had a really good birthday totally partied hard that night and pretty much the whole month of december. i must confess something but i was heading down a dangerous path of least resistance to alcohol and pills. i mean nothing too serious or that i couldn't easily "control". i was stressed and really annoyed with everything including my weight couldnt understand how i gained 30lbs back and couldn't just lose it. so in the process i lost everything you know like control of pretty much anything and everything then i met nicollo..my knight in shining armor ha well he wouldn't ever describe himself in the light that i just did. he's humble yet not so can't really describe it. it's like someone knows they're beautiful but doesn't want the world to know..that's pretty much him. anyway i think i want to fall in love with him actually i probably have..the tragic part is he lives in new york city..yeah my luck..find the perfect guy and he lives across the country such is my life. like lose weight only to gain 30lbs back and have no self control/motivation to get rid of it...

but i'm feeling something like a burning a fire or passion inside of me that literally is inching up towards my throat and chocking me alive. i think this is what i've been waiting for this motivation this NEED to DO SOMETHING. anyway here's to the new year

edit: just saw somebody's status update and they said they're getting a tummy tuck and other stuff and i just got really jealous..wish i could just hop on over and get a tummy tuck . on another note i think i will be changing my goal weight actually i'm going to stop looking at scale weight and focus more on inches. when i get to that exact measurement i want then that's where i will deem myself successful.