My 2nd fill is tomorrow. Really it's my third - but my second fill since I took control and started to use this band for what it was intended.
This week I've done pretty well. I've had lots of situations where I went out to eat. Today I had 1/2 a taco and maybe three-quarter of a cup of beans - a boost - a stick of cheese - and for dinner four bites of a beef and blue cheese sandwich. Maybe 1200 calories today. That's the most I've eaten all week - the point is, I really need this fill. I'm hungry.
I'll be interested to see what my weigh-in is tomorrow - I'm excited - I'm nervous.
I'm ready.
Much love,
- Simone
I had convinced myself that a skinny triple grande vanilla latte from Starbuck's (I call it the mother ship... I love coffee) couldn't be THAT bad. I mean it's made with sugar free syrup AND skim milk. Surely - SURELY!! - it isn't too high in calories. What- maybe 80 calories?
Reality check - after I purchased the divine warming manna I came to work to find that it has 160 calories. How in the world did that happen?
Here's how it breaks down:
*sigh... back to the drawing board... (and it goes back to that EASY thing... it was too easy, wasn't it?)
I read somewhere on this board that someone uses a chocolate flavored whey protein mix in their coffee. Brilliant. I think I'll try that.
...
Last night J.T. and I went out for drinks and dinner. I hadn't told him yet about my going to get the fill - but you would think that he would get the picture by how healthy I've been eating. Shying away from their dinner or eating very small portions - HERE'S YOUR SIGN!! Anyway, he came home from work tired and obviously a bit antsy. Apparently he wanted to hit the dollar margarita night at a local bar and then go out for Mexican food. I wasn't game until I sat with him for awhile and he kept sighing... so we both got dressed (differently) and headed out.
On average there is about 400 calories in a margarita. I knew this one was a big one - so to his five, I drank two. (They were small watered down margaritas) and then we left and headed to a local mexican food restaurant.
So here it is - short and sweet. I ate more than I should have, but not as much as I normally would - and when it hit me "hey, you're full!" I put my plate on the other side of the table. The waitress came by, "What, you don't like the chicken enchilladas?"
"Loved them, I'm full."
"What?!"
"Yes, full. Can I have a to-go box, please?"
So she went to get it.
Here's the deal - I told JT about the fill on the second. You could tell he thought it a bad idea.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No, you obviously have an opinion. What is it?"
"I just think you should wait til' after the fourth so you can enjoy it."
"Nope, I'm not waiting. I don't need food to enjoy the day."
Bells rang in my head. HELLO!!!
I DO NOT NEED FOOD TO ENJOY THE DAY!!! DID YA HEAR THAT?!
When it left my mouth I was so tickled I thought I needed to carve it in my forehead. (maybe my tongue?)
So that's my parting thought for this blog: you do not need food to enjoy the day. Neither do I.
You can enjoy food - but it does NOT need to be the highlight of your day.
Much love - get to dancing.
Well. This is me. February 6, 2008, I was banded. I got a fill six weeks later. ... and then two weeks after that I fell and injured a rebuilt ankle. Two months after that - I fell again.
So - after finding this fantastic forum I realized that I had no excuses anymore. It was time.
I had lost enough weight to go down comfortably two sizes. ... AND THEN ... I went up three sizes.
Nice.
I want to be healthy.
I had this surgery for a reason.
I have some fantastic friends - but some of them are really adept at sabbatoging. My best friend actually told me that she wouldn't be able to handle my being smaller than her. That was odd to hear.
I'm ready - I'm going to do this. My fill is scheduled for July 2nd at 9:30 a.m. I am mortified to go back into the doctor as a failure - but encouraged that I can get past that - and do what is right for me. This isn't about the doctor, my friends or my family.
This is about me. Which is what this blog is about.
I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks getting ready for this fill. Eating healthier. Paying attention to what I'm putting in my body. No sodas. No bread.
Thanks for being with me in this beginning - every day is new - I have fantastic opportunities ahead of me.
Much love.
This morning at work I walked out how many steps it will take to walk one of our largest rooms, back and forth. About 2000 steps is a mile. To the back of the room, (and up and down five steps) is about 108 steps. If I walk this about twenty times a day I will have walked a mile.
So I set my computer to notify me when it's time to walk again. Luckily, the ladies I work with will do this with me. I'm being selective now about those I tell about the band. Not because I'm thinking I'll fail - but because these people have shown a history of going out of their way to want to go out to eat, bake cakes, drink a lot of wine... it's easier just to pull those close to me who I know want this for me too - than it is to let all of this out to the world quite yet.
Last night I had a crazy craving for sweets - since the rest of my family had hotdogs with chili, cheese and chips - I opted for a healthy frozen dinner with a significant amount of protein. (and 240 calories) Then an hour later, I still wanted sweets so I made my way in the kitchen to find a forty calorie fudge pop. It was so yummy. Yesterday's calories equaled about 1400. Not because of the fudge pop - but because I was eating a corndog with my daughter around 2 p.m. before I realized I was doing it.
Mindless eating - drives me batty!! I'm going to have to do some research on how to combat that - the mindless eating. You see someone else eating... so you eat too. I ordered a book that I read about here (in the forums) - how skinny people think. (If anyone wants it after I read it - I'll mail it to you.)
Then I found a place online that had a pretty basic (but needed to read) take on how skinny people think. I liked it.
....
So here's the deal - I always got ruffled before when someone said the word fat. Welp - if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck... it's fat.
Denial isn't a pretty thing.
Getting healthy, however, is.
Much love.
So I'm reading a book on 'thinking thin' - it goes through different exercises (not physical) on how to change your thinking.
One of the big things it talks about is accepting when you make a 'mistake' (eat something you know you shouldn't) and then rewiring your brain from 'failure' to picking yourself up and moving forward.
I think many people who have worked on their weight have dealt with this. You have a day where you have totally eaten the whole quart of icecream, or three brownies, that whole plate of enchiladas, the work potluck and more... and then figured we've already 'messed up' so the next chocolate chip cookie (or four) won't matter.
But you see - because we want healthy bodies, it does matter. And a huge turning point for me is realizing that the occasional trip doesn't mean failure. More often than not - it means I get to work on my muscle building in the area of controlling myself.
So - today's fill went fantastically. I've lost five pounds, the doctor was pleased, the nurse and I had an interesting chat and the fill was simple.
The talk with the nurse was interesting - she told me that protein shakes are not ideal for banders. Also she had the opinion that milk isn't good for banders - in any form. I am a fan of low-fat cheese - and boost protein shakes. I have such hectic mornings that it's really hard to find time for breakfast, and I've learned that if I don't make time for breakfast ... well, then I over eat the rest of the day. So in as much as I appreciated her opinion, what I'm doing now seems to be working for me.
Feeling good...
... feeling accomplished.
Much love.
- Simone
We are remodeling a house.
It's killing me.
It's also keeping me from thinking about food.
That is a major bonus of remodeling a house. We're also moving into this house on Sunday because it we stay a few more weeks we have to pay another house payment here and a house payment there... so, Sunday, I'm moving.
*sigh....
I don't think about food, but I am doing so good staying away from sweets. Didn't touch any of the icecrem today - even the low calorie stuff. Woot! Yay me.
Had half a grilled fish, half a potato with beans poured on it (maybe an 1/8th of a cup), salad, Boost for breakfast, cheese stick and then a cup of blackbeans for dinner. Maybe 900 calories today... felt a bit sick to my stomach today... I think it was because we got so hot working. It's 102 here today. Hot.
So I'm trying to figure out a few things - how long does your body take to get over 'starvation mode' because I'm sure that's what mine is thinking and then - what am I going to do if there is a problem with my fill.
Here's the deal. I'm consuming this 900 calories a day... and I'm doing fine. It's like I hit a switch in my head that I never knew about - but dang it, I sure would like to keep the tool (the band) there to help.
So - I'm nervous about the fill - I'm scared it won't happen - that I've gained too much, it's moved... something...
It will work as it is supposed to. Have to have faith in that.
Much love.
- Simone
FRUSTRATION! I weighed. The scales haven't budged?? How is that possible? I have been averaging 1200 calories a day - seriously? Not one pound??
How very frustrating.
But the light at the end of the tunnel - I didn't think what I used to: 'why am I even doing this?' etc...
I thought, "Well, I'll have to work harder."
I guess I'll need to add more excercise. But, geez, we're renovating a house right now, I spend every single day sweating and climbing up and down ladders, lots of water and eating low calories, healthy food... Sometimes 11 or 12 hours a day of working, lifting, climbing and reaching.
We'll try again next week... I'm scared to death the doctor won't do my fill because I've gained weight.
Here's to hope and the future.
Much love.
- Simone
Why does it feel like the time between now and my fill date (July 2nd) is F O R E V E R? I seem to glance at the calendar almost every day thinking that surely it should be closer than it is.
So - I may be becoming obsessive about counting calories. It's funny - when you really pay attention to it, it all begins to add up. Breakfast 240, Lunch 560, Dinner 200. I went to Taco Bueno to get dinner for JT, Jeff and I and I kept thinking to myself: I want a taco. But a taco is fried and has lots of calories. Will the taco really give you the fuel that you need...
and so I ordered myself a sideorder of black beans - and poured a hot sauce in it. Can I say - it was yummy. Really, really good. Only 200 calories if you add the hotsauce. That's about 3/4 of a cup of beans and I was full after eating it. I'm trying to imagine what eating will be like after getting the fill... maybe the same? Maybe different. But I'm making every effort to change my eating habits every day.
I started to look at the word 'diet' ... every single person in the world is on some type of diet... because diet deals with eating. Bad diets caused me to weigh this much... a good diet is what is allowing me to get healthy. It's all about perspective.
Time for sleep.
Much love to all.
So I'm reading a book right that works on the possibility of training yourself to think like a thin person.
One of the things it mentions is weakening your 'giving-in' muscle and strenghtening your 'resistance' muscle.
For everytime you can turn away from that plate of cookies - or not eat the onion rings that your BF bought for you - or stop eating when you're FULL... then you are weakening your 'giving-in' muscle and strenghtening that resistance that is very necessary to succeed.
I liked this concept - last night he did bring home onion rings. I thought about it - realized I didn't even want the onion rings and I passed. At lunch yesterday I had grilled catfish and beans poured into a dry baked potato - and I didn't finish even half of any of it. Why? Because I was FULL. The waitress came back three times asking me if I didn't like my food. I thought the food was fantastic but if I actually pay attention to what I'm eating and how my body is reacting to it ... I notice I'm full much more quickly than ever before.
Today for lunch JT wanted to go get a burger - I gave him 'the look' ... so we decided on Subway for me and he had the lunch special at a local place (BLT's and fries) ... as I watched him eat the BLT I remembered how much I loved them... and how many awful things those BLTs have done for my rump and hips. I didn't need to eat THAT to feel full - but half a 6" sandwich was more than enough for me.
This is the hardest thing I'm working on - NOT drinking when I eat. Although I thought I drank a lot of liquids throughout the day, I never realized that I seem to consume most of them at a meal. It's hard not to drink unsweet tea while I eat - not even sweet tea and this is the SOUTH - everyone seems to drink sweet tea here but me. But not drinking anything while eating? That's a tough one.
I'm working on it though. I'm doing it - and I'm feeling good about it all too!
Wishing love and strong resistance muscles to everyone.
Much love.
- Simone
Where is it that we lose motivation? What is it in the personality of the people who don't?
I was thinking on those questions while driving to work this morning.
You know we've all done it. We're ready to lose weight. We've cleaned out our cabinets. Shopped for healthy fair. Read books. Made promises to ourselves. Bought a new scale. I've done these things so many times.
Best intentions. We recognize we're not healthy and for some reason (appearance, health, pressures) we decide we're going to get healthy (let's call it what it is... SKINNY!!).
Where do we fall off the wagon? Why is it easy day one, day five - but you hit around day ten and it is just hard.
Because it's EASY to stop and just pick up a burger. Because it's EASY to grab a bag of cookies. (and then proceed to work on the whole bag) EASY.
Eating
All?
Seriously?!
Yuck!!!
I'm going to have to think of better EASY sayings - but that's it. We like food being easy. I like food being easy. I have so much to do and to worry about the quality of food I'm putting in my body - and then the amount of food - is maddening. It's tiring.
But I'll tell you what's more tiring - not being able to bend over and touch your toes. No being able to walk up and down a flight of stairs.
THAT'S TIRING!!
So here's to fighting easy.
Any help with coming up with better forms of EASY?
Much love.
