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babymk

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Blog Entries posted by babymk

  2. babymk

    thxgiving eve!

    By babymk,

    going to my first thxgiving eve dinner...i am hungry but i know to watch myself. worked too hard need to work harder if i want to be goal weight by summer.
    i totally forgot but when i was in the mall the other day a model agent came up to me and wanted me to model for them she exchanged info with me. i only remembered because they called me. i don't think i want to do it. i don't know why probably because i don't feel confident enough for that type of exposure.
    just wanted to say that I appreciate getting older and "wiser." Wiser means you slowly stop doing stupid sh** you know everyone will talk behind your back about. Half joking about that; wiser means growing from your mistakes by being patient & forgiving, guess it sets you up to be a good mommy/daddy. Or a good person in general. with that said & it being thxgiving eve, I'm thankful for getting older&wiser +my family&friends who got me here xo
  3. babymk

    social!

    By babymk,

    whoa i have been sooo busy! so many friends so little time! i've just been on the go from this party to the next it's crazy! i didn't realize i had so many friends! anyway i think it has finally come down. christmas was super fun spent the morning with the boys;jake and mario.

    then at night went out to a Vietnamese restaraunt with family and family friends.

    new years eve was a blast! spent it with gio at a friend's party so much fun!

    new years day was awesome as well spent it with gio and we went shopping. also spent it with jeri later in the day when gio went to work. her sister got married so that was good fun! i refused to catch the bouquet lol.

    hung out with peter and lots of other friends downtown the following day

    and now i'm just hanging out with mario trying on clothes lol
    (pic in bio profile since this thing won't let me post more than 5 pictures per entry..lame...)
    i have lots more pictures plus other days spent with other friends, but i really don't feel like making several blog entries so this is a highlight one. anyway i'm currently in the process of learning italian and trying to figure out how to lose the last 50lbs of my weight lol ttyl byee!
    p.s. jeri's bday is tomorrow! she'll be snowboarding in colorado. i should have gone with her! but i rather be in 80 degree weather not freezing snow weather eesh..eh next time!
    <3 Mal.
  5. babymk

    sushi

    By babymk,

    been up since 9am! i think i'm starting to have a normal schedule again lol. some pics from today

    Luis and I

    Kilani, Claudia, Me, and Luis

    My favorite cutie pie!
    me and gio are good again. he's acting like a friend. he's coming to disneyland with me new york was cancelled because dian's grandparents came down to vegas instead. me and gio always have fun when we're out doing something active together. that's why i like him because he's always up for anything, he's never scared. anyway i must take a nap. i've been xmas shopping all week! i'm dying! my mom wants me to do her xmas shopping too! ahhh! been soooo busy! but never been happier!
  6. babymk
    i'm going to disneyland for my birthday!!!!!!!! yayayayayayayayayayayayay :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    so i've become obsessed with cooking. all i do is think of recipes then research ways to make them healthier. then i sit there and calculate calories, protein, carbs, etc. i prefer to bake. so i make lots of casseroles. the other day i made green bean casserole. yesterday i made beef and macaroni casserole. today i might make a tuna casserole of some sorts. jeri just texted me and told me she just ate a tuna melt so that gave me an idea to make tuna casserole. so probably all day today i will be obsessing about tuna.
    i've been watching the biggest loser season 8, the latest one. by the way tracey is awful, she's so messed up. if i was on that show and she did something to me i probably would have tackled her while screaming insults. j/k most likely not, i probably would've just cried. yeah i'm a big baby oh well. anyway its crazy how hard they make them workout. jillian and bob mean business! if they were in my face like that i would definitely be crying every episode. probably everytime you saw me on camera haha! but anyway the show motivates me to keep on exercising. plus it gives me good tips on weight loss.
    i talked to gio today. he texted me and i decided to respond back. i havent said anything to him in like 5 days. yeah i was ignoring him but i just didn't want to hear his mouth. i'm contemplating whether or not to buy him christmas gifts. he surely does not deserve anything from me. he's going to ny w/diana again between dec 20-27. yeah i know right have fun with that.
    i want to be in miami. 80F degree weather all week with the sun. the glorious sun in the sky! warm breezes and clear blues skies! ugh vegas barely hitting 50F degree days and always below 40F degree nights. and rain! i tried to wash my windows and the water froze onto the window...i hate the cold. plus i think i miss eddie too.
  7. babymk

    mall

    By babymk,

    today i went to the mall and i passed the foodcourt. i saw hotdog on a stick and the big picture of a cheese on a stick..i wanted one so bad. today was really really cold and all i wanted to do was indulge in any and all types of comfort food especially anything fried and cheesy! then there was the cinnabon station and omygoodness i was DYING. i walked away. i decided this week that i was going to get back on track with my weight loss so i figured no more giving into my indulgences or hasty hunger picks. i spent all this money on healthy groceries just the other day so i was like i have food at home so i'm just going to walk away now. and i did! wow it was so hard to actually tell myself no and just walk away. i've become so used to just getting what i want and instant gratification that i forgot duh I had to work at losing 150lbs. I didn't just get there by saying yes to cheese on a stick everyday right?! but this last 50lbs is killing me! it's like everybody is like oh you look so good already and i'm like oh i look fine i guess maybe i can slack off a little but that is where i went wrong! no i cannot slack off! i have to make it to my goal not someone's else. and i can't be so hard on myself either. because the last lbs are usually the hardest to get rid of because your body is used to your "tricks". anyway here's to losing weight during the holidays! and i'm going to avoid the food court from now on
  8. babymk

    you should've said no

    By babymk,

    This is me and Luis doing our first acoustic collaboration! it's really really early and we just got back from clubbing. so we have a couple of drinks in our system and we're really tired. my voice is cracking and going off tune but whatev. i like it. we'll do better in the future i promise well gnite!
    <3 Mal
    http://www.youtube.com/user/princessmkx#p/u/0/Tor1LTgJ73k
  9. babymk
    i can't believe it! i'm going to be 24 in 19 days! blahhhh so i've been at the same weight for several months. at least i'm not gaining but i figure that hershey's chocolate creme pie isn't doing me any good either...
    my hand is good. healing nicely the doctor says.
    so i'm dating that sf guy now, but i told him i didn't want a relationship like boyfriend/girlfriend. he was really upset about it, but eh what can i do..he lives in sf i live in vegas. well speaking of that i'm moving to sf with jeri! we're hoping it can be for the new year but that's coming up real fast. (but that doesn't mean i'm going to be his girlfriend when i move there tho)
    gio is really upset with me for even thinking about moving. but i told him i need to move on with my life. so he's been distancing himself from me. we got into really really huge fights the past couple of weeks. i know our relationship is crazy and i always talk about how much he hurts me, but i do love him. i love him with all my heart but our relationship is not healthy. definitely not healthy..
    he got arrested in miami for "obstruction of justice"..i guess that attitude and mouth of his got him in big trouble. he spent the whole day in jail while i was hanging with this other guy i was dating in miami. oh yeah i was dating this guy in miami but i pretty much broke it off because he wanted to be exclusive and i told him no. i know you're probably thinking what's wrong with you girl can you not commit?? well no i can't. not right now anyway..i'm only 23 they are older than me well they're both 28 i mean not too much older but guys at that age are looking for something more serious and i'm sorry but i cannot give them what they are looking for. but it's hardly called hanging out when the whole day you're trying to get your friend out of jail then driving all the way to north miami to find the bailsbondman to pay 400 dollars to..but gio was fine and he was just happy to get out of jail. the next day we sunbathed on the beach. then when we got home we got into a fight and i ran away to sf. then that's when i realized i needed to move to sf because that's where i was happy, free, and could finally live my life as an independent adult..i guess...
    anyway i'm learning how to play the guitar. my friend Luis and I are going to post some youtube videos of us collaborating haha. oh yeah i can sing. so i wanted to learn how to play the guitar so i can make some acoustic songs of my own. i'll probably post the link here so you can see. ok going to watch movies now bye!
    <3 Mal (:
    edit: i've been looking at everyone's progress and i feel like i'm falling behind. so i'm going to get moving again. hopefully my next pic update will include 50lbs gone.
  10. babymk

    can you fast forward

    By babymk,

    -i broke my hand. it's going to take 6 weeks to heal. i feel off a scooter, vespa, to be correct. gio was trying to teach me how to drive it while we were in miami. i got scared, stopped accelerrating in the middle of a turn and splat..i guess i landed on my hand in just that angle to cause a fracture.
    -other than that miami was so relaxing of course when i wasn't fighting with giovanni the clearest waters and whitest sands and the warmest weather ever! oh yes we're going back on the 11th for another week.
    -i'm thinking of heading to hawaii for my birthday this yr. alone. i'm kinda serious, but i'm sure when people find out they're gonna be like wah wahh i wanna go so i guess sure why not
    -as of right now i'm in sf hanging with jeri and her 5 roommates! i love it! i'm not even joking. it's so much fun living with a bajillion girls. it's like a 24/7 sleep over yay! i've been here for over a week and have to leave thrus and i don't want to but i guess i have to do laundry and repack for miami
    -oh yea i kinda quit my job of 3 1/2 yrs because i was pretty much over it. and it was the best thing i have ever done for myself! it was kinda sad because my boss really loves me and he was about to cry. i was like ron its ok its a beginning not and ending. he was like yeah i know i don't know why you even stayed here for so long and i was like right me too! hahaaa
    -halloween was sooooo much fun! mario and jake came to sf and we partied all night it was awesome! jake and i have been sorta on the outs but when we all hung out again it was like nothing changed..yay!
    -i really love indian food. naan is the best!
    -i have a date this wednesday with an sf guy..how weird..i never get dates. guys never ask me out..but lately i can't stop getting asked out or stopped in the streets by some guy asking for my number
    -well anyways pics to come! check out my album to see them k bye!
    love,
    Mal <333
  11. babymk

    Wedding pix

    By babymk,

    http://chelseanicoleblog.com/category/weddings/
    it's under Joanna and JR's wedding. From left to right of the bridal party: My sister, ME, Mili, Joanna aka the bride, Dalon, Jenny, and Tutu. I don't know why me and my sister are always doing our own thing with wayyy too much attitude to boot! p.s. this is only a preview, the photographer hasn't released all photos yet. p.p.s i uploaded the photos to my album as well!
    -me and gio are going to Miami for Gio's 21st bday!
    -i think he's going to win the bet...
    -maybe i can just starve myself..blah.
  12. babymk

    cheese

    By babymk,

    i've been eating nonstop. ehh bisquits and cheese. sourcream and chips. yeah that has basically been my diet for the last 4 days...oh yeah and chinese food...i feel disgusting. its funny because everybody keeps on commenting how good i look and how i'm still losing weight and i'm like REALLY?! i've been eating EVERYTHING and people are just like you look good. i took pictures with my sister yesterday and i was surprised to see myself in the picture because i do look good! hahahaa i mean you know i wasn't like ugh i'm fat and ew, i was just like oh those are cute..mom's birthday was yesterday so we went to dinner, chinese, then bowling.


    i have to be up like at 630 in the morning. ugh it's almost 1 i need to be in bed now. this past weekend i've only got like 4 hours of sleep each night. too much partying..well i'm off for the next three days so i'm sleeping in except for tomorrow unfortunately. i wasn't late to work though i just got up lacking sleep and all.
    i've been having a lot of drama lately with "friends". some with the bffs and some with friends of the bffs but whatever i haven't really thought much about it and definitely have not lost any sleep over it. i'm just so over people and their crappy attitude. i'm tired of trying to appease everybody and make nice. it's just not worth it anymore.
    anyway i'm going to sleep now. gnite
  13. babymk

    slowing down

    By babymk,

    -the p90x is amazing but i've been having difficulty finding that time to get in my workout. gotta make time...
    -i fit into my bridesmaid dress. the zipper is just one of those zippers that are difficult to go up without someone else helping you.
    -it's 5in the morning i have things to do today...going to sleep now. bad insomnia...ugh
  14. babymk

    bring it

    By babymk,

    -Lost 4lbs
    -i can't believe i only have 50ish more lbs to lose before i'm normal.
    -i love how people ask me oh how much more weight do you want to lose and I'll say 50 and they just go OH NO you want to be a toothpick or something?! and i just laugh then they tell me just 25 that's it. obviously they don't know how much i weigh. most people think i weigh 150, max probably 170. i just tell them i need to weigh what's healthy for my height, which is honestly the truth.
    -i still can't fit into my bridesmaid dress. i have one month and i'm a bit worried. it just won't zip in the chest area! and i'm really small on top! it's making me nervous...
    -got the p90x. starting today, actually right now after i get done typing this
    -i decided to do the intense fitness workout because i really don't want anymore surgery. I really don't think I should have too much of a problem with excess skin as long as I can really tighten it up. I mean I did a week of nothing but squats and my thighs tightened up real quick, but then of course i stopped and they got all jiggly again. So maybe if i just exercise everything will tighten up on its own and i won't have to get surgery. especially with this p90x
    -wish me luck
  15. babymk
    -i haven't lost any weight since last month. really really annoying but at the same time it's not like i was eating the best foods either. at least i'm maintaining and clothes look real good on me. but i do not wish to remain 188lbs forever so i'm kick starting it up again
    -i ordered the p90x for me and mom. its an early birthday present for her and we're going to do it together. i know you're wondering you ordered from an infomercial?! well technically yes but actually my boss had recommended it to me. he's been on it for a month now and the other day he walked in wearing a small gray tshirt and he looked GREAT! and i literally stopped and stared. i was like wow mark you are getting ripped! and he was like p90x...so i was like i'm sold! anyway that arrives thursday from canada. i love canada and canadians. i'm seriously impressed they can switch from english to french without hesitation..very impressive.
    - i've been going to the gym for the past two days. i was on the stair master yesterday and i literally was cursing up a storm. that is the toughest hardest thing in the whole entire world! i was sweating and my thighs were burning. i wanted to jump off of it because i felt like i couldn't take it anymore. i was panting and whispering the same swear word over and over again and i'm sure some people heard me because as they passed me they were staring at me sooooo yeahh...anyway i was like what this is really hard ok! beads of sweat ran down my face and i kept telling myself just 15 more minutes just 10 more just 5 more..i put it on that fat burn workout so it gave me different resistance and omg it was seriously torture! but i did it! tonight i'm getting on that bad boy again and hopefully i'll keep the swear word to myself.
    -Gio has been in NewYorkCity with Diana since Wednesday. that's why i've been able to do whatever i've want for the past few days ;] he doesn't come back till wednesday next week. he's currently fighting with Diana because he told me she's stingy and stupid...ohwow...i told him to be nice and enjoy his time there. i mean it's so pointless fighting and not having a good time somewhere you've never been before just because of something really silly. Gio wants to go to 5th avenue but diana wants to go to the museum. and of course diana wins because they are there with her family so gio really has no say...i know gio is soooo unbelievably pissed because he has control issues and likes things his way or no way. you get the point, but that's gio for you. i'm sure they'll work it out but he made her cry because she recently broke up with her boyfriend well he broke up with her which is even worse because he's sooo hottt..umm sorry but he is anyway he told her wasn't happy anymore...i don't know i mean who talks like that "i'm not happy anymore" . i would be like look you piss me off ok and have a list of cons to tell that person as evidence for me breaking up with them. so it's not like you can be surprised that someone is breaking up with you. if someone gave me a list of bad qualities i would be like wow i do suck..you can't just leave someone with "i'm not happy anymore". you better give me proof! well anyway gio tells her " you're just acting this way because you have no boyfriend and have pimples all over your face".... i was just like gio how could you?...then she started crying..gio is so insensitive and brutal with his words. i would know he's made me cry plenty but now i ignore him and tell him to shove it but anyway i told him i love him and to be happy. that's all gio needs to hear. he's really simple like that. he has a temper like no other but after he's done, he can't stay mad at you and all he wants is to know you love him. and of course give him what he wants hahaaa but he'll do anything for you and anything you say if you say please and thank you. he really is that simple.
    -Jeri is in NYC too. hahaaa she just got there today and said she took a bus around the corner and it took her an hour just to get around the corner hahahaaa. she's going to be in vegas tuesday the day before gio gets back. we're going to see harry potter that night! eeeep! so excited for this! i've been all about harry potter since i was 15! and now it's kinda almost ending...how sad but it needs to end i can't be 30 and still into harry potter can i???! sure i can!
    -so i've been buying these form fitting tight dresses from american apparel and they look soooo good on me. i'm even impressed hahaaaa but just even 20 more lbs the dresses would probably look even better. so i'm thinking i probably don't need to lose too much more weight but we'll see
  16. babymk

    little secrets

    By babymk,

    why do i have 2 blogs? and how do you change the dates on some of these blogs they are out of order..anyway it took all my strength to not weigh myself this morning. I just want to see if I lost some more weight because i'm feeling EXCELLENT! but i know i need to just wait it out till sunday at my normal weigh in time and then i will feel even better about my success! i just hate not knowing and waiting and waiting and waiting
    hahaha i re-read some of my old blogs and couldn't believe the journey i've been on. the things that people said to me to try to ruin my success and the things i've done to ruin my own success. it really is like a vicious cycle i've been looking at old photos of myself and i'm just shocked like shocked..terrible..i never want to go back there ever! makes me even more determined then before.
    think gio is using his little sister's phone to talk to me pretending it's his sister when its really him. yeah up to his old tricks again, too bad i fall for it each time..eh..
  17. babymk

    detaching

    By babymk,

    i saw a picture of myself that mario's mom took last year around this time...i was HUGE. and mario was like omg look at how much weight you lost! and i was like omg!!! then mario's mom was like don't delete those! and i was like i won't i like to see old pictures of me being super fat because it just reminds me where i never want to ever be again.
    everything is good. i feel good. i feel like i can be whole again. i don't need to depend on anyone but myself. i did this all by myself. i don't need anyones help. its nice that they lend a helping hand and i thank them but in the end it all comes down to me. and i thank myself! yayayaya
  18. babymk

    just faking it

    By babymk,

    -gio didn't talk to me yesterday and we're not even fighting. but he found new friends and is doing his own thing which is good for him.
    -jeri pissed me off because she told "that i need to get my own life"..she said what was going on in my life other then me losing weight and i was like i guess nothing else and she was like yeah..so that made me really mad so now i'm not really responding back to her. then she sent me some lame thing about fate and free will..i didn't want to talk to her about it so i'm pretty much like take your philosophical convo and shove it.
    -i tried to talk to mario the other day.i called him but he didn't call me back so i finally texted him and he texted me back once even though i was trying to make conversation with him...he tells me he doesn't hate me but its obvious he does.
    -so i'm sitting here alone on my day off just faking it...pretending that i'm fine and i'm ok and i'm happy and free spirited like nothing can get me down.
    i guess if i really think i am then i will be..i mean i was just perfectly fine without them in my life so why has my life revolved around them to make me happy and complete? i really need to snap out of it! i need to be happy with myself and find other things to do then wait around for my friends to talk to me! jeezzzzz i'm such a loser sometimes! ok no more being a loser..no more being pathetic obsessive bitter jealous delusional. its all me it's all about being happy its all about being the free spirited happy optimistic lovely me!!!!!!! ok i'm done feeling sorry for myself i'm going to go eat now
  19. babymk
    so i decided that everybody needs to go. yep. i'm so tired of caring and bending over backwards for people that are completely unappreciative. instead i get called names like "obsessive", "pathetic", "delusional"..i get told i need to get my own life instead of worrying about somebody elses..which is soooooo HILARIOUS since i am the last person to give a DAMN because i am so oblivious because all i ever do is worry about myself! yes i am that selfish! but when it comes to my bestfriends i will stop thinking about myself for once and help them, but instead of getting oh you're so sweet you really don't need to do that, i get told to get out of their life...AMAZING. well...if that's what they want..they all shall receive. oh yes they will receive.
    i am done with jake. he is a complete and utter mess and i want nothing to do with him. all i ever do is try and try with him and he just keeps pushing me away so now i'm gone. the other three i will keep my distance from. a very far distance. its funny because i tie them altogether and now they want to gang up on me and make me look like the bad guy. whatever. without me they will all soon come undone. and they know this. and i know this. it's just a matter of time.
    yesss i'm out of the 90's! how exciting! i have two and half months before my cousins wedding to fit into that size ten dress. the chest area is snug but i know soon i will get it loose. i think 20lbs should be just right to get the perfect fit into that dress
    i'm eating healthy and i'm feeling good well other than those "friends" of mine DRAMA.. but whatever they will not bring me down! me and mom have been hiking in the mountains and walking in the trails! i love my mom she's my bestfriend
  20. babymk

    changesss

    By babymk,

    changed my goal weight to 130. i've decided that when i reach 150 that's my health goal weight and i'll do a victory FINALLY dance! but for pure vanity sakes 130 is my goal weight. and that will be my victory FINALLY dance all week long woooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!i'm still stuck in the 90's...ugh but i know once i stop eating the carby foods that will diminish.
  21. babymk

    best interest..

    By babymk,

    so me and mom went to breakfast together for mother's day! i got her some clothes and i made her a card. yep, MADE! it took me all day to make too. I'll scan it soon so I can show it. I drew it and everything. it's really nice i impressed myself..anyway mom really wants to go to Hawaii. I was like ooooOO let's go then! she goes yes we will when you get to your goal weight that's your incentive. i was like haha how weird with the incentives lately...
    i love it because i just keep on losing weight and it's just super amazing! so gio made a bet with me, a sucker bet obviously..he said that he doesn't believe i can be 160lbs by the end of the year...HAHAHAAAAAAA are you kidding me?! i could lose 30 lbs in two months if i really tried and he's going to give me 7 months to do it! hahaha and i thought he was smart...we bet 150 dollars and the loser will pay up. so that's my incentive from gio..money! oh yeah and also proving him DEAD WRONG.
    anyway gio and i made up well sorta..we're being really distant and indifferent towards each other . It's bothering me a little bit, but it's getting to that point that I'm just really like whatever dude do what you want. like i'm tired of it. it's the same old same old with him and i'm really like ugh just go away then if you dislike me so much. like i don't even know why we're friends because he doesn't even like me. like he's so nice and sweet to diana and he treats me like a dog. and i'm so tired of feeling like second best. i mean all i wanted from the beginning was him and i have him but not the way it should be. like why can't he just be nice to me and not go on his mean streak with his cruel words and discerning looks. he makes me feel so low when i'm around him, like i'm not good enough or that i'm doing something wrong like all the time. and it's so ironic because i know i'm good enough and i know i don't do anything wrong. it's all him. i don't want to sound like i'm all that or what not but i have lots of friends, i mean people always want to be my friend. and he knows that! every person he introduces me to instantly likes me more than they like him! and i end up being their friend way after he's done with them. i don't know if that drives him crazy or if he likes it. i think its both. like you admire it but you're also jealous of it. it's also funny because he's always like trying to toot his own horn like he's like i'm so perfect i never lose at anything blah blah blah and i'm like gio please shut up like you're so lame if you have to toot your own horn...it's pathetic. people that know they are all that do not speak of it, they're always humble and grateful. they don't need to go out of their way to be like i'm better than you. i think he needs to grow up and get real.
    so last night we all go out like usual but i guess diana is out of school now so she can come out which is cool i mean i like her but i just don't like the way gio treats me when she's around. i'm invisible and once again second best or rather not even best...because i'm invisible remember. so we took separate cars and everything. like i said we're being really distant and indifferent towards each other. so anyway i decided to just be like well i'm not going to be hanging out with him then and treat him exactly how he makes me feel. so i hung out with everybody else but him last night. he tried to make me jealous by being super super touchy sweet nicey nicey to diana and i was like HAHAHAAAA stupid idiot! like it mattered anyway because i was having the time of my life dancing with every other guy friend of mine! i was laughing up a storm with mario MY BFFE! sooooo guess what he does today..he texts mario and goes "omg did you see how jealous she was last night and acting all pouty" then mario was like "um no i didn't notice, she was surrounded all night by guys so i think she was preoccupied"...HAHAHAAAA then mario said that gio was just like "ohh.." and tried to laugh it off like whatever. HAHAHAAAA seriously what an idiot! like who does that?! how was i soooo jealous and pouty when the whole night all i did was dance and laugh with my friends???! i mean is he not only delusional but blind as well?! he's just trying to make himself feel better. sooo lame...
    anyway i really don't care anymore. i'm really good to giovanni, like really good to him. i'll help him clean his room all day. i'll help him run errands, return merchandise for him, get him food when he's hungry, i'll iron his jeans for him and lint roll them on top of that! i take care of him when he's sick or feeling bad. I'm always sweet and very understanding to him. i'm never unpleasant to be around unless of course he upsets me but even that i just remain silent but i'm not rude. i'm always there for him, no matter what. but he doesn't appreciate me so if he wants to go then by all means please go. it would probably be in my best interest for him to leave. anyway i just need me. i'm losing weight and im sooo close to my goal weight it's just so amazing! like i should be so happy and only caring about myself, not worrying about who likes me or who doesn't. i mean in the end it doesn't matter, the only thing is what makes you happy. if it doesn't make you happy then it needs to go! so here's to me and ridding myself of negativity! yayaya!
  22. babymk

    changes

    By babymk,

    -still at the same weight. whatever..people have been telling me i look so good and that i'm "dynamite". hahaaa
    -i got dress coded at work. apparently my skirts are too short...hahahaaaaaaaaa
    -i dyed my hair darker because i'm starting to tan and i figure darker hair looks better with golden skin. it's a cool brown instead of orange
    -i was in la last week and we went to santa monica beach. i took my shirt off and laid out with a bikini top on. wow first time ever in my life was i able to show my body in public like that and not be embarassed.
    -mario is friends with jake again, but now gio is obsessed with being bestfriends with mario and jake is jealous so he's trying to be bestfriends with gio. hahaaaa anyways...
    -i figure if it has nothing to do with me i really don't care or want to hear it.
    -yeah i'm pretty selfish.
    -me and jeri are now obsessed with the gym and looking "good". we text constantly about how we're at the gym working out. it's so amusing. we also talk about eating healthy. jeri is a vegetarian for like two years now and she decided to become vegan to lose 30lbs. because she's 160 right now. i was like whoa jeri we're only like 35lbs difference now and she was like wow. before i was always 100lbs heavier than her. it feels so good to be almost equal amongst your peers and not be some abnormal freak.
    -did i ever mention i got two tickets in barstow for going 100+?? well let me tell you something..barstow police/court system does not mess around. i was found guilty on both charges (2k down the drain), got my licensed revoked for 30 days, and was forced to look at the death book. it's ok, I deserve it and i'm grateful that i wasn't one of the pictures in the death book.
    -today is my day off and i'm really happy. i'm happy because i'm alive, healthy, getting fit, good friends and family. i'm just really loving life right now
  23. babymk

    feeling good

    By babymk,

    I decided it's better to not care and to be selfish. Life is better when you "live and let go". Seventeen more pounds to go before I'm out of the "obese" zone. I've never felt better.
  24. babymk

    artificial

    By babymk,

    so for a minute i had thing for crystal light, but of course i'm not anymore because i read the ingredients. it contains aspartame which contains methanol which is an ingredient found in embalming fluid. but wow did it taste delicious. so i'm on the hunt for something to flavor my water minus the embalming fluid...ha. i found this thing called "zenergize" it's basically a supplement tablet. i got raspberry green tea flavor. it just gives the right amount of kick to my water.
    so my coworkers and friends are like so amazed by my weight loss. my one friend was like how much have you lost and i said 131lbs. he was like you're doing good. you look like a completely different person. he said i didn't look the same anymore and i was wondering what he meant. then i said was i really that obese before?? then he was like you want me to be real? and i said well yeah...then he was like yes you were. and i was like oh ok...i mean it doesn't really matter now but it's kind of annoying to think that's how people saw you. i mean of course they see you physically but i mean i'm more than just that. and the thing is people that knew me didn't see me just as the "fat girl". but to others that don't know me i guess i was just that fat girl...well technically i still am...i mean i still have 79lbs to lose and that's not a little. but compared to 100+ that's pretty much nothing right ha. My friend says I'm skinny now and i do not believe that at all. To be 79lbs from the weight you were meant to be is not skinny.
    so i found this weight chart, broken down by frame size, height, and sex.
    5'5" - 117-130 / 127-141 / 137-155
    so i guess i'm about 69-79lbs away from being healthy. which is a great GREAT accomplishment from being 131lbs overweight before. i just got really happy because i can't believe i'm actually doing it. the band was probably the best thing and smartest thing i have ever done in my life. but i hate when people find out. they make me feel like i "cheated". cheated HA! I could have not used my band at all. i could have kept stuffing my face with the wrong foods and not lose any weight or lose minimally. my friend also got the band maybe 4 months after me or so i'm not sure but she wasn't that far behind from me. anyway our weight loss difference has been significant. everybody can physically see my weight loss. it's kind of a dramatic difference but my friend's its sorta like oh you lost some weight but nothing as "dramatic" as mine. i've realized it's because she has not changed her eating habits. everybody constantly asks me how are you losing weight and i'm like fix what you eat. it's all about the foods you put into your body. if you eat junk your body will be exactly that, junk. well ha exception the boys in life. they eat everything disgustingly bad for them and it's like it just flushes out of their system! ANNOYING. especially gio ugh how frustrating! he will sit there and eat fast food before a modeling shoot and he's just like whatever normal. but you really can't eat that forever it will catch up with you in the long run. gio is just really active. he's always running around town doing something so he can eat like that without a hitch.
    speaking of gio..he went to see some psychic card reader lady last night and she told him i was in love with him and that i'm angry because i didn't receive affection in my life from my father. HAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA what a load of crock. i love gio but i am definitely not in love with him. he is a huge disaster and we have nothing in common well other than the fact that we understand and care about each other immensely, like family. my feelings are very strong. i'm dramatic and extremely intense. i wish i wasn't because people mistake it for insanity hahahaaa! but anyway when my feelings come out they're so strong that people misinterpret them for something that it's not. like gio thinking i'm in love with him when that's not the case. i'm into alternative music and lots of underground things. and he's all mainstream and prep. I actually like to read and enjoy intellectual endeavors and he has no patience for books only car magazines. i mean seriously now. he is far too shallow for me and i can't stand him most days. he's always grouchy and/or saying something rude. why would i ever be in love with someone like that? if i ever was, trust me, i'm quickly falling out of love.
    and affection from my father....my father was a mess he had a huge alcoholic problem and loved his alcohol more than his family. my mom being the smartest and most loving mom ever said you know what that's not what i want for my children to grow up with a man who rather drink his life away. Do i feel like i'm missing out? no. am i angry at my mother for taking us away from a man who didn't know what the word father meant? no. i am unbelievably grateful towards her. am i angry that i didn't receive affection from a fatherly figure? ehh maybe but not really. the way life worked out i think it was meant to be and i'm not angry about the past . you can't change the past so why be upset about it in your present which would only mess up your future.
    also that psychic said something about me being angry with my mother as well for not showing enough affection. BAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i'm just not a mushy gushy person. my mom knew that about me as a child and as an adult. my mom is wayyy affectionate but i hate it. i hate the "smothering" because i'm so independent. as a child i hated being "the child". i wanted to be an adult so bad. i hated being treated like i didn't understand when i understood completely. when i was about 12 years old we went to germany to visit my family and my aunt was always like the "kinder" (means children in german) need to be over there. and i was like AHHH i'm not a child!! stop treating me like i can't walk across the street without getting hit by a bus! i can look both ways and move my legs to get across the street thank you very much!
    you know what made me really angry was the implication that because i didn't "receive affection" i was not loved. that i don't feel loved enough and thus far am an angry bitter person and my mother is a bad mother. do you know how much it infuriates me to no end when someone talks or implies vicious lies against my mother. my cousin said something awful about my mother and i still have not fully forgave her. it has been a year. so if gio thinks implying my mother does not love me he will not know what wrath is until he gets a taste of mine. nobody talks bad about my mother. nobody.
    anyway this morning when gio picked me up i was trying to explain everything i had felt and analyzed that night when i was by myself. actually i had gone to the gym and jogged on the treadmill nonstop for 10 minutes then walked 20 but fast pace of course. so i had time to clear my mind and really think about what this psychic was saying about me. anyway i told gio i was not in love with him. and he got a bit angry because he said you admitted to it last night why are you trying to lie now. i said because i'm not. my feelings are being misconstrued. i don't clearly understand them myself so who are you to say that you know how i feel when i don't even know how i feel? so i analyzed the situation and i am clearly not in love with him. at first i was highly infatuated with him but now it's turning into something more steady, stable, and comfortable. the psychic told him that deep down inside i was in love with him. and yes he is in the core of my heart because of all he has done for me. he has made me a better person simply by just being him. i'm in love with that. i'm in love with him for making me finally love myself. i get it now. but i'm not going to tell him that because he wouldn't get it. he just thinks i'm in love with him and want to marry him like some crazed obsessed fanatic ha. i think he likes the idea of me being "in love" with him because when i tried to tell him i was not he was getting so angry. then he would say things like ha i just caught you staring at me you are so in love with me and i was like hahahahaa you're such a loser! anyway i'm over this.
  25. babymk
    oh wow so i'm minding my own business today and just taking a day off to watch movies by myself with my window open and the fresh sunny breeze sweeping through. and guess who is calling me? yes that giovanni once again...so he's just asking me what i'm doing and i'm like chilling then hes like ok bye. anyway he calls me 15 minutes later and is like we're going to eat be ready in 15 minutes then he hangs up on me. great. so now i have to get ready because he's going to be over and this boy doesn't take no for an answer especially from me because he will literally drag me out by my legs kicking and screaming. hahaaa so i get ready and i meet him downstairs. so i knew instantly he was not in a good mood at all. so i tried to stay quiet and calm but he kept snapping at me and being really mean. so i was like gio what is wrong with you you're more on edge now than ever and he kept saying nothing was wrong with him so i kept my mouth shut and when he was mean i just kind of let him say whatever he wanted without arguing back. usually i fight with him till no end and tell him i hate his guts and to leave me alone. anyway so he stops at mcdonalds to eat and he knows i detest fastfood esp. mcdonalds and i know he did it to piss me off because he loves to mess with me. but i didn't care i was like just take me home i don't want to be around you.. then for some reason he was like let's go food shopping for you so we can plan your meals. then i was like um ok...so we're grocery shopping for salads and healthy food. then we come back home and he's preparing all my food for me. putting things in tupperware and stocking up my fridge. saying things like you can have a salad for lunch and strawberries as a snack.. he is sooooo weird...why does he think it necessary to say mean and hurtful things towards me but yet his actions totally go against what he says...i tell him i love him all the time but maybe i don't show it because i don't really call or text him but why should i? i'm kind of one of those girls that are completely indifferent i guess you can kind of say "cold"...i don't mean to be it's just that i don't like to bother people too much. but i should know by now that i don't bother gio, he probably wishes i did call or text him more often or asked him to do things instead of him always calling and asking me to do things. but he's that type of person that if you suggest it he doesn't want to do it. so i don't even bother. but i guess he just likes to hear it at least. eh whatever. i'm just going to let him be. he's with his other friend's boyfriend's birthday party at the venetian casino. i don't think he really wanted to go because he was hanging around me way too long.then i told him i was going to the gym and he was like i want to go to the gym..i was thinking to myself you have a party to attend you should leave now..please leave..ha it's so funny because he says i have jealousy issues and to a point i do but once i realize i have nothing to be jealous of everything just washes away from me. i used to be so jealous of gio always going out and hanging with his friends or that girl best friend of his but i'm looking at his actions and he contradicts himself everytime. he's always around me 24/7 he's always calling me just to talk to hang out. so i know he loves me so much. i mean who prepares your food for you for a week if they didn't care about you tremendously??? who calls you all the time and wants to be around you all the time if they didn't love you??? such a sweet boy....
    well i'm going to the gym now bye!
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