Jump to content

It Takes a Village to Survive:


Recommended Posts

This really hit me and made me think about our forum, how we work to support each other and help each other succeed.

I wanted to take a moment to thank each and everyone one of you for always being there for me - I don't know if I could have done this without you. One of the reasons for my success is that I did not isolate myself – I made sure to come to the forum for support, I did not always participate by posting, but I always kept up to date and checked in. I think it’s so important that we use this forum in a positive way to support each other and help one another succeed, with the understanding that all of our successes will be different and that's OK.

We can’t do this alone; we are a Village and a strong community. Sometimes this path can be hard, but that's OK, we're here for each other!

“It Takes a Village to Survive: "No one survives on their own, and no one thrives alone either. Yes, you might feel an excruciating loneliness after one of life’s hurtful blows. But we are simply not built to survive solo. Isolation will kill us, not protect us. We humans are social animals made for community. Even when family and friends annoy the hell out of us, they remain an essential part of our survivorship."

by Jerry White

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow that was very inspiring. I joined this group a little less than a month ago. I am getting banded in exactly two weeks. I can not believe the support and positive energy that is here on this forum. So glad I joined and I plan on sticking around and being a part of this group. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lisa,

You know it is so true. I know for myself I only know one person that I am close to that has had the band. It is hard to talk to people about our issues because honestly some people just dont underdstand. I cant imagine going through this and not having this forum to come to and read, post, and get inspired....I think inspiration from others and the encouragement that we received here is just freaking AMESOME! I think this is a great post for EVERYONE to read!!!!

Carrie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That was great! I agree we cannot do this alone. I even have a friend that used to live by me and we worked out together and really kept each other on track. She moved away but we still email back and forth and keep each other going. It really helps a lot!

For me, even just coming in here makes a big difference. Even after I get to where I want to be i'll still come in here often. It seems many disappear after they hit their goal and it's mostly newer folks in here. But I need this even more I think after I hit goal. I don't want to get complacent and get back to where I was. It can happen quickly!

I appreciate you all!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just want to say that this quote really struck me in a profound way. There are a lot of people who get the band and unfortunately do not have the support from friends, family, and associates and they feel all alone in this world because they are surrounded by constant negativity. It is with forums like this one that make a huge difference.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with you gals. There's something about simply reading the posts that keeps me on track. The past couple of months have been rough mentally for me (stressful; not related to the band). I haven't even thought about my band for weeks, which is weird. I'm going to try and check in more frequently.

Um, is it possible that typing on this new format seems faster? Probably not. I'm just high on penecillin (strep throat).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This really hit me and made me think about our forum, how we work to support each other and help each other succeed.

I wanted to take a moment to thank each and everyone one of you for always being there for me - I don't know if I could have done this without you. One of the reasons for my success is that I did not isolate myself – I made sure to come to the forum for support, I did not always participate by posting, but I always kept up to date and checked in. I think it’s so important that we use this forum in a positive way to support each other and help one another succeed, with the understanding that all of our successes will be different and that's OK.

We can’t do this alone; we are a Village and a strong community. Sometimes this path can be hard, but that's OK, we're here for each other!

“It Takes a Village to Survive: "No one survives on their own, and no one thrives alone either. Yes, you might feel an excruciating loneliness after one of life’s hurtful blows. But we are simply not built to survive solo. Isolation will kill us, not protect us. We humans are social animals made for community. Even when family and friends annoy the hell out of us, they remain an essential part of our survivorship."

by Jerry White

Lisa, you are so right that we all need each other. We all feel at one point of this journey, be it at the beginning, or the middle, or at goal and beyond, that we are experiencing something we swear no one else has and it can get so discouraging and then lo and behold, you get on this forum and find the utmost relief that someone else knows exactly what you're going through. What seems to be the greatest about it though is that 99.9% of us on here have never even had conversation face-to-face but always seem to be there for another through the battles and challenges of this band. I feel so fortunate to have found you all =)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Boy, did I need to see this. I've been so bummed out lately. I don't know how to put my finger on it but I'm just not myself. I'm in a "just don't care", "can't be bothered" kind of mood. I didn't even have the energy to post on my one-year bandiversary which was Wednesday. I have lost almost 90 pounds but I'm still the same person and that person struggles with good and bad days. I think I thought losing all this weight would be a magic fix for any and everything that wasn't right with my life. Nope, I am still me and life still has it's ups and downs. On the weight-loss front, it's funny how fat I still feel. I know the number on the scale keeps going down, and people keep telling me how good I look, but the extra skin is still there and plastic suregry is not do-able financially for a few years. Some days I eat crap and justify it cause I'm afraid that losing more weight will actually make the extra skin look worse, but then the next day I feel like I need to keep going and get to my goal (160) or maybe even try for a goal of 140 or 150....which I have NEVER been in my adult life. I don't know. I don't mean to be a bummer, but I could use some good virtual vibes sent my way.

Sabrina:)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love forums and this one is just perfect for where I am in my life. I believe it takes a village for so many parts of our lives. I know I have a few villages. ;) Since I'm so new to this forum I really appreciate being able to read all of the input from so many who are just starting to those who are at goal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Boy, did I need to see this. I've been so bummed out lately. I don't know how to put my finger on it but I'm just not myself. I'm in a "just don't care", "can't be bothered" kind of mood. I didn't even have the energy to post on my one-year bandiversary which was Wednesday. I have lost almost 90 pounds but I'm still the same person and that person struggles with good and bad days. I think I thought losing all this weight would be a magic fix for any and everything that wasn't right with my life. Nope, I am still me and life still has it's ups and downs. On the weight-loss front, it's funny how fat I still feel. I know the number on the scale keeps going down, and people keep telling me how good I look, but the extra skin is still there and plastic suregry is not do-able financially for a few years. Some days I eat crap and justify it cause I'm afraid that losing more weight will actually make the extra skin look worse, but then the next day I feel like I need to keep going and get to my goal (160) or maybe even try for a goal of 140 or 150....which I have NEVER been in my adult life. I don't know. I don't mean to be a bummer, but I could use some good virtual vibes sent my way.

Sabrina:)

SOOO glad to hear that someone feels the same way. I have lost all this weight, but I still feel fat. When I get compliments, I think in my head, yeah, but if you could see what is under these clothes! My stomach and arms are terrible and I too can't afford PS. Just recently i've really challenged myself to start working out more hoping it can help tone some of this up, but at my age i'm not sure how much that will happen. I'm gonna try my hardest though and have been looking up exercises online that can help my trouble spots. I find myself looking at myself in the mirror and just staring at myself, but I have to remind myself how much healthier I am now. I think back when I was bigger I was in denial of how big I was, and now i'm more aware of it and it's much harder. But I know this is sooo much better!

Keep your chin up!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its great to hear everyone's feedback and I’m with you girls; just because we look different (better) it doesn’t mean that our problems are fixed. Sometimes it adds in more complex problems.

It’s hard for me right now, I’m really struggling, the most interesting thing happens when you look different – most women – friggen hate me – with my friends – they loved me as the fat girl friend, but I can walk in a room and get glares now. Don’t get me wrong, I kind of understand why – since I’ve lost my weight and changed my body through exercise – I dress pretty dam sexy – because I like it, I worked hard for this body and it looks good. I just don’t think people should think of me differently (I’m the same person). My husband is not as happy with me as I thought he would be – seems he liked me bigger and less active.

It’s pretty much throwing me into a tail spin… Interesting times, I wouldn’t change a thing – I love the new me – its just not everyone feels the same about me as I do….

I'll learn to adapt...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lisa,

I agree, I think people do seem to look at us different. I still have a bit to go and you have done AMAZING! Everyone knows that my hubby has been my biggest support system and has even changed his eating and exercise habits as well. I am VERY proud of him but on the flip side, he has recently started making comments in reference to me leaving him, finding someone better, etc....The guys at work has been giving him a really hard time about this. They even go as far as telling him everyone they know that has had WL surgery has left their husbands. It is causing him to doubt everything and this is not fair to me because I have NEVER given him a reason to think different. Dont get me wrong, he is very proud of me, but I do wonder if sometimes if I would have stayed the way I was, we would not be having these issues....

I agree with you Lisa, I would not change this for nothing, I have ALWAYS put everyone else first and Im sorry but it was our chance and we took it and we ran with it! You are doing great! For me, I have NEVER been able to wear sexy cloths, IF I ever get to where you are, I would LOVE to wear cute sexy things! I think there is a way you can look really sexy and not trashy! I want my Husband to be proud of me and be proud that he has a sexy wife! I think these are issues that they are going to have to work on, I think we have plenty of our on to deal with....Its hard balancing our problems with their insecurities, for me, my husband just dont understand how many insecurites I have of my own and I think it gets worse the more weight comes off.......

Good Luck to you and I pray everthing works out for everyone that is going through these issues.....

Carrie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You all said it! I look back on where I was a year ago and sheesh, without all of you and the forum, I never would have survived the past year. I will do my best to back here and giving support as I had received it. Great post Lisa!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lisa,

I agree, I think people do seem to look at us different. I still have a bit to go and you have done AMAZING! Everyone knows that my hubby has been my biggest support system and has even changed his eating and exercise habits as well. I am VERY proud of him but on the flip side, he has recently started making comments in reference to me leaving him, finding someone better, etc....The guys at work has been giving him a really hard time about this. They even go as far as telling him everyone they know that has had WL surgery has left their husbands. It is causing him to doubt everything and this is not fair to me because I have NEVER given him a reason to think different. Dont get me wrong, he is very proud of me, but I do wonder if sometimes if I would have stayed the way I was, we would not be having these issues....

I agree with you Lisa, I would not change this for nothing, I have ALWAYS put everyone else first and Im sorry but it was our chance and we took it and we ran with it! You are doing great! For me, I have NEVER been able to wear sexy cloths, IF I ever get to where you are, I would LOVE to wear cute sexy things! I think there is a way you can look really sexy and not trashy! I want my Husband to be proud of me and be proud that he has a sexy wife! I think these are issues that they are going to have to work on, I think we have plenty of our on to deal with....Its hard balancing our problems with their insecurities...

Carrie

Carrie,

How weird, my boyfriend said the same thing to me yesterday. He went to the hospital yesterday w/ his mom to visit an uncle and him & his cousins got to talking about my banding and they told him that I would leave him when I got thin. He then came home and brought it up to me. I was thinking to myself "Yah, when I leave you it will have nothing to do with my weight and it probably will be well before all the weight even comes off." But that is another story that goes something like all the years of you telling me how unattractive and fat I look took a tole on the "love" I had for you and loosing weight is not going to bring it back ever. If there is a correlation that can be made between those who have had wls and experienced seperations/divorces I wonder if like me it is because there were/are underlying issues involving lack of support, verbal abuse and general negativity in those cases?

My weight lose is my revenge on everyone who has ever been mean and negative towards me regarding my appearence, so if I get dirty looks and glares it is fine with me. Like I said, most of the times I have found that the negativity in the every day world is a complete 180 from what we receive from this forum.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bogiesmom,

Im sorry you had to hear that from your husband, Im sorry but that is just terrible and I could not imagine my husband ever saying this to me, no one should have to hear that! My husband and I had problems before me getting banded because he did not want me to get the band. He was so scared that something was going to go wrong and he would not even discuss it until about 3 weeks or so before I got the surgery. I had to sit him down and explain to him that I was doing this for ME, no other reason, that I wanted to be a better wife and mother. He since has been 100% my biggest supporter and fan. He himself has transformed not only his body but his mental state in regards to health and fitness, it has been nothing but great for our family. I think for him, he is easy influence by people and what they say. He also is seeing looks from guys towards me that he has not seen before. One reason I decided to start working out with him again is because it gives us something to really work hard on together and what better support to have than the one you love the most. I think this will also help his insecurities if I am right there beside him doing this journey as much as he has been there for me!

Marriage is W.O.R.K in-itself not to mention added issues you are facing...I wish you and your husband nothing but the best!!!

Carrie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great post! :) I also firmly believe it takes a village. I have been a Navy wife for almost 17 years and in this time, I have lived in many areas and many many of the other military wives and I work together from everything to planning all types of events to helping each other raise our kids to giving the support needed when needed. It does take a village.

Sabrina, I am sending you them good virtual vibes right now. :D

Shelby, between you and Sabrina, I swear you two are reading my thoughts.

I am not sure if PS will happen anytime soon for me either, too much money and even if the Navy will cover it, honestly kinda scared.

I went yesterday and tried on dresses for my husbands Christmas party, and I was trying on size 6s. This is the size I was when I first met my husband. I haven't weighed under 150 since before I was pregnant with my daughter in late 1994.

I want to look elegant for the party and in the mirror I still see the old me that was not so small. Then in pictures, I realize I do look different. Ugh... It can be so frustrating.

Lisa, you are Amazing and your outside appearance is a reflection of who you are. You are an inspiration! Keep smiling..

Carrie, I am sorry that your husband is getting crap from co-workers. His co-workers must not really know him very well. Everything I have learned about him on here from you, tells me he is a supportive and very loving husband.

And you are right, marriage is work!

No ones relationship is perfect and we all must work in one form or another to keep it strong.

I don't think my husband understands all my insecurities either. I know have more than he thinks I have.

This forum is a wonderful village to be a part of and I am thankful to have found all of you!

Hugs to all,

Kristi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bogiesmom,

Im sorry you had to hear that from your husband, Im sorry but that is just terrible and I could not imagine my husband ever saying this to me, no one should have to hear that! My husband and I had problems before me getting banded because he did not want me to get the band. He was so scared that something was going to go wrong and he would not even discuss it until about 3 weeks or so before I got the surgery. I had to sit him down and explain to him that I was doing this for ME, no other reason, that I wanted to be a better wife and mother. He since has been 100% my biggest supporter and fan. He himself has transformed not only his body but his mental state in regards to health and fitness, it has been nothing but great for our family. I think for him, he is easy influence by people and what they say. He also is seeing looks from guys towards me that he has not seen before. One reason I decided to start working out with him again is because it gives us something to really work hard on together and what better support to have than the one you love the most. I think this will also help his insecurities if I am right there beside him doing this journey as much as he has been there for me!

Marriage is W.O.R.K in-itself not to mention added issues you are facing...I wish you and your husband nothing but the best!!!

Carrie

Thanks for the encouragement but I am not married to him so no worries there. Being contractually & legally bound to him does not seem very appealing to me. I am glad you and yours are supportive of each other. That is something I do not have so but that is okay because I am in a healthy and supportive relationship with all of you. ^_^

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...