storm

Hmmm, OK...8cc's seems like alot. Is the feeling of being stuck what it's supposed to feel like when you feel full, or are those 2 different feelings? I rarely feel full but if i am not careful, I definately get STUCK and sick. That's the worst! Tonight we went out for chinese and I could only eat the apetizers. They should have brought out the brocoli first haha. No drinking tonight though so that's good. I need to keep an eye on the drinking for sure. Maybe even quit and join AA??? Not because I am an alchie, but because it makes me fat. Anyone down to start an AA meeting for lap banders?

I guess I have nothin to say because I keep typing, deleting, typing, deleting...I just want to know that someone is out there who has been where I am and they get through this feeling. I will go get another fill, so I can eat less still. There's got to be more to this than the food issues. I am so tired of looking in the mirror at myself and not liking what I see!! How did I let myself go like this? Nobody looks anymore. I hope that changes. Good night.

oooh hang in there mama...everything happens for a reason and makes you a better person. Better. Feel better. I'm going to mex again. Not for a fill, just for a trip. Gotta be out of town. ha.

I went out to breakfast for Mother's Day, had a veggie burger with bacon. That's right. With onion rings. I ate it slowly and got most of it down without pain, never did feel really full, then felt sick all day. I have 5 cc's in my band now so I shouldn't be eating that much but it was like the floodgates opened and I could eat....so I ate. Needless to say, I really haven't lost any weight, what did I expect, that the fat would melt away? It's not, nothing has changed. Except that sometimes I forget what I'm doing and I eat quickly, it gets stuck, and I throw up and feel sick the rest of the night. That's what happened today, and when I told my daughter to get in the car, and I threw up in the bushes in the parking lot, she said "Mom, you threw up at Target too"...um, yeah, that was last week. I suck at this and it's affecting my family life. Here's the problem...when I eat, I eat till I get stuck, but then I just feel stuck, not full. And I am still HUNGRY so I want to keep eating even though I am STUCK and it's starting to hurt. Does anyone feel FULL after eating just the right portion or is that what full feels like now (stuck and painful?) Where is the nice warm full feeling I used to feel? That's my question and now here's my RANT: I want to feel satisfied. Instead I just nibble all day and feel irritated. I want to taste my food and eat it warm. Instead I am concentrating intensely on chewing it really well which I don't enjoy. I still drink too much which is probably most of my weight loss issue. Now I am working too much and not surfing enough. Although I had a great surf vacation last month...but drank the whole week and gained 3 pounds. I think I am depressed, shit hit the fan with my job (went to straight commission) and my son moved out on his own and I miss his laughter, and my grouchy old husband is out of town for a week and I am bored without him, got this book "The Handbook for Lightning Survivors" that I guess I will read. Peace out.

I feel your pain...I'm 28 days post op and gained back 3 pounds this week...yuk! I have no restriction and can eat just like before, maybe not as hungry but that was never my problem anyways...I DRINK my calories in the form of alcohol...anyways...just try to have a little self control and remind yourself how great you did losing the 23 pounds without the band, and how great you want to look this summer. Get out of the house, make your lunch before you go to work so you're making a conscious decision about what you're eating...just hang in there...you can do it!! When you get your fill...I hope...that will help you.

That's awesome! Hang in there...don't eat, you will feel like crap after...just keep busy and get out of the house, go shopping, whatever you can do to not think of food. I can't believe you're losing a pound a day...that's radical...so stoked for you. Have a great day!

You crack me up! I'll definately take you up on movies and wine one of these days! Right now I'm all about getting out in the sunshine and in the water, where I forget my problemsms and remember how small and insignificant I am but feel so at peace with that and realize there is noting in the world worth taking my peace...or being mad for...I had a great weekend, I'm so grateful for my "extracurricular interests and good friends. You should look me up on facebook...I will give you my info somehow...maybe text it to you?

Last night my cell phone died in the middle of text central...3 friends, my son, and my little brother, all looking to see what my plans were for surfing this morning. 8am, let's do it! So I decided to charge the phone and go to bed...and when I awoke at 7 this morning, the backyard was coverred in fog...good...here come the texts, where am I, what am I doing? I'm still in bed waiting for the fog (and mental fog) to lift...but i couldn't wait...the excitement was too much...had to get the boards loaded up. Then my son called..."Uh mom, can you bring me my board too and I will meet you there?" noooooo!!!!! I am ready to leave noooooooowwww!!!" He said I was over-reacting...I'm thinking "Well yeah if it had been 6 weeks since you'd been surfing you would be spitting fire at anyone who got in your way too!" Good thing my friend was already in the water when I got there cuz it wasn't looking all that great and when it's winter, chilly, and it doesn't look perfect, it's hard to get out there...but I was committed...and I knew I was back, cuz when I stepped out of the truck I could smell that salt air that changes everything...it was enough to push me forward towards the shorebreak and then it hit me...the 58 degree water over my feet, my brain's response that always says the same thing "Oh, it's not that cold"...then the shift to focus on getting outside quickly...over pounding shorebreak and away from the danger zone...then...the ice cream headache...and stretching my shoulders and neck my putting my head down, which inadvertantly causes motion sickness so I tilted my head up slightly and smiled towards san pedro...thinking...all I need is one perfect wave...nothing else mattered. That was 8 hours ago and I am still smiling. I'm glad I had this surgery...maybe if I wasn't a surfer and in a bathing suit and wetsuit all the time, I wouldn't be so concerned about my weight...but I want to surf better, lighter, and with more style...so I need to shed this flesh that inhibits me...I will have to invest in a warmer wettie.

i LOVE all of your comments, you guys are awesome and thank you so much for all of your support. I knew when I married this jerk that he is bipolar and very opinionated, and I knew having the surgery i would not have his support...he doesn't like makeup, shaving, dyed hair, fake books, etc...he's a total hippie. There are alot of qualities that are amazing, but he didn't think I needed this surgery and didn't want me to spend money on it. It was important enough to me to do it anyways, and he's so sorry now for being such an ass...he realizes that it's my body and I can do what I want, and even if he doesn't agree, he can't win every disagreement...he had to get away for a few days to realize how good he has it, and it will probably take some time for me to feel better about hanging out together, but he isn't terrible...he's alot less than perfect, but he is my second husband, the first was TERRIBLE and a complete ass...and as a stepdad, my kids love him so much...i wouldn't leave him, I wouldn't do that to them, and he needs me, and I need him. It's easy t o walk away, it's hard to stay...and work it out...but I am committed and I guess its easy becasue i do love him so much, but I told him, the more he hurts me, the more I feel like I am falling out of love so he should be careful. not sure it got through but we went surfing this morning and had a good time, I don't hang out with hinm in the water but just having him to load up the boards, and being out there...the second the water touched my feet I instantly felt a hundred times better....like I was home again after being on another planet for 2 months. I can't explain to you all how it feels for me to be in the ocean, just that it is so healing and freeing and I forget every care in the world...I am so happy out there, I really am. I will go bak out tomorrow morning and it will be another great day...doesn't matter if the surf is crappy, my port isn't hurting when I lay on my board to paddle and that was a major concern of mine...yippeeeee!!!! Oh I had a couple poolside drinks so forgive my...whatever you call it...obnoxiousness. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you and you are all so right, i know I am worth more, and I am so grateful for my amazing friends that are here to remind me of that daily....and for all of you...I guess I am insecure too and I need to hear it alot, that it's ok for me to do something for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~!! I hope you are all doing amazing with your weight loss goals, I'm kinda stuck but I am ok with is and looking forward to my first fill in a couple of weeks...after I get back for NICARAGUA foran amazing surf trip, wooohooooo!!!!

You're both doin' great...hang in there! Liquid diet is a pain but its over before you know it!!

MUST...RENT...DRACULA...so fricken irritated...I just need to go surfing...argghhhhh!!!!!

So after my husband's nice morning comment yesterday about how he will still love me when I am skinny, he left for work, and he didn't come home...all day...till 11pm. I didn't ask him where he'd been or anything at all, but this morning he started talking, apologizing...blah blah blah...telling me he missed talking to me, that he was so sorry for mistreating me, that he wanted to rebuild our relationship...I always let him off the hook so easily...I am so weak! But I hate holding grudges...so I caved...I was starting to feel better and I asked him if he told anyone about my lap band. He said he told his daughter (my stepdaughter who I love and respect, but is the LAST person I would want to know)...I cant even put into words how upset I am!!! I want to cry, but I am so tired of his infidelity and just plain self-centerredness that I don't even have any tears left...just a really empty, achy feeling inside. Three weeks ago, after I told him it was really important to me that nobody know, he told my 10 year old daughter that I had surgery in Mexico...I difused it so she doesn't know, and chewed him out...at that time he told me I should have kept it a secret from him, he didn't want to know anything about it and was not going to be supportive. I was hurt that I don't have his support but I was VERY CLEAR that I absolutely don't want any one else knowing, not matter how he feels about it...I got really upset then, and I know he understood that I didn't want him telling anyone, that he was sworn to secrecy...but since he disapproves, he just won't keep his mouth shut!!! He HAD to have someone to commiserate with and so he told his daughter...who will never look at me the same. I am soooo hurt, I can't trust him at all...he says he wants to be my friend but he disrespects my privacy and betrays me by hanging out God knows where all night, for the last 5 nights, telling my loved ones my secrets who have no business knowing...I hate him. I am so hurt, disappointed, and angry. I yelled at him and told him what a jerk he was...he said he was sorry, but then he said "that's just not right". There's no getting through to him. I don't like him anymore.

I am so grateful for all of you on this forum, I realize I am not alone, even though my husband has left town and we havent talked to each other in 10 days...I don't know where he is or when he is coming home...or if he is coming home. I know I made the right decision for myself and this is the hard part...getting through these next few weeks of eating with no fill, not losing any weight...I better start my period today, I am late! And I can't even GET pregnant...WTF??? I am usually a peaceful person but this is craziness... I never expected THESE complications...they were not part of my plan. If I were me, the me I wanted to be, what would I do? Oh I know...get my ass to work and focus on my future!!! OK, bye bye.

Lets do it!!! Whenever you are ready!!!

Thanks so much, everyone, for your responses. I learned a good lesson- TAKE THE PROTEIN SHAKES! Nothing fancy, I just went to CVS and got some Ensures and Boosts...hahaha...good stuff! It's helping me alot...I can do this! As for my husband, I've spent the last 3 nights sleeping in the other room and getting plenty of rest, I'm just avoiding him right now and it's been pretty easy to do...I'm NOT going to let him influence me right now, this is too important to me. He's much older than me and not working right now, so I'm sure he has alot of issues that are causing him to act like this but I refuse to play into it...I'm really thankful for all of the support on this forum and girls, seriously, we are going to look great and feel great...Anyone want to learn to surf this summer, get your bikini on and come on down to HB, I will give you free lessons...I CANT WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE WATER!!!! Michele, sorry to hear about your husband passing...glad you have your life back though! And Browneyes, I heard Alice is Wonderland is awesome! Go see it! And Bogiesmom, you're sweet...I know...thanks for the encouragement Nobody is perfect, he's a good man...he's just human and we're all jerks sometimes

As I am struggling 12 days post surgery- (I'm a little dense I guess, I finally went and bought some protein shakes today because I am tired of feeling weak and defeated...so we'll see how things look in a couple of days) ...I have to reflect...I had no idea food was such a big part of my life. Talk about absence making the heart grow fonder! I always ate and never thought...now I have to think and it's alot of work! Having the willpower to stay away from food...woooow....what a challenge! I think if I can get through another 9 days of this, I will have conquered a huge giant in my life, mentally...they say it takes 28 days to break a habit...maybe I should continue NO SOLIDS for 28 days and see how I do??? I am tired though...my bones are achy just typing this and my eyes sooooo want to close and take a break, even breathing seems like too much work. I appreciate the recipes, the advice...but I think I need SHOCK THERAPY or something like that...to make me STAY AWAY from all of this temptation. I just read somwhere that chocolate is liquid by the time it gets to your band...argggghhhhhh!!!! I'm having a really hard time at home, my husband has gone from pouting to the silent treatment to now just being a total passive aggresive jerk like refusing to eat soups that I make for dinner and going to bed hungry in protest, refusing to help around the house and even giving the kids the cold shoulder just so they will act needier and I will be even more exhausted. It's really HARD to do this alone!!! I don't know what his problem is but it's really getting on my last nerve and I can't even stand to be around him right now, I mean, I slept in the other room last night because I was infuriated at his crappy attitude. I am exhausted and just can't deal...I have to work, care for the kids, fix the meals, do the laundry, shop, clean, and still entertain...I know I just have to hang on a few more weeks...thank God I am going on vacation ALONE in 3 weeks and will get to unwind AND eat...and just relax and feel normal again...I have to look forward to that and believe that I am closer than I think to being thin. PLEASE SOMEONE SEND ENERGY AND STRENGTH... I am praying for God to get me through but I have alot of guilt that God isn't going to answer me when it comes to this problem...??? Don't ask... It's 1pm and I want to sleep but I am making coffee instead. HELP ME!!!

thanks for the recipes and menu...can't wait till I can actually start eating...I blew it again and had 2 eggrolls yesterday! Now I'm back on the juice...carrots, apple, grape, orange...and I will have some veggie broth for lunch...whatabout a few soy noodles? They slide right down??? No???? Argh!!! I am dying!!!