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Paula Bee

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Blog Entries posted by Paula Bee

  1. Paula Bee
    I have managed to look at food, then pass it by, but as I approach mushies on Monday, I find that I am starving for stuff... tuna (go figure!), spaghetti sauce! (I don't know why that one.) chicken salad... yep, I make mine just about like Lori does..
    I am ready to go buy cottage cheese and regular yogurt and other mushified foods.... Now I am really starving!!
    Old song I knew...
    Hungry, hungry, I am hungry
    Table, table, here I come
    I could eat a goosemoose burger, fifteen pickles and a purple plum.
    I could eat 3 bowls of goulash, half a pound of wuzzled wheat,
    Hungry, hungry, I am STARVING, then I'd really get to work and eat!
  2. Paula Bee

    Tired

    By Paula Bee,

    I am tired all the time, but I don't think it has anything to do with my sleeve. My mom has early onset alzh., and has been living with me for 18 months. It has gotten so unpleasant around her that I cannot wait to take her to my brother's house on Friday. I feel very guilty for being so glad she is leaving for a month or two, and even guiltier that I am hoping she decides to stay there.
    Until this is all settled, I don't really have a perspective on how my energy level is. I am doing the best I can with water and protein, and I guess that is all I can do.
    I am ready to put my full attention on my health and weight loss... It will be a relief.. nice.
    Just mullygrubbing, I guess.
  3. Paula Bee
    Lori has me all curious about some of the cosmedic procedures. I don´t know if it is fair to my spouse or our retirement fund to spend anymore money. I am just thinking about my 40th class reunion in October,(which I wasn´t even going to attend at my presurgery weight.)
    As far as surgery, I am feeling fine... much better than I thought I would at this point. I am anxious to get the port out and get home to my hubby, because I really miss him so much.
    More later.. need to check out some of the cosmetic stuff
  4. Paula Bee

    Packed and ready

    By Paula Bee,

    I am all packed up and ready to fly out at 6:30 am tomorrow! I have crushed everything I can into my carry on bag.... it is under the weight limit, but I just can't squish in my heating pad or my favorite pink "NAP" brand "blankie." I have paid the bills, written down instructions to help my husband care for my mom while I am gone.
    My fear is them not doing the whole thing at once....just have to think positively..
    I need a week away from my mom. Having to care for an early onset Alz mom at my house has been taxing, and I am glad I can get a break. (Who thought I would have to fly all the way from Florida to Tijuana to get a rest from my mom. :/
    Kids are coming to supper tonight, and hubby is running them off by 9 so we can go to bed... not that we will sleep... or at least I won't.
  5. Paula Bee
    I have got to stop reading so much information about this procedure, because I am scaring myself. One source says protein is my new best friend; protein and produce. Then, today's Cooking Light magazine said that the Adkins diet had been proven to be unhealthy and we should be eating complex carbs and veggies. What is what?
    I am worried that when we get old and on SS that we might not be able to afford the vitamins and protein that we need. I would say that is silly, but it really is a real concern. (It doesn't take much for me to worry ) What am I supposed to ask my husband? "Hey, when we are on ss, will you be able to afford me? Will we be able to eat lean protein, or will we have to resort to the pink slime protein or catfood?" It is strange what we think of.
    What a world, what a world (the Wicked Witch)
  6. Paula Bee

    Chewing my knuckles

    By Paula Bee,

    My mom has early onset Alzh and lives with us. Some days she can be totally contrary, and yesterday was one of those days. I took her to the dentist to get her new lower dentures, (which we are paying for, btw, as she is financially not able to support herself,) and we got into it right away... over what is irrelevant... it could be anything... things that I have told her over and over and over, and I don't expect to her to remember, but she is bound and determined that I never told her. It reached a point when we got home that I called my sister to plan to send Mom for a vacation there.
    Until you have a parent living with you, you don't realize how STRESSFUL it is, and that is when I eat... the more stressed I am, the more I eat. I know it is a victory, but I didn't last night. I went to bed early and willed myself to sleep so I wouldn't think about eating. I was so hungry/stressed that I could have chewed my knuckles.
    Today I am starving.. I have eaten just as I am supposed to, but I am starving. I am sure it is head hunger, but that doesn't feel any better. To make matters worse, Mom has been walking around like pitiful pearl saying, "What am I going to do that week when you are not here? I will just have to call you if I forget something." Oh, no... my husband works from home and will be here, and I am NOT answering my phone. I will tell family members to call David and I will call him once a night.
    I have chewed my two knuckles up... let me go see if David or Mom will let me chew one of theirs.....
  7. Paula Bee
    Today is the first day that I have felt stress from my family, and it is arising because family members, (other than my husband,) are worried about me going alone for the procedure. My crippled brother called and wanted to DRIVE TO JACKSONVILLE (10 hours) so he could go on the plane with me and make sure I was okay.
    My husband has been with me to OCC two of the three times I have gone, and he knows that I will be well cared for, and the surgical procedure is with one of the best bariatric surgeons in the world. He got so mad over my siblings butting in to our business, and I think it is because, deep down, he wishes he could go.
    We really are not worried, except for my discomfort on the plane. It is so embarassing to ask for a seatbelt extender and to find myself spilling over into the next seat. Also, I am having pain in my left knee and hip, but they have put me on the aisle where I can stretch that leg. I have a wheelchair arranged to take me from one gate to the other on the layovers. I really think we have done everything we can do to make the flight the least painful it can be. Funny... we are more worried about the flight than the surgery.
    In the mean time, I haven't told anyone in my family except my oldest son, who will be one of the people who can check on me or make decisions. I have told everyone else that I am going to have my lapband worked on, (which is true.) I am just not up for any lectures on how the band didn't work and what makes me think that this will be more successful..... yada, yada.
  8. Paula Bee

    Two days out

    By Paula Bee,

    Surgery was Monday, and I am feeling so much better than I thought I would at this point. I get to start liquid yogurt tomorrow, but I am not even sure where to get any around the Marriott. I am still very tired, and I know that is normal.
    I think I am going to be kind to myself and get a first class ticket for the flight home. I am still in a LOT of pain in my left hip and knee, and I don´t think I can tolerate being squished up in the postage stamp size seat for another 7 hours.
    Think I will head off for some yummy broth and a nap!
  9. Paula Bee

    The Race

    By Paula Bee,

    (from "300 Pounds Down" Thank you, Lindsay for writing my life, too.)
    When I was in the 3rd grade, we started having the Presidential Physical Fitness Test every year. My most dreaded part of all was the "600 yard dash." The first year I did this, I went out sprinting from the start. It didn't take me long to lose my breath. I can still remember sucking in cold air and trying to breathe. Before I even made it through the 2nd loop, I threw up and was pulled from the race. Looking back on it, I should have paced myself instead of trying to start the race in a sprint.
    The next year I was so psychologically intimidated by the 600 yard dash that I started worrying about it several weeks in advance. I was ready to throw up days before hand, and sure enough, I did before the whistle was barely blown.
    This became a regular tradition with me every year. Kids in my class would sit around making silent bets on NOT whether I would throw up, but WHEN. "Will she at least make it past the whistle blowing?"
    I had some friends who were determined to help me beat this. They would willingly abandon their own race times to run along beside me, cheering me on, but making sure to get out of the way before I threw up.
    Unfortunately I was never successful, and I NEVER finished the race.
    My story differs from Lindsay's in several ways... First of all, I started having asthma attacks when I was in the 2nd grade. Inevitably, running the 600 brought fear into my heart, and my doctor and my mom had a fit. I had a doctor's note from that point on prohibiting me from running the 600 or any other aerobic activity that would trigger my asthma. This worked great until we moved to Lafayette, LA, where they required 4 dreadful years of PE. I brought my note from the doctor, and the teacher, (Ms. Soileau) refused to excuse me and made me run the 600. I walked most of it, but if you did it in more than 3 minutes you had to do it again the next day. I don't know if I got under 3 minutes, but I staggered up to her, wheezing audibly, and accidentally puked on her shoes. Then, I missed the next week of school with asthma. This happened the 2nd year, too, but after incidences of pukey shoes, I was excused from the run at that point.
    Since then, I have had asthma on and off for years, and I have used it as an excuse for not exercisng. Finally, at my weight, it became a reality, even in water aerobics.
    I want to lose this weight, to be able to take a walk with my husband, to go to water aerobics and make new friends.
    It will not be a sprint for me, but a journey... there is no running fast to get to the end quicker, because there will be no end. My eating habits will change forever.
    I need a new me.
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