towards the light Storm, walk towards the light...) ^_^

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Girl, you need to watch some Tyler Perry movies with a bottle of wine okay? Now here goes nothing: (310) 600-4421 CALL ME (I'll bring the movies and wine). This guy is one hot mess and has his head so far up his ass all he sees is shit! Tell him I said to cry me a river and build a damn bridge and walk over it already...as your walking out the door of course.

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Storm, you seriously need to CALL ME! This guy is a walking disaster! I just ended a terrible relationship with the jerks of all jerks! I ended it on 12/24/09 and have not looked back since. My life is exactly where I want it right now and honestly, yah things are tough for me financially & I am living paycheck to paycheck, but I can't put a price on my sense of serenity & well-being and neither can you. If he has cheated on you AND treats you this way then get out while the going is good. It took me five years to find a way out and those are years you never get back. I want us to get together on the weekends and do things together. You have a friend here and I think if you got out of your element every once in awhile you will see the bright side (walk towards the light Storm, walk towards the light...) ^_^

Merry Christmas to you. Again i can't see what i am typing. I just hate to see anyone go through what I did. Life can be soooo much better. I thought I would never "love" anyone like i loved my first husband...what a joke. Bogiesmom you will find someone and he will be great. You are to thoughtful...compassionate...caring..and don't seem to care at all to tell someone what you think..hehehe. Those are awesome qualities to have!

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Merry Christmas to you. Again i can't see what i am typing. I just hate to see anyone go through what I did. Life can be soooo much better. I thought I would never "love" anyone like i loved my first husband...what a joke. Bogiesmom you will find someone and he will be great. You are to thoughtful...compassionate...caring..and don't seem to care at all to tell someone what you think..hehehe. Those are awesome qualities to have!

Thank you so much for the appriciation. I found out a long time ago it was easier to be honest then to tell white lies due to being such a terrible actress :unsure: A few years ago I discovered that the meaning of life and the reason we walk this earth is to be of service to others. Everything we do from our careers to raising a family is essentially being of service and everything we receive in return is from others' service to us, even if you take into account the monitary value, this is what makes the world go 'round right?

Storm, you need to find yourself again and this man is preventing you from doing that. This is not about loosing the weight. In it's very core this is about your journey of self and making the connection between how you feel and what you see in the mirror. You deserve to have a healthy relationship with you and at least for me, my ex-boyfriend told me for 5 years who I was and who he thought I should be (verbally, non-verbally). I realized that after 5 years that he did not like me for who I was but who I am is not all that bad and his opinion was actually more psychotic then he accused me of "being." I realized that my "being" was special and unique to me, not right, not wrong just me. I had given up that relationship with myself and others who appriciated ME for a relationship with him. My loosing the weight is just one part of the journey back to myself. This is the year of self discovery & self improvement. I am reading a lot more and watching TV a lot less, I am enjoying foreign films and avant garde movies again. I get to excercise how I want and when I want. I get to eat the foods that satisfy the mind, body & spirit without worrying about someone elses tastes for a change. I come first this time so that I have more of ME to give to those who care about me. I hope you find your path to yourself and if your man presents obsticles along the way instead of traveler's assistence then I hope you can learn to see him for what he is...just another bump in the road.

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You won't find a loving supportive husband if you stick with the non supportive jerk. Sorry to be blunt, but I have been there and after letting go of the jerk, I now have the relationship and husband I always wanted, but never thought was possible.

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i LOVE all of your comments, you guys are awesome and thank you so much for all of your support. I knew when I married this jerk that he is bipolar and very opinionated, and I knew having the surgery i would not have his support...he doesn't like makeup, shaving, dyed hair, fake books, etc...he's a total hippie. There are alot of qualities that are amazing, but he didn't think I needed this surgery and didn't want me to spend money on it. It was important enough to me to do it anyways, and he's so sorry now for being such an ass...he realizes that it's my body and I can do what I want, and even if he doesn't agree, he can't win every disagreement...he had to get away for a few days to realize how good he has it, and it will probably take some time for me to feel better about hanging out together, but he isn't terrible...he's alot less than perfect, but he is my second husband, the first was TERRIBLE and a complete ass...and as a stepdad, my kids love him so much...i wouldn't leave him, I wouldn't do that to them, and he needs me, and I need him. It's easy t o walk away, it's hard to stay...and work it out...but I am committed and I guess its easy becasue i do love him so much, but I told him, the more he hurts me, the more I feel like I am falling out of love so he should be careful. not sure it got through but we went surfing this morning and had a good time, I don't hang out with hinm in the water but just having him to load up the boards, and being out there...the second the water touched my feet I instantly felt a hundred times better....like I was home again after being on another planet for 2 months. I can't explain to you all how it feels for me to be in the ocean, just that it is so healing and freeing and I forget every care in the world...I am so happy out there, I really am. I will go bak out tomorrow morning and it will be another great day...doesn't matter if the surf is crappy, my port isn't hurting when I lay on my board to paddle and that was a major concern of mine...yippeeeee!!!! Oh I had a couple poolside drinks so forgive my...whatever you call it...obnoxiousness. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you and you are all so right, i know I am worth more, and I am so grateful for my amazing friends that are here to remind me of that daily....and for all of you...I guess I am insecure too and I need to hear it alot, that it's ok for me to do something for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~!! I hope you are all doing amazing with your weight loss goals, I'm kinda stuck but I am ok with is and looking forward to my first fill in a couple of weeks...after I get back for NICARAGUA foran amazing surf trip, wooohooooo!!!!

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i LOVE all of your comments, you guys are awesome and thank you so much for all of your support. I knew when I married this jerk that he is bipolar and very opinionated, and I knew having the surgery i would not have his support...he doesn't like makeup, shaving, dyed hair, fake books, etc...he's a total hippie. There are alot of qualities that are amazing, but he didn't think I needed this surgery and didn't want me to spend money on it. It was important enough to me to do it anyways, and he's so sorry now for being such an ass...he realizes that it's my body and I can do what I want, and even if he doesn't agree, he can't win every disagreement...he had to get away for a few days to realize how good he has it, and it will probably take some time for me to feel better about hanging out together, but he isn't terrible...he's alot less than perfect, but he is my second husband, the first was TERRIBLE and a complete ass...and as a stepdad, my kids love him so much...i wouldn't leave him, I wouldn't do that to them, and he needs me, and I need him. It's easy t o walk away, it's hard to stay...and work it out...but I am committed and I guess its easy becasue i do love him so much, but I told him, the more he hurts me, the more I feel like I am falling out of love so he should be careful. not sure it got through but we went surfing this morning and had a good time, I don't hang out with hinm in the water but just having him to load up the boards, and being out there...the second the water touched my feet I instantly felt a hundred times better....like I was home again after being on another planet for 2 months. I can't explain to you all how it feels for me to be in the ocean, just that it is so healing and freeing and I forget every care in the world...I am so happy out there, I really am. I will go bak out tomorrow morning and it will be another great day...doesn't matter if the surf is crappy, my port isn't hurting when I lay on my board to paddle and that was a major concern of mine...yippeeeee!!!! Oh I had a couple poolside drinks so forgive my...whatever you call it...obnoxiousness. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you and you are all so right, i know I am worth more, and I am so grateful for my amazing friends that are here to remind me of that daily....and for all of you...I guess I am insecure too and I need to hear it alot, that it's ok for me to do something for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~!! I hope you are all doing amazing with your weight loss goals, I'm kinda stuck but I am ok with is and looking forward to my first fill in a couple of weeks...after I get back for NICARAGUA foran amazing surf trip, wooohooooo!!!!

I am glad to hear things are going better for you. Hope you catch a great wave tomorrow!

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Girl, you need to watch some Tyler Perry movies with a bottle of wine okay? Now here goes nothing: (310) 600-4421 CALL ME (I'll bring the movies and wine). This guy is one hot mess and has his head so far up his ass all he sees is shit! Tell him I said to cry me a river and build a damn bridge and walk over it already...as your walking out the door of course.

You crack me up! I'll definately take you up on movies and wine one of these days! Right now I'm all about getting out in the sunshine and in the water, where I forget my problemsms and remember how small and insignificant I am but feel so at peace with that and realize there is noting in the world worth taking my peace...or being mad for...I had a great weekend, I'm so grateful for my "extracurricular interests and good friends. You should look me up on facebook...I will give you my info somehow...maybe text it to you?

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