fat2nrml

Hello trs, I guess some of the stuff I did growing up was because I was fat, but I think alot of it was because I never liked myself or respected myself. I was nasty, mean, hurtful, spiteful, hateful.... I grew up with a mother who hated herself and everyone around her. I remember, as a kid her commenting on women who "liked themselves". [Those were women who had confidence and actually were comfortable with themselves.] Mother hated them with a passion and felt they weren't shit and had no business walking with their noses in the air. I was never told I was pretty or that I looked nice or whatever, I was miserable and my personality showed it. I know I can't appologize to everyone either, that would take the rest of my life! :lb12: I have to learn how to let go of the old me and work on the new and improved me. I have a family to think about and I need to get my shit together. I'm a work in progress so you all may need to hear me whine for awhile yet!!

Thanks Jann!! Actually, I weighed myself this morning and I held my breath...... I lost almost 1 more pound!! The way I've been eating, I don't know how that happened!! I've got work to do!

I want to thank everyone who responded to my plea, I was truely giving up on my band and my weight loss. After reading some articles that Jann sent me, it got me to thinking about underlying "issues" that I have. I realize, without a doubt, that I have self esteem problems. Without telling my whole life story lets just say that I'm not proud of my past. I've NEVER [even as a child] liked myself. I always kept people at arms length, no one liked me, not even family, I didn't like them and I hate[d] myself. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Although I feel I am a better person NOW, [still room for improvement] I can't let go of the horrible, horrible person I used to be. How do I do that? I have no money to go to therapy, Hubby's insurance sucks. How do I accept my past, let it go and look at the present and future? How do I face people from my past who may have "comments" for me? I want to live the rest of my life happy and healthy and at least try to forgive myself for what I've said and done years ago. Just writing this and finally "admitting" that these issues exsist is like a big burden lifted from me. My name is Darlene, I have an absolute sucky past but I want to let it go.... I want to forgive and live.

I tried to take those large mg of ibuprphen before and couldn't do it because it upset my stomach. It actually made mine hurt really bad, burn and ache something awful. I didn't sick up though. Talk to your Doc, it sounds like it's the meds. Try to at least get your water in. Take care, Darlene

I smiled from ear to ear reading your post!!! Congrats and I hope your restriciton stays a LONG, long time!!

Hi Mona and thanks for respnding! I'll look for selenium when I'm out.... can I get it at Wal-mart? I'll have to Google it and learn more about it, I wonder how our bodies use it and what it has to do with weight gain\loss. I wish I knew what my problem was, why I want to eat constantly and why I can't control it. I did buy some slim fast shakes yesterday and am going to use them for breakfast and lunch for awhile. I'm worried that I've stretched my pouch and I hope I can try to reverse that. Have you tried the Snickers protein bars? They are really good and I know that some women LOVE chocolate and they're a good fix. They have 20 grams of protein. Thanks again to everyone who responded, wish we all lived closer so we could visit each other and kick each others asses when we needed it!!! :air_kiss: Darlene

Thanks for the info Jann, I'm going to look up more advice on overeating. P.S. What's a "boo"?

I was trying to answer everyone individually, but I can't keep up!! I want to thank everyone who responded, you don't know how good it makes me feel that you all cared enough to send me your kind words. Like I said in a previous post, I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle this, but I don't think I have issues with food. [Other than being head over heels in love.] I eat happy, sad, mad.... there's no rhyme or reason. I do know that I want to lose this weight, get healthy and happy. I will "check in" here more often and express my feelings and keep myself in line. This forum's the best....

teyann, I have thought about counseling but Hubby's insurance sucks and with our money situation, I can't afford it. Considering that the Doc's around here won't take me on as a patient, I doubt they'd let me "play" with them in counseling sessions either. I've thought long and hard about my over eating and my obession with food and I don't think I have any deep, dark reasons for it. I truely believe that I just love food, every aspect of it, think about it, dream about it and enjoy it totally. I don't think I have unresolved issues that make me eat, I just totally love it and of course, I can't get away from it like people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol can. I did weight watchers about 8 years ago [the points program] and I didn't like it. I did do LA weight loss a few years ago and did really well, but gained all the weight back +. Thanks again, Darlene

Thanks Kim, I'm so glad for this forum and have highly recommended it to people because everyone's so supportive. I am going to try harder, I promise! Darlene

Thanks Jann for your kind words, I appreciate everyone's responses. There are no fill centers in my area and I can't afford to go any distance right now. I probably could use a small fill, but that's out of the question at this time. I will try to get my crap together and get back on track,... you're right, I have to get in the proper headspace. Thanks for letting me lean [ha!] on ya. Darlene

Hello everyone, I've lurked on the forum, but refrained from posting. I don't think I can or should try to give advice to anyone when I can't even take care of myself. I've failed miserably with my band. I lost a total of 32lbs. since March 25th [haven't been on the scale, so I'd guess I've gained at least 5 of that back.] I eat way too much and I think I've stretched my pouch. [i think I have a good fill level, I just push it to the limit with eating and have even been in pain after eating.] I eat the wrong things, ice cream, cake, pie, cookies.... I drink while I eat, every meal, every day. I eat what I want, not what I should. I have no care here in the States and I can't afford to go back to the OCC. Our money problems are very serious and this only adds to my food obsession. Any local Doc I speak to won't touch a patient banded in Mexico. I knew going into this that it wasn't a magic wand.... but I did think it would be easier to pass up food or at least eat less. No such luck for me, the obsession's still there and stronger than ever. I'm 44 yrs old and I'm stuck at what to do. I read on here how everyone's doing so well and sticking to the lap band guide lines and I'm truely thrilled for you all, I just wish I were doing as well. To any Newbies that may be reading this: I'm not writing this to scare anyone and I don't regret getting the band [Dr. O and staff are tops!!] but please make sure you have after care lined up. If you can afford to go back to the OCC, that's the best, but if you can't, make sure you have a Doc in your area that will take care of you. I don't have anyone to turn to and I'm not sure what I'm going to do from here. I'm afraid my food addiction may have won this battle. Thanks for listening. Darlene

I too would like to do the extremely sexy bedroom photo's after I lose my weight. The ones where they ALMOST show "stuff", but not quite. I think it'll be awesome to feel good about myself and let loose! I'd have to feel comfortable with the photographer though!

I found that the shoulder blade\collar bone area pain was worse when I drank or ate cold things. See if a warm\hot cup of tea or broth soothes it any.

Prayers out to everyone. I'm still waiting to hear from my brother who's 20 miles off shore. Please pray....

Wow, that's along time to have food stuck!! Not to be gross or anything, but when you PB'd, did you bring up the steak from lunch?? I find I'm having alot of trouble with steak, dry chicken and just about anything re-heated. I've been learning the hard way that I probably should just stay away from that stuff. Please let us know what Dr. Miranda has to say and hope you feel better soon.

I saw that too.... it is heart breaking. Did you see the guy who lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds in the 90's and has since gained it all back +??!! he was following Richard Simmons and Richard even came to visit him from time to time. After the guy lost all the weight, he'd gone to a baseball game and decided to have a hot dog... then another and another and it snow balled from there. To watch them trying to do the simplest things that we take for granted, like walk or get into a car, tore my heart out! I still have an addiction to food, but thankfully I can't go back to gorging myself. Thank you God and Dr. Ortiz and Martinez!!

Everyone seems to go through this differently. I found that the pain seemed worse if I ate or drank cold stuff. Try warm\hot things to drink and see if that soothes it any. Best wishes, Darlene

:lb9: :lb10: :lb21: So glad to hear that you're doing well!! I hate to say I told you so, but we told you so!! > I love going back there for my fills [just wish Dr. O could get us deals on our airline tickets... hint, hint!] Keep up the walking and make sure you get enough to drink. Congrats again, Darlene

My brother works for the oil riggs off the shores of La. He lives about an hour inland, so the family's OK, but I just got an email from him and he said they are stuck about 20 miles off shore. He said they didn't get the divers decompressed fast enough and they won't be done until 3:30 am and then it'll be too late. [He takes care of their life support equipment.] He said that they're sitting on the bottom, so they won't sink, but they're gonna get a hell of a ride! Prayers out to all that are in the line of the storm.... God, watch over them all please.

The ladies are right, ... it's the brain re-train thing that's important. Even though I was banded in March, I'm still not re-trained. My eyes are bigger than my stomach and I'm still working on the 'head hunger' thing. I have to keep reminding myself why I did this and try to focus on that. I feel so much better already,... I don't get so winded, I can tie my shoes, shave my legs and shop alot longer. [The latter's ALWAYS a plus!! ] My blood pressure's slowly going down to safe levels and my heart doesn't flutter anymore... that would scare the crap out of me! I guess the best thing to do is post reminders everywhere, especially the frige. That reminds me... we went to a flea market today and a guy was selling a pig that you put in your frige and every time you open the door, it oinks!! I should have gotten it!

That's so cool!! I wish I knew more about computers and stuff..... I suck. Anyways, you did an awesome job and 'no worries' about going to the OCC, you and Hubby will do just fine! >

Go Kim go!!!! :good3:

I know what you mean Kathy, mine took a month to kick in and boy is it keeping me on my toes!! Yesterday was my birthday and Hubby & I were going to go out for dinner, but I was afraid to! I ended up eating light at home. I'd be mortified if I'd have a PB episode at a resturante.... I'm not a quiet girl when it comes to PBing :bad: I'm trying to do the retraining thing myself.... I'm slow at it though!! Good luck Kathy and I LOVE YOUR CUT & COLOR!!

You must be SO proud of yourself!!! 100 pounds!!! OMG awesome!! You should mark this day on your calander and celebrate it every year like a second birthday! Congrats and keep up the good work!!! Darlene