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I feel like a failure


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I want to thank anyone up front who understands and reads this, and I want to say that I am sorry if I have not been such a great roll model.

It's embarassing to even write about this. I was down to 160 last April and now I am up to 176. The 160 didn't last long because I had been over filled (but still shocked to see 160) When the fill came down the weight went up.

Once in a while I still slime, but in general I eat anywhere from 1.5 to 3 cups at a meal. Rarely 3, and usually 2 Cups. I blame my hormones or the fact that I have been in school full time for the last 7 monthes. I have low energy and don't push my self to exercise anymore. My house is on the market and I am on call to clean it up for showings. Disruptive! I just feel that I don't have the ability to focus on my weight loss life style if ANYTHING gets in the way, I put myself last.

I can suceed when I am narrow minded on my journey with keeping strick logs of my food intake and calories...being religous about my exercise...reading the forum or going to group suport...I am so humbled (angry, disappointed, depressed, you get it?) to say that I cannot do this on my own.

That being said...I DO LOVE my band, I am afraid to get more fill and I guess I need it with all I can eat. But being overfilled once and not being able to keep water down for two days made a real chicken of me. Also I know that I will miss eating the foods and vegetables that I eat now.

Okay, I am a whinner, but it has been really hard for me to admitt how vounerable I really am. So tell me, how do I grow a back bone?

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Backbone, you already have it girl! It took alot of courage to admit you have been slipping and are afraid. You have taken the first step back on the road to lap band victory. We are all here to support you and I for one thank you for telling your story. Even with the gain you have still lost alot of weight and been successful. Just start fresh again and I know you will see those pounds fall off.

Thank you for sharing

Debbie

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Elizabeth,

I think it sounds like you are in a good place (judging by your positive yet realisitc attitude) right now to make a fresh start. Im my opinion it doesnt sound like you completely fell of the wagon to begin with so better now than latter.

The first thing that popped into my mind after reading you post was "Back to basics" and I think if you just make sure that you are drinking 6-8 galsses of water, journaling what you eat and when you eat it, watching portion sizes (no more than 2 decks of cards), so on and so forth you will find yourself getting back into a routine and back in the groove. It just takes those initial steps and you have already taken the first one :D

Just think, it is not unrealistic for you to loose 2 pounds per week and by the end of the year you will have lost the weight you gained back. Relatively speaking it is very managable goal.

How to grow a back bone...Once you start integrating small changes back into your lifestyle I believe you will gain confidence and thus a back bone. Studies have shown that when we suffer from low self esteem we are more vulnerable to our environment and people in it. You need your groove back and little by little you will work up the courage for that next fill.

When I was laid off from work one piece of advice that was given to me was to set 1 realistic goal per day to advance my career. For example, work on my resume today or make a lunch appointment with an old contact. I am thinking maybe you can set one small goal a day to get where you want to be if the changes seem too overwhelming to do all together. Like mabe tomorrow your goal can be to get 30 minutes of excercise for example.

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Hey Barb!

I agree with other members here that you have done the right thing to post here for support. Have you ever tried the 5-day pouch test? It has been discussed on this forum before. If you Google it, the lady that helped develop it has a web site that is really cool. The thing about it is the first few days are all liquid. There is nothing like working liquids (and seeing the scale go down a pound or two) and eliminating all other food choices for "getting your head right" about the foods/amounts you've been eating. I have done it a couple of times to get back on track. I agree with Pammie--this time of year will be an added challenge. Pumpkin pie just goes down too easy. I think it also sounds like you need a fill, despite your fears. We're all rootin' for ya--keep this thread going and post about how you are managing. Use the rest of us as your accountability group to boost you to success. You can do it!! :)

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Hey Barb!

I agree with other members here that you have done the right thing to post here for support. Have you ever tried the 5-day pouch test? It has been discussed on this forum before. If you Google it, the lady that helped develop it has a web site that is really cool. The thing about it is the first few days are all liquid. There is nothing like working liquids (and seeing the scale go down a pound or two) and eliminating all other food choices for "getting your head right" about the foods/amounts you've been eating. I have done it a couple of times to get back on track. I agree with Pammie--this time of year will be an added challenge. Pumpkin pie just goes down too easy. I think it also sounds like you need a fill, despite your fears. We're all rootin' for ya--keep this thread going and post about how you are managing. Use the rest of us as your accountability group to boost you to success. You can do it!! :)

Tootsie_LouDid I hear someone say pumpkin pie! That is my weakness....ugh! I will be making the pumpkin crustless pie this year. It is yummy and not loaded with guilt....I mean fat! Ha!

Barb - With each failure we gain experience and strength. Matter of fact with out failure, sweet success would not feel nearly as good! You are awesome, don't get down on your self. Focus on some postives, tell yourself each day how great you are going to do! Pump yourself up! Dust yourself off! We are blessed, we have bands to help us manage our weight! How fricking awesome is that! Glad you are back. Keep sharing. My surgeon says those who stay plugged in have better success! Way to get your self plugged in!

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Tootsie_LouDid I hear someone say pumpkin pie! That is my weakness....ugh! I will be making the pumpkin crustless pie this year. It is yummy and not loaded with guilt....I mean fat! Ha!

Barb - With each failure we gain experience and strength. Matter of fact with out failure, sweet success would not feel nearly as good! You are awesome, don't get down on your self. Focus on some postives, tell yourself each day how great you are going to do! Pump yourself up! Dust yourself off! We are blessed, we have bands to help us manage our weight! How fricking awesome is that! Glad you are back. Keep sharing. My surgeon says those who stay plugged in have better success! Way to get your self plugged in!

Angie you are such an exhorter. I just love reading your posts. :D

Debbie

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I miss this poting site more than I realized.

Reading your reply's has litterally brought tears to my eyes. You are all such a great sorce of strength.

I am going to find the 5 day pouch test and let you all know (keep myself plugged in for help) how I do at finding out where my pouch is at. Thank you so much, hugs Barb

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what gets me through is emailing a friend whenever I am "screwing up" she keeps me motivated. We did really well! She doesnt have the internet right now and I havent been doing as good. Tried doing this with a few others but the emails are often enough. We emailed each meal (felt accountable)...what we weighed when we weighed in (I have to do it each day to keep motivated), any time we felt the urge to eat something we should have...etc etc..u get the drift. It really helped!

So maybe if u have someone - or even posting on here lots might help. If u need an email buddy just let me know. I get mine on my cell. The only time I have it off is while I am with a client. :)

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I agree it is so great that you came in here. Best first step you can take!!!!

Don't beat yourself up - if it were that easy we wouldn't need the band and even it isn't a fix all. Keep coming in here and just get back to basics and you will get back on track.

Due to a lot of stressful things going on w/ me I had to get a partial unfill and it is really kicking my butt! I am a stress eater and the stress is still there, so my eating has not been good. I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying not to get down as that will cause me to eat even more.

I'm also hitting the 5 day pouch test on Friday to try to get my rear in gear. Can't get a fill until the 1st week of Dec and even that won't put me back up to where I was so I need to deal for at least two months.

Keep your chin up!

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I'm going to go on the 5 day pouch test on Friday also. Before, when I was really focused on the proecess I used a site called fitday.com to log all my food and exercise, it was free and it broke down calories and nutrition, it even told you when you would reach your goal weight.

angie, you seem like a real firecracker LOL

I am bumed that I have to keep losing the same weight over again after I loose it.

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Debbie - break out the dictionary! LOL I had to look up the word "exhorter" because I was unclear of the meaning. Now I am a bit smarter because of you! Thanks!

Margaret - your the best! Thanks for the compliment! (I think you rock too!)

Debbie - I suppose I can come on a bit strong! Ha! I will say that you have my admiration, personally I think you are very smart for knowing to use the tools, other than the tool in your stomach to get back on track. It's funny to me how my thinking can be so off. What I mean is I lost 100lbs a while ago by shear hard work and a drastic change in my eating. At that time, I was on top of the world. I felt great and "NEVER" thought in a million years I would fall back into my "old ways." Well, guess what. I broke my foot, my now hubsand began cooking and wow did I ever pack the lbs on! It was so pitiful. The more I would eat crap'o'la and garbage food, the worse I would feel. The worse I would feel, the more garbage food I would eat. Before long I feel into a depression. It is so crazy how fast I put the lbs back on too! So dishearting. To get to the point, I didn't pull myself up by my boot straps. I did nothing to help myself. Viola! Here I am today, working on a change again.

This time, I needed help. My life has changed so much from the days of prior weight loss and to be frank. I didn't have the umph to do it again. I couldn't find my MOJO to get moving and start a positive pattern to build on. I am a results oriented person. I see results and I get motivated! REALING myself back in here.....LOL What I am saying is you are doing great things for yourself. That my friend you should be VERY PROUD OF! Screw guilt! Who has time for it? Do your very best today, and I will too! We will pick each other up along the way when we fall short. Honesty is the antidote to my diseased thinking for sure. You are on the right track!

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I agree it is so great that you came in here. Best first step you can take!!!!

Don't beat yourself up - if it were that easy we wouldn't need the band and even it isn't a fix all. Keep coming in here and just get back to basics and you will get back on track.

Due to a lot of stressful things going on w/ me I had to get a partial unfill and it is really kicking my butt! I am a stress eater and the stress is still there, so my eating has not been good. I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying not to get down as that will cause me to eat even more.

I'm also hitting the 5 day pouch test on Friday to try to get my rear in gear. Can't get a fill until the 1st week of Dec and even that won't put me back up to where I was so I need to deal for at least two months.

Keep your chin up!

Are you still planning to start the 5 day on Friday? Can you send me a copy of what you are doing? I have read a couple different ways of doing it and wonder what the right way is.

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((((((((((((((((((((GirlBarb)))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs to you. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your challenges and for everyone else too for posting replies. I really needed to see this because I can absolutely relate. Have you started the pouch test or are you starting today?

Good luck to you!

xo

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Tootsie_LouDid I hear someone say pumpkin pie! That is my weakness....ugh! I will be making the pumpkin crustless pie this year. It is yummy and not loaded with guilt....I mean fat! Ha!

Barb - With each failure we gain experience and strength. Matter of fact with out failure, sweet success would not feel nearly as good! You are awesome, don't get down on your self. Focus on some postives, tell yourself each day how great you are going to do! Pump yourself up! Dust yourself off! We are blessed, we have bands to help us manage our weight! How fricking awesome is that! Glad you are back. Keep sharing. My surgeon says those who stay plugged in have better success! Way to get your self plugged in!

Angie

GREAT idea on the NO crust pie. Try making it with Splenda instead of sugar. I have made it this way before and it cuts out SO many bad carbs it is amazing! (it still tasted great also!)

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I did that too! The pie is yummy and it is 1 WW point per slice, now that is a song I can sing! I topped it with FF whip cream....yummo!

Another thing I did was use 98% fat free cream of mushroom soup in my green bean casserole. It didn't taste the same, but hey I didn't miss the calories, so it was a win win!

How are you recovering? Did you have a good Thanksgiving?

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