i LOVE all of your comments, you guys are awesome and thank you so much for all of your support. I knew when I married this jerk that he is bipolar and very opinionated, and I knew having the surgery i would not have his support...he doesn't like makeup, shaving, dyed hair, fake books, etc...he's a total hippie. There are alot of qualities that are amazing, but he didn't think I needed this surgery and didn't want me to spend money on it. It was important enough to me to do it anyways, and he's so sorry now for being such an ass...he realizes that it's my body and I can do what I want, and even if he doesn't agree, he can't win every disagreement...he had to get away for a few days to realize how good he has it, and it will probably take some time for me to feel better about hanging out together, but he isn't terrible...he's alot less than perfect, but he is my second husband, the first was TERRIBLE and a complete ass...and as a stepdad, my kids love him so much...i wouldn't leave him, I wouldn't do that to them, and he needs me, and I need him. It's easy t o walk away, it's hard to stay...and work it out...but I am committed and I guess its easy becasue i do love him so much, but I told him, the more he hurts me, the more I feel like I am falling out of love so he should be careful. not sure it got through but we went surfing this morning and had a good time, I don't hang out with hinm in the water but just having him to load up the boards, and being out there...the second the water touched my feet I instantly felt a hundred times better....like I was home again after being on another planet for 2 months. I can't explain to you all how it feels for me to be in the ocean, just that it is so healing and freeing and I forget every care in the world...I am so happy out there, I really am. I will go bak out tomorrow morning and it will be another great day...doesn't matter if the surf is crappy, my port isn't hurting when I lay on my board to paddle and that was a major concern of mine...yippeeeee!!!! Oh I had a couple poolside drinks so forgive my...whatever you call it...obnoxiousness. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you and you are all so right, i know I am worth more, and I am so grateful for my amazing friends that are here to remind me of that daily....and for all of you...I guess I am insecure too and I need to hear it alot, that it's ok for me to do something for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~!! I hope you are all doing amazing with your weight loss goals, I'm kinda stuck but I am ok with is and looking forward to my first fill in a couple of weeks...after I get back for NICARAGUA foran amazing surf trip, wooohooooo!!!!