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stormy

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Blog Entries posted by stormy

  1. stormy

    Second fill

    By stormy,

    Wow this second fill got me. I got .55 of a fill and though that was next to nothing but I sure can feel it. I can not eat the way I was. Sometimes I feel things go down and it is painful. I really need to work on the chewing issue and not eating so fast. People at work say I am losing but the scale is not reflecting this. I am concerned that my stomach is not shrinking. I really am not sure I am losing. Maybe my scale is wrong. I dont know. I may have to get on my eliptical machine and really get this body moving. I have been under a huge amount of stress. I am working on getting mom into a retirement home. I have applied to be her payee on her soc sec check and my sister is very upset about this. My sister has been living off this money and I am taking mom and her money away from her and now she is going to lose everything. I feel bad, but it had to stop. I want mom to be happy and I found her a great place where she will make friends and have a good life. Unfortunately, that puts my sister in a really bad spot. She can't make any of her bills and is going to have her life very fastly fall apart. I hope she does not try to hurt herself or something, then I would really feel awful. All I can do is tell my sister to go get some type of help. She is really a mess right now. I dont want to feel this guilt. The stress is not helping my weight loss. I have to really watch myself cause this could cause me to back slide. I am so glad for this site, the information I receive daily has helped me to support my progress. I hope to continue support for other people while getting support for myself. I am going to work hard at this, I can't wait to be thin and healthy.
  2. stormy

    Packing

    By stormy,

    Today I am packing and getting things ready to go. :-h I got my benefiber, my gas x and my pill crusher so I can take my meds. I bought my husband and I matching suit cases that have wheels on them so we wont have to pick them up, except to put them above us on the plane. I dont plan on checking any luggage, this is all we plan to take. I think a couple changes of clothes should do it. He has to take his seapac machine, I hope they dont make him check his bag because he is taking that. Maybe he can get that in his bag. All we have to do now is pack my sons bag and get the dogs ready to go in the kennell. It is nervewracking. But It helps that we wont be gone long. I hope the recovery goes well. Tomorrow we are going to cover the pool and get the house cleaned so that will help to make things go well when we get home. We should have nothing to worry about, I hope. We leave on Thursday and I go back to work on Tuesday, so we will see how it goes. I'll be glad once this is over. These next few days I bet I am a wreck. It is kinda stressful but the days should go by fast.
  3. stormy
    Ok so one bank called me and approved about $5300.00, that is not enough obviously so I am a bit worried. The loan processor told me not to worry that the next bank will call me next week or maybe the week after. Meanwhile, I got two other banks working on a possible approval. One is here in town and they have a good reputation. I was hoping for one full loan but it looks like it may be two. I am a little nervous.
    hubby is getting nervous. He still has not asked for the time off, he said that it is better to ask about two weeks before hand but he said no matter what he is going. I worry about my son, we are leaving him for the first time and the daycare owner will be watching him. I worry that if something were to happen, we have no will that tells anyone what to do with him. I dont want my family getting a hold of him. I may call a lawyer to get an appt to make a will. We should have done this a long time ago. I have no idea who I would want to take care of my son. He would most likely go to my husbands family, although I dont really know them.
    I guess I am very nervous about this. I have never been to Mexico and you hear horror stories. I am sure it will be fine. I guess my main worry is will I be able to change my poor eating habits? I dont want to pay all this just to have to have it removed. I will have to learn to eat all over again. I am afraid that I will be hungry all the time. I dont think I could stand that. I do however like to drink things so liquid diet should not be an issue for me.
    I thank god I have the support of everyone here. /biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' /><' /> This is a huge decision and I think I have made it with good information on my side and I dont feel like I will be alone if something happens. With my husband doing this too. I think it will help us to make better decisions about what we choose to put in our mouth.
    I look forward to hearing from the bank, I hope they call me soon. This waiting is terrible.
  4. stormy
    Ok yes, I am crazy. I am going to count ever freaking minute. I am excited, worried, scarred. Every emotion that is possible. My husband is freaking out. He is on this job and it has to get done by Tuesday and he is worried they are going to lay him off. I keep telling him just do what you can do and it will be alright. I am going to concentrate my efforts on trying to pay off some bills, since I will soon have a loan to pay for ( I hate loans. I am scarred of something going wrong afterwards. My dr ran some test to check my liver, those results should be in next week. I know I have fatty liver. He said once I lose weight that it should be good. I keep wondering what I should eat now, that I may not be able to eat later. It is nice outside, I should just go for a walk but I am tired. I can't wait for the surgery to be over. I guess my biggest worry is my son. I have never been away from him. How is he going to handle it? He is not going to understand. He can't talk, he has autism. He is not going to be able to tell anyone how afraid he is that we are gone. I am doing this for him. I am going to try to explain this. That he will be ok. I will call him every night, even though he can not talk to me. I will let him hear my voice and tell him I love him. How scarry, it all makes me sad. I hope the person I picked to care for him will be good and really treat him with soft gloves. He is my little man, I would die if something happened to him. ( I am going to hold him every night very close to me. Once this is over, I hope hubby will be ok. He is really nervous about something going wrong. I am trying to stay positive that it will be ok. We are going to lose this weight, we have to..
  5. stormy
    Ok, so the loan paperwork is in. So far they have given me an ok but all the paperwork has to go to the bank for final approval. Appears they have called Dr. O to verify that I did set a date for the surgery. I talked to my boss, she thinks I am insane but approved the time off. The loan person said to wait to buy my airline tickets until he calls me on Monday. I have the money put away for that. I also have the money stashed for the rest of the payment. I need a total of $1700.00 to complete the costs, after the loan. So if they give me the loan, I am breaking into my savings to pay the rest. I will get a loan again my diamond if I have to.
    Hubby is getting nervous. He has not asked for time off yet and I am pushing him to get on this. I want everything set up in advance. I dont like surprizes. My anxiety gets the best of me. I am very nervous about all this. I am going to really start watching what I am eating, I gained another two pounds this week. Not good. It could be water, it is the end of that time of month.
    I worry about leaving my son for the weekend to get this done. I have never left him before. He is not going to understand. He is autisic and I am not sure how much he will understand that we are leaving him for almost 4 days. I think I am going to cry the whole time. He is my little angel.
    My friend at work said she is going to work on me all of August to get me to change my mind. She is afraid that I am going to die from the surgery. She is freaking me out. I tried to explain everything to her, she is almost in tears. I found a dr to do my fills when I get back and my regular dr is very happy about me doing this, so I know that if there was a problem, I bet he would see me and help me. I tried to explain this to her as well. She is going to give me nightmares of dieing and leaving my son alone. She better knock it off.
    All and all I feel ok about this. I just want everything lined up and hope to have it all ready by Monday. I am going to pray about it and if it is meant to happy it will.
  6. stormy

    Starting the process

    By stormy,

    I got on here thinking I would just check to see more about the Lap Band. Having checked it out in Oregon, I was not impressed on what you have to go through to even be considered for the surgery. Once I got to this site, I was amazed /biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' /><' /> . People are so positive. Maybe all the bad stuff is deleted. Who knows, all I know it has changed my whole view about having the surgery out of state.
    My family and friends are not happy about my considering this. Nothing but negative stuff comes out of their mouths and they are hoping I dont get my financing. My husband is scared about me getting it cause he is not sure we can afford it. I tell him we cant afford not to.
    I was going to do it alone but he told me of his fear that I will get thin and leave him. I have explained that is not the case. He thought it over and having talked to me about how bad he feels about his weight, he is going to go with me. I would like to do it when it is not so hot, maybe October. I can't stand to be in the heat. We just heard about the banks going down, so financing is going to be a huge issue. I may have to pay off some bills and even go back to some of the people who are on my credit report and pay them off. There is only two that are being negative since my bankruptcy. Sometimes you can pay them off at a lower rate.
    I am scarred about the possiblity of never having soda and bread and junk food. But I know these things are what are killing me slowly. I know right now, I have no control and I eat way to much. Even though I lost weight on Jenny Craig, I gained most of it back and more.
    I am going to pray every night that god gives me the resources to get this done for both my husband and I. This could change our whole lives. If other people had a good experience in TJ then maybe I will too, the cost of fills is a concern, transportation and such but I will cross that bridge later. For right now, I have to find the money just to get it done. So here I pray. :lb12:
  7. stormy

    Another fill

    By stormy,

    I got my 4th fill today. I dont feel real tight, in fact I dont really feel anything abnormal. I thought I would feel tighter than this. I am able to drink normally. I am kinda hungry. I hope that doesnt mean I am not tight enough. I dont want to be real tight anyway. I am on liquids tonight and soft food tomorrow so I will see how that feels, maybe I will notice that I am tighter tomorrow. She took it all out just to make sure everything was ok. That was a weird feeling. I could feel my stomach not being so tight anymore but I really didnt feel it tighten back up. Very strange. I am sore around the port site. I guess that is normal, it kinda hurt and at one point, I think she said it had come out of the port cause I had to sit up and drink and I think I moved and made it come out a little so she had to have me lay down and push it more in. That was a bit scarry, but I do like the way she does it because I get a chance to drink and make sure it goes down ok. I really have not had a bad fill with her yet. The one time I was too tight, I just called her and she took just a little out, it was easy. So, we will see how I feel tomorrow. I look forward to having restriction again. Wish me luck.
    Stormy
  8. stormy

    I got my first fill

    By stormy,

    I am not sure it helped much but I got my first fill. Hubby and I went to Washington to get it. At first it was tight, but it seems to have leveled out. I think I may need another one. This time I think we will do it closer. We spent $750.00 to get us both done there. It will cost us about $400.00 next time. I think we will use the dr that comes down to Portland. Hopefully the 2nd fill will last a bit longer. I ate a hamburger tonight, I am not sure I should have been able to eat the whole thing, it was a small one but still. I will have to see how much that was. Maybe a cup if it was squished. I think I will have to pay more attention, it is hard when you are on the go. I need to check out better options for myself. I should have got a salad. Hubby seems to be doing ok. He dont say much.
  9. stormy

    I'm on solids now

    By stormy,

    So now I am eating, hubby and I eat pretty much whatever we want. But in way smaller portions. It is kinda nice, it has really saved us so much money and time. My son is a bit confused but he will figure it out. I have had this terrible bug so I haven't been eating much, but I have been drinking alot of water and juice. My son got the bug too. We both need to get back on track. I think he is better today. I am hoping that it is going away, I hate to be sick.
    The first payment for the loan came in, I can really feel the hit, but paying for the band is something that is important. This is what we wanted, I am hoping to refinance it once all the money problems settle down, maybe someone will give me a better loan to pay down the interest rate. I sure hope so, but for now, I'll just keep paying away at it. We did get some of the money back from a medical flex account but I used that to pay bills and pay off some so we could afford the payment, I think it will help. I also put money away for our first fill. So I am going to schedule that soon. I think the weight is still coming off, it is just slow. Hubby and I need to set down a diet plan to make sure we never get back where we were. I sure dont want to go backwards ever. I think he really has liked the progress so far. All and all it has been a good experience, well except getting chicken caught one time, that was not fun. We will just keep plugging along and hopefully the weight will come off.
  10. stormy

    12 days until solids

    By stormy,

    So far we are doing well, I think anyhow. I nibbled on a piece of chocolate. It melted in my mouth. Not sure that counted. I sucked on a carrot but did not eat it. Just wanted to dressing off of it. It has been milkshakes, gartorade, slimfast, soup and liquid vitamins. I am not sure that is enough. I need to find more protein for my diet. Hubby too said that he feels tired but he states that his back doesnt hurt anymore and when I thought about it, either does mine. That is pretty good. My stomach by the port is still sore but that is getting better. There is no pain other than that. I think we are doing pretty good. We are checking on our options for our first fill but we have plenty of time. I need to work on sitting up straight, I think that is going to affect the band, that may be what is causing me some pain in my stomach. Not sure. But I will talk to the dr about that when we get our fill. I think I will call Dr Miranda to get more ideas on what to eat for protein, because I know we are not getting enough. I sent away for the medical reembursement on hubbys flex account, I sure hope they dont deny it. That is going to pay for our fills. I will find out in about two weeks, right around the time we start eating. Maybe I will use that to take us to dinner. Somewhere that hardly gives you any food, or better yet we will buy one meal for all three of us. My son would like that, he loves to share. He keeps trying to feed us. He doesnt understand. We just keep telling him, we can't right now, maybe later.
  11. stormy

    I made it

    By stormy,

    Well we are back and the real work begins. I guess the only problem I am having so far is taking my medication. I crushed them up but when I tried to take it, I threw up, it is horrible. I dont know what I am going to do about that, I have to take my medication, it is so important. Today, I am going to try to take it whole, one pill at a time and see what happens. There has got to be a way. Otherwise, I think I am ok. I little hungry. But I like to have juice. I will go buy more today. I just have to make sure to take my fiber, I have not gone in two days, I am concerned. The trip was wonderful and it is great to be home with my son again. He missed me, I can tell. We missed him bad too. All and all it was a good experience.
  12. stormy

    13 days left

    By stormy,

    Well time is getting close. 13 days and we will be leaving to go down to OCC. I am very nervous about leaving my child. I worry about him. I am trying to get things in order at home, it is very stressful. I am not sure how much weight I have lost, if anything at all. This next week will be the breaking point. I wont be able to eat much of anything. I feel very tired most of the time. I dont feel like I am getting enough water. I have to work on that. I look forward to getting this done so I can move on from here. My husband is getting nervous, but he is looking forward to this being over with too. Guess we will see what happens.
  13. stormy
    He saw me, just a glance. He joked with me, He said dirty little things. I hear what he's saying. But right now I dont feel real good about myself. These extra pounds have affected my self esteem. Little pains that my body tells me daily, make it hard to jump out of this seat and tell him who I really am. I miss the old me. The one who ran up and down these halls. The one who played music for him and danced in front of him and showed him my passionate side. How truely lonely I get inside. How horrible to feel this way. It is not me. I am this frisky lady, who loves to have a good time. He would buy me the first drink and I will laugh my ass off as he told me his first little dirty joke. He played me like a fiddle. I can be strong for him, but inside, I want this weight gone and I want to be running down the street screaming, I am alive! I pray they dont stop this surgery from happening. There is no words to explain how badly, I need this to happen. How badly, he and I need to again be that little couple in the back of the room making out. This is our chance to start over. He can walk this way with me, start over. This has to happen. It is the only way. :lb12:
  14. stormy
    I know all women go through this but for me it is horrible. I get into a mode where I am confused about everything. Am I making the right choices? Where is my life going? Am I doing the right things? Am I going to get into trouble somewhere? It is horrible. I am even doubting the surgery. Maybe it is fear. I know I am going to do it, I know this is temp, it is only a week or 10 days out of the month that I am crazy. But I feel so uncomfortable. Today at work was terrible. We had a shooting in the parking lot, so the building went into lock down. I was afraid. As the police drove their ATV's around the building looking for the guy, I couldnt help but call my husband and tell him how scarred I was. Thank god they got him. But I dont usually react this way. I am so bloated and so scarred. What the heck is going on? I think it is anxiety. It will pass. I worry they are going to cancel the loan. I want this, I need this. My husband needs this, yet I can tell he is afraid too. Thank goodness for the forum. I dont know what I would do. I am scarred about not being able to eat. But I have fatty liver, I have to change my life. I know I can do this. I know he can do this. I know we can do it together.
  15. stormy
    I put on a new background but I dont know if it worked. Have to wait to see if it is accepted. It was a butterfly. I liked it. Well the count down has started about 7 weeks and we should be on a plane. Hubby asked me today if this is a for sure thing. Is anything ever for sure? I told him, we have put alot of money on this, it better be. I think he is scarred. I am too but, I am more scarred of dieing because I have fatty liver. I almost look forward to the pre-op diet, just to see how much I can lose. I am nervous. This whole thing is very scarry. So far everyone has been supportive except my family. Too bad they dont understand how important this is to me, or maybe they do and they dont care. It's ok no matter what they say, I know this is the right decision for me and my husband. We have to change our lives. I hope that we get to meet other people who are doing this on the same day as us, that may make it easier. I look forward to Sept 19th, a new beginning.
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