I went out to breakfast for Mother's Day, had a veggie burger with bacon. That's right. With onion rings. I ate it slowly and got most of it down without pain, never did feel really full, then felt sick all day. I have 5 cc's in my band now so I shouldn't be eating that much but it was like the floodgates opened and I could eat....so I ate. Needless to say, I really haven't lost any weight, what did I expect, that the fat would melt away? It's not, nothing has changed. Except that sometimes I forget what I'm doing and I eat quickly, it gets stuck, and I throw up and feel sick the rest of the night. That's what happened today, and when I told my daughter to get in the car, and I threw up in the bushes in the parking lot, she said "Mom, you threw up at Target too"...um, yeah, that was last week. I suck at this and it's affecting my family life. Here's the problem...when I eat, I eat till I get stuck, but then I just feel stuck, not full. And I am still HUNGRY so I want to keep eating even though I am STUCK and it's starting to hurt. Does anyone feel FULL after eating just the right portion or is that what full feels like now (stuck and painful?) Where is the nice warm full feeling I used to feel? That's my question and now here's my RANT:
I want to feel satisfied. Instead I just nibble all day and feel irritated. I want to taste my food and eat it warm. Instead I am concentrating intensely on chewing it really well which I don't enjoy. I still drink too much which is probably most of my weight loss issue. Now I am working too much and not surfing enough. Although I had a great surf vacation last month...but drank the whole week and gained 3 pounds. I think I am depressed, shit hit the fan with my job (went to straight commission) and my son moved out on his own and I miss his laughter, and my grouchy old husband is out of town for a week and I am bored without him, got this book "The Handbook for Lightning Survivors" that I guess I will read. Peace out.