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babymk

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  1. babymk

    idk sorry

    By babymk,

    so i've realized that people are leaving me comments because i get a notification in my email about it. but when i come on to view the comment i never see anything..so i would like to apologize to people that have left me comments and think i'm ignoring or deleting them or something because i'm not. i really can't see them. i don't know if it's because of my settings or what. so i don't know what to do about that but you can always message me
    on another note somebody told me we can't digest corn and that we're basically not supposed to eat it. so now i'm never eating corn again. but i should have figured that, i mean if corn can fuel a car to drive cross country then really right??!
    yesss 1lb lost :D jake made dinner last night yummy peanut butter sauce salmon with veggies and linguine. then we ate kernel popcorn DELICIOUS. i know its corn but it's not in its original kernel form so that should make a difference, i think...
    OMGosh i want to see twilight soooooo bad but i gave my word to gio that i would wait for him to get back from hawaii so we can see it together and he gets back today but i don't know what time and he hasn't texted or called me so idk what's going on. but i'm telling the other boys we have to go see it tonight but then mario is like i might have to do something for my internship and i'm like ahhh we have to all go together because it won't be fun otherwise. i'm going crazy insane thinking about seeing this movie!!! i have never felt this way about a movie ever! i'm soooo RESTLESS ahhhhhhhhhh! i'm gonna go dance!!!
  2. babymk

    embarrassing part2

    By babymk,

    so guess who decides to call me asking to see me???! GIOVANNI mmhmmmm that's what i thought! so you know how i was really upset/annoyed/angry at his decision to blow me off when i wanted to hangout that thursday and i made him well aware of it. i was like oh you decide you want to hang out with me now after you're done with your more important friends huh?!!! RUDE! then he was like well fine if you don't want to hang out then i can just not see you till i come back in 9 days and i was like urghhh. so basically he won that fight. so we hung out last night and everytime we're together we get into the worst trouble. but that's why i like him so much, he's never boring. i mean NEVER EVER EVER EVER boring ok the thing with me is that i never talk about my weight to people who could never understand how it feels to have a weight problem their whole entire lives. i just feel it's none of their business because they wouldn't know the first place to empathize so i just rather not discuss something super personal because it's been my life struggle. but somehow gio got me to tell him everything. my insecurities, my hopes for the future, the "turmoil" that's going on inside my head and heart...i don't ever talk about these things. the only people i talk openly like that are with jeri and mario. and my relationships with them are based on years and years of building up trust and love. i've known mario for 13/14 years and i've known jeri for 8/9 years. i've known gio since august! but he's gotten so close to me and i feel like "who are you???" "why are you here" and "what do you want from me??!" i asked him last night why he was doing this to me and why he wanted to know these crazy feelings i had and he said that he's only like this to people he cared about...i was speechless...i was so embarrassed yet highly intrigued by his honesty and lack of personal boundaries. you know when someone doesn't want to talk about something you usually back off right? well not gio. but i guess it's because i do want to talk about these things but its so hard for the words to come out of my mouth. he kept getting impatient with me because i would take forever to answer a question. he may think its simple but "simple" to me is the most difficult. but you know what i'm really glad he did. i'm really happy that he decided to spend his last hours in vegas with me before he had to get on a plane to hawaii. i guess he does care or he just likes to mess with people's heads. either way it's amusing
  3. babymk

    embarrassing

    By babymk,

    i posted an old pic of me 2 months before i got the surgery done which was basically at my highest weight ever. it's severely embarrassing and i can't stand to look at it too long because i didn't realize i was so big. ugh. the other day mario was looking at an old pic of us together (which reminds me i should post that as well) and he said you don't even look the same. he said he had to do a double take because he didn't believe that was me before and that was only last year. mario never really comments about my weight. he knew i was losing weight but he never realized how much i had actually lost up until now. i guess thats a good thing...
    it kind of hit me today that ugh i still have 100lbs to lose...at first i was like yayaa only 100 more lbs to lose and then it was like uhhh WHAT 100 MORELBS to lose still!!!!!!!!!!! i mean what?!!! AHHHHHHHH!! so yes i am completely frustrated and annoyed. On top of that giovanni is going to hawaii tomorrow and he can't hang out with me before he leaves because he's "booked". WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!!!! obviously he hates me :lb12: he was like we'll hang out when i get back and i was like ok but i was so upset the rest of the day because of it. i'm still upset. i mean he's probably hanging with that girl bestfriend of his which is driving me crazy insane with jealousy and hate! i hate her i hate her i hate her!!!! i'm just never going to talk to him again! that's it! he's off my friends list and permanently on acquaintance list! no permanently on I HATE YOU list!!! how dare he put me on some second rate list. urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am so mad :angry: :angry: i bend over backwards for that boy! mario and jake only put up with him because i like him so much but i know they could care less for him. i am insulted! i mean yeah sure we hung out every other day last week but this is a new week and he basically disappeared on me! this has been the longest week ever. i'm glad it's friday but that doesn't mean anything because he's going to be gone for 9 days sitting on a beach tanning while i'm stuck in cold vegas seething away at him for blowing me off. i haven't seen mario in 4 days which is ridiculous because the longest we go without seeing each other is 2 days top. i miss jeri sooo much i want to go to san francisco so bad just to hang out with her because i haven't seen her for like 4 months and its really getting to me. and my sister disappeared on me too. plus i have to study for this stupid test and i can't seem to get anything right.
    today i was craving hot cheetos with chili cheese you know the stuff you get at gas stations...and i was thisclose to actually buying it! but i didn't so i guess that's an accomplishment. i guess i must be an emotional eater or something. but i've been working hard to re-program myself and it's working. instead of eating my frustration away, i just sorta "work it out"...sometimes i'll just start dancing or walking really fast or i'll just write like i'm doing now.
    i am really upset with giovanni but i don't think writing him off is going to solve anything. i mean he's really fun and cool. i really really like him, but i'm just so mad. well maybe i'll calm down in 9 days but then he said he's going to san diego for thanksgiving weekend with his friends after he gets back from hawaii. HOW ANNOYING! omg i just got really angry right now after writing that... :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: WHATEVER i am so OVER this. DONE.
  4. babymk

    we'll have the summer!

    By babymk,

    happppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hit my 100lb marker actually surpassed it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYY and now 100 more to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well 103, i decided on my "ideal" weight that i am aiming for and i will get to by next year for sure! eeeeeeeeeeeeee i can't wait for summer 2009!!! next year is going to be the best EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know at first i felt like this was impossible that i was never going to get anywhere. but after losing the first 100 the next 100 feels like well "a piece of cake". i honestly feel like i can do this and not only do it but do it fairly very easily. i no longer see this as a diet but as a way of life. this is forever, this isn't just some fad yo yo diet that we've all been accustomed to. i feel like i'm slowly conquering the evils that have been holding me back, holding me back from being me. omgosh i am so happy words can't explain! i'm going to explode with joy! i'm already a very happy happy go lucky person and now i'm amped up to 101%%%!!! heheeee yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
  5. babymk

    bum bum be-dum

    By babymk,

    i lost 1lb... ANNOYING. i was hoping to be in a certain weight range by now. this is driving me insane! i think i'm going to go run outside for a while to fight off my restlessness. i don't care if everyone stares at me either. for some weird reason i've been craving soup, like only soup, nothing else. who craves soup? normal cravings would include junk food or whatever but i'm sitting here craving soup..i think i might go get some
  6. babymk

    again?!!

    By babymk,

    i'm stuck at the same weight!!! ugh!!!!!!!! AHhhhhhhhhhhh!!! i'm not going to get to my goal by my birthday if i plateau like this again!! i'm not even worried about thanksgiving because i've realized its not about eating its about being with loved ones and being thankful, not stuffing your face...anyway i'm uploading a pic from halloween and a new solo body shot from the side. people keep asking me how i'm losing weight and i'm like eat less, eat healthy and start moving. ha.
  7. babymk
    Giovanni made me eat raisinets and milk duds last night. No matter, I still lost 2lbs after being stuck at a certain weight for 2 weeks now! Now I'm 2lbs away from hitting my 100lb lost marker! Oh yeah Giovanni is the name of the boy I talked about in the last entry about being the best of friends hmm I adore him
    This Daylight Saving thing is messing up my schedule. It's not even noon yet but I'm wide awake and ready to take on the world!
  8. babymk

    chex mix

    By babymk,

    i haven't been exercising. i've been eating bad. i haven't been drinking all my water. its just that i don't get to eat/drink throughout the day and then i go to friends parties at night and eat junk food! chips, dip, chex mix, cookies, cake!!! ahhhhhhh i got sick two nights in a row because all i ate that day was popcorn and chips. i was hurting bad the next day. my schedule has been all messed up because my boss asked me to fill in for somebody else in a different department that only works in the morning and i don't do morning shift at all! i had to re-adjust my entire life for a week and i'm all sorts of messed up right now. but at least today is the official start of my four day weekend! so i get to relax and hang out with my friends. halloween night is going to be great! i'm going to take lots of pictures!
    mario's mom saw me last week and she said i looked real good i haven't lost any weight well i mean how could i eating chips and cake for an entire week...anyway i'm going to take the next few days to get out this hole i buried myself into ..again.
    oh yes for my 23rd birthday coming up in 7 weeks i'm going to six flags! yesssss i'm not worried about not fitting into the rides because i know in 7 weeks i will be exactly where i want to be size wise and everything is going to be perfect! soo happy! oh but i'm not happy with the fact that i have to go to traffic school and pay a 470 dollar ticket for going 75 in a 65 zone! lame. whatever. BUT BUT i am happy because remember that boy i talked about that i said i had a crush on and i was jealous of his girlbestfriend well me and him are like super close friends now we're going to be the best of friends i'm so happy i met him and that he's in my life. and yes i will be taking a picture of him he's the cutest boy ever i picked out his costume, its the best! i was an angel but on halloween night i'm going to be a purple fairy i have the biggest wings ever!
  9. babymk

    Gross

    By babymk,

    yesterday i had el pollo loco chicken tostado salad. worst mistake ever! it was disgusting. it wasn't even a salad. first it had iceberg lettuce which has no fiber in it whatsoever. then they put sourcream, some kind of dressing, rice, beans, two types of cheese and chicken. the only good thing about it was the chicken everything else was disgusting and loaded with grossness. oh yeah i forgot to mention all of this is put into a big crunchy deep fried taco shell dome thingy that i did not eat because i could smell the oil saturated within it..GROSS. i ate the chicken, the iceberg and beans. i told them not to put the sourcream or dressing on it, then i threw everything else away. i was angry because i paid 4 bucks for that when i could have gone to tropical smoothie and got a REAL salad for 3 dollars more! you know with real lettuce real vegetables! i was so disappointed because i really wanted a salad not FAT. the only reason why i went was because one of my coworkers heard me say something about el pollo loco and she was like are you going can you get me some chicken then i was like i don't know i'm just talking out loud about it..then she was like are you going to go like incessantly asking me so finally i was like yeah sure ok...so i went to get her chicken and i was thinking i should just get chicken too then i was like oh a salad i really want a salad so why not right...ugh. but they do have good chicken because they don't deep fry it only grill so i would go back only for the chicken..or maybe not.
    i haven't eaten fast food in like 2 almost 3 months now so to eat something from a fast food place again really made me realize why i stopped eating fast food in the first place. so that pretty much made up my mind forever. no more fast food not even a "salad". its all gross. i hate it.
    this is horrible and really embarrassing but i don't cook. its not that i don't know how its just that i don't have time or patience. i even hate making oatmeal! we don't have a microwave because my mom read that making food with radiation was not very healthy. which makes total sense so even to heat up something i would have to "cook" it so i just say forget it and then i don't eat anything. i usually grab something fast i guess thats why i like fruits and raw veggies. maybe thats why i've been continuously losing weight too ha. if i eat meat/fish someone already made it for me. i haven't had eggs in like months because i don't even want to fry an egg i'm that anti-cooking! i don't eat pasta anymore because i don't want to boil water or heat up the sauce. i rarely eat bread because i don't want to toast it. hmmm maybe i'm just lazy....oh well...hahahaa :lol:
    anyway i lost two more lbs and another inch from my waist, hips, and thighs 6more lbs before my 100lb happy dance :D
  11. babymk

    yessssssssssss

    By babymk,

    I just want to DANCE i'm so happy! 2lbs down! i love changing my ticker thing and seeing the numbers get lower and lower. it's probably the most satisfying thing ever! i'm out of that weight "decade" wooooooooooooooooooo! 91lbs since last year!! when i lose that 9 and get to my 100lbs loss i'm doing a HAPPY DANCE! wait, too late! i'm already doing a HAPPY DANCE!!! DANCE DANCE!!!!!!!!! :lol:
  12. babymk

    can't get off this ride

    By babymk,

    it's october! and that means haunted houses and carnivals!!! and HALLOWEEN! i'm so EXCITED! we're going to have so much fun this year!! but they do limit the number of people that can go through haunted houses together...eeshh and i'm a baby because i get scared easily.
    i can't stop shopping! all i've been doing is buying new clothes! i love it! but i know i still have lots of weight to lose so i shouldn't go spending money on clothes i know i won't be wearing in a few months from now..hehee
    anyway i'm only off 1lb from where i wanted to be at the beginning of this month. so i'm pleased with that. i decided to ban any and all food considered a "snack" or "junk". you know like chips, baked goods (cookies, brownies, muffins etc.), pizza, pizza bagel bites!...you know that stuff if it has no nutritional value i'm not going to eat it.
    you know what i really hate...when i'm eating something and it goes down really easy so i start eating more of it. i have to mentally stop myself from eating the entire thing. i noticed chips are really easy for me to eat that's why i can sit there and eat a whole bag before i realize omg i've eaten the whole bag! it's not like bad chips or anything. it's like tortilla chips for salsa, but i know those aren't the most nutritional thing available.
    i'm trying to get super healthy like taking vitamins, supplements, and protein. working out, drinking lots of water, not eating fast food/JUNK.
    jake makes the best cream cheese dip ever with fresh herbs and veggies that i go gah-gah for but i think that is the exact reason my weight loss is hindering. i keep eating stuff i know does not benefit my weight loss. i eat mexican "fast food" like chipotle or this one place we love going but i know they make everything with LARD. then we go to in&out or eat frozen yogurt every weekend. I think during the week we're all really good with eating healthy food but when we get together on the weekends we kind of just let loose. i guess it's ok to do that but for me eating anything "bad" will have the weight back on in no time. when i was 15 i had gotten down to a really low weight while exercising and dieting. then summer came around and i started hanging out with all my friends. they were all skinny so they would eat everything and anything. we would stop in food courts and eat pizza, soda, maybe fries and icecream all the time. we went to theme parks, fairs, carnivals, and eat all that junk food they offered...funnel cakes, cotton candy, caramel apples, fried ANYTHING. of course they never gained any weight, but within 3 months i gained back like 25lbs by then end of the summer then it went downhill from there.
    but good news i'm 35lbs away from being exactly where i was at 15 during my lowest weight ever. i look better now because i'm taller so the weight is evenly distributed.. well as "evenly" as it could get ha.
    i realized that "old habits die hard"..but i don't want it to end up killing me plus i hate losing so i'm going to get real serious. get rid of my demons so to speak. according to my calculations if i started off right from day one i would have lost an extra 40lbs by now. so i'm behind 40lbs which really irritates me but whatever i can't dwell on the past. i can only change the now. so here i go!
  13. babymk

    only love

    By babymk,

    i'm the same weight...for the past two weeks i've stayed the same weight...WHAT!?!!! ok ok i did go on this crazy pizza and chips "binge" ....i mean we were stuck in a hotel room all day filming and all they had was pizza and chips so that's what i ate....but i swear the next day i was paying big time for it..i was sick for most of that night and the next day. i couldn't believe having 2 1/2 slices of pizza and some chips could do that to a person...but i guess i haven't eaten junk like that for so long that my body wasn't used to it. so that's a good sign right?! i'm never eating chips or pizza ever again! i'm serious. it's kind of really fun to ban certain foods. i feel like i'm finally back in control instead of letting food control me.
    so me and a bunch of my friends went hiking up to these caves in the mountains on saturday. i was pretty much the only girl surrounded by active fit boys so guess who was at the bottom of the hill??? yep ..ME..EMBARRASSING....well at least mario stayed behind with me while the other guys forged ahead. by the time we got to the opening of the cave i could feel my heart in my throat! i mean even though me and mario were behind we still kept up with them. it was like a line so yes i am proud of myself for keeping up with those boys! then they decided to explore the cave by going deeper into it. some of the boys stayed behind while several of them actually went on. i wanted to go to but i uh couldn't keep up... oh i did forget to mention it was pitch black because it was around 11 at night. hahaaa they wanted to go late for the scary effect. i mean i'm a very adventurous girl so i was seriously bummed that i couldn't go on with them. we didn't bring flash lights so everybody was using their cell phones as light and guess who doesn't bring their cell phone...yeah me again...i mean why would i need it? all my friends were there already. anyway after that day it gave me more motivation to keep going on my losing weight journey. next time i'm going to be the leader of that pack! those boys think they are sooo fast and tough...pshh....
    mario is seriously the most caring person ever. he tries to pretend like he doesn't care but he does. i truly believe actions speak louder than words. i tend to watch people and see what they do/ how they act rather then listening to what they say. mario showed me how much he does truly care about his friends and me. i knew i loved him for a reason.
    oh good news! i lost one inch from my waist and hips! yayaya!!! so i guess my body is trying to catch up with my weight...i wish it would hurry up!! so i still have clothes from when i was in high school. and i got to a really low weight in hs..but as i got older of course i got bigger and bigger but now i can fit back into my hs clothes! a lady told me the other day that she really liked my skirt and i said ha i've had this since i was 14. the most exciting part is that it's looser now than it was then!!! eep!!! yayayaa!!!
    p.s. it's never a good idea to reminisce about the past and especially certain people that are no longer in your life because they are not in your life for a reason. don't ever forget that. then why is it they keep popping into my head...eh i'm probably just feeling a little bit too nostalgic.
    EDIT: i lost another lb this afternoon. OMG my BMI is out of the 40's! pretty soon my BMI will be out of the OBESE range and i can honestly say i'm just "overweight"...hehee ok gotta go bye!
  14. babymk

    crush

    By babymk,

    i know this is dumb and i'm probably feeling sorry for myself but sometimes i see skinny pretty girls and i'm just like why couldn't i just have been like that??...why did i have to be the "fat girl"???..i look at them and just think to myself their life is probably so perfect because they're skinny and pretty and have lots of friends and don't have to worry about looking "fat" in an outfit. they can go shopping without thinking "is it going to fit" or whatever...maybe i'm just jealous because this guy i have a crush on has a girl bestfriend and she's skinny and pretty and i'm just like i look nothing like her he would never like me... i start comparing myself to other girls and i always feel like i'm not good enough. i always get passed by because i'm the fat girl. its kind of taken an a toll of my self esteem when it comes to love. i'm confident everywhere else in life except that and that's like one of the most important things...
    i know i've lost so much weight since getting the band but i feel like it's not enough..i just want to be at my goal weight already. i'm starting to lose hope/faith...i don't know what it is and i don't know why i'm feeling this way..i know i've been doing so well and i'm so happy that i've come so far...maybe i feel like I'm not doing enough...yeah i feel guilty because if i just started doing everything right from the beginning i would have lost much more weight than where i am now. but i can't think of it that way. i hate when i start seeing the "glass half empty". ok back to being more optimistic...according to my calculations if i keep going the way i'm going i will hit one of my mini goal weights by my birthday at the end of the year. so i'm really looking forward to that! i know i can do it! also if i continue on i'm pretty sure i will reach my goal weight by summer of next year i just have to stay dedicated and move forward, keeping my head high! oh yeah and stop comparing myself to other people..and maybe not have crushes on guys who don't like me....
  15. babymk

    muscles

    By babymk,

    i've been working out for the past few days. i'm focusing on my hip/thigh area. walking up and down stairs, leg/hip moves, squats, sprinting...i'm hurting bad haha but it's totally cool. i'm happy to be getting back on a fitness routine. the last time i got a fill the doctor asked me if i was doing anything to lose the weight faster and i was like i exercise sometimes. he was like thats good because that will help you speed along the process so yeah i'm definitely exercising for sure now. the other day i was so busy i didn't have time to drink water so i was dehydrated all day long. i was miserable when i was supposed to be having a good time with my friends. so i'm always going to drink my water now! i have to go now bye!
    p.s. i dropped 3 more lbs since last week
  16. babymk

    always up to no good...

    By babymk,

    so i'm kinda annoyed right now because in two weeks i only lost 1lb....1lb!!! AGHhh!! well i guess thats what i get because i've been eating string cheese and frozen yogurt, not getting in any vitamins or protein..and definitely not getting all my water in.. mehhh...
    i decided to go through all my clothes and throw away/donate anything larger than a size large. its best to live in the present and not in the past. i'm never going back so might as well start now.
    omgosh i'm so happy because i haven't eaten fast food in a whole month! i think i have more money because of it! actually i rarely spend money on food now only groceries. FAST FOOD FREE (FFF)!!!!! yippeeeee!!!
    so i know how much i weigh but lately i still feel huge. my clothes fit so much better and i'm wearing clothes i used to wear in hs when i was at my lowest but for some weird reason i feel like my fat is hanging out and i look really fat but i know i'm not. the other night i ate some chocolate and that night i had a nightmare i gained 20lbs back! it was the WORST!
    so i haven't really worked out..i'm just a lot more active. i walk as often as possible. if i'm at work, i'll walk on my breaks and lunches. if i'm at home i'll walk around my place or go for a walk outside. right now i feel like running up and down the stairs!! i've been feeling like that lately. like i just want to get up and do something...i guess i'm sort of restless right now. i want the weight gone and i want it gone now! i was hoping to lose 50lbs by december..i know that's a lot of weight but i really want to do it! i kind of made a mini goal/promise to myself that i was going to be at a certain weight by my 23rd birthday...i wouldn't want any presents or anything else.. or even anything for christmas just as long as i kept that promise to myself. that would be the best gift in the world!
  17. babymk

    huh??...

    By babymk,

    i don't know if this is a compliment or just really creepy...but this lady had told my friend that if she had my face she would do anything to lose the weight... i guess i should take it as a compliment...anyway
    i'm kind of annoyed because this other lady was saying that every time she sees me i'm always eating...uh first of all that's not true! she only sees me eat because when i first get into work i don't have time to eat breakfast so i'll sit there and eat breakfast. so hello!! ugh whatever somebody is always going to have something to say..always negative never positive with some people. i don't let it get me down because i'm doing something to change myself for the better so in due time they will all see!!!
    I'm really happy because i can wear anything i want without covering up. i'm not embarrassed anymore and that just feels amazing! who knew losing 70lbs can make you feel like a completely different person. Another 70lbs and i'm going to be an entirely different person. i've always had confidence and self esteem, but there was always something missing. it was like in the back of my mind i knew something was still wrong with me.
    well the sun is setting and i want to go watch it so bye! oh yeah mario and jake came back and i picked them up from the airport a few days ago..here's a pic of them with beauty queens that they took on the cruise boat yeah...i didn't even ask..it's just one of those things you just don't say anything..hahahaa

    mario bought me earrings they are sooo cute! look!

  18. babymk

    ^_^

    By babymk,

    teehee it's been two weeks today since i started back on my healthy lifestyle and i finally weighed myself..I LOST 5 more lbs!!!! eeekkkkkkk I AM SO HAPPY !!!
    there has been lots and lots of drama in my life but i'm just so over it! i'm getting rid of anything and ANYBODY negative in my life. I'm not looking back either. I'm not going to be the "bigger" person and say "let's try to make this work", "let's talk"..or anything! People have used and abused me. Only now am I finally standing up for myself! If that makes me seem "childish" or "selfish" i really don't care anymore. All I have been is "mature" and "selfless" when it concerns other people. I always try to be the peacemaker, to make everything conflict/tension free. But I've just realized some people will never change and that's fine with me. They can go on their life without me in it, thank you very much.
    yesterday at work these older ladies were talking about me in chinese. my friend had told me what they said after they left. they said i had the prettiest face but that i was just big (FAT). they were just like why can't she just lose the weight...at first i laughed because i've heard this sooo many times by people. family, friends, and even strangers tell me all the time.."you're so pretty, now only if you would lose the weight"...and i'm like I KNOW I KNOW! WHAT DO THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO SINCE I WAS 11!!!! they just think i eat and eat all day long. that i'm lazy and i don't exercise..ehh..whatever. i'm sick of them too. I'm so tired of people putting me down and not seeing the progress i've made. it doesn't matter anyway, their opinions mean nothing. ONLY MINE DOES.
    And right now I have lost 70lbs since my surgery and when my surgery anniversary comes up i'm pretty sure i'll reach that 100lbs weight lost range. So 1 year and losing 100lbs is pretty amazing. and yes i will toot my own horn! TOOT TOOT!!
    oh I'm going this thursday to the oc center in tijuana to get my third fill. yippee i'll be there at 9 in the morning! k bye!
  19. babymk

    Official

    By babymk,

    You know what I wish? That people were honest with themselves. Why hide who you are? It just frustrates me when people lie. What's even more frustrating is knowing they are lying to themselves. I'm not talking about things you can change externally, I'm talking about from within. If you know something is true, but you turn the blind eye... What are you so afraid of? Why don't you live?
    ...............................................................................
    mario left tonight.. he's on a plane to miami. i love him. i tell him all the time how much i love him because i think it's important to tell all the people that you truly love and care about, that you love them as much as possible. life is so beautiful and very unpredictable. I have never lost anyone i loved, so i'm lucky, but i've learned from others to never take anyone/anything for granted.
    i'm going strong on my "diet"...um i mean "lifestyle change" as each day passes it gets easier and easier. i guess it takes practice to get it right. i still haven't weighed myself and i probably won't until next week..i don't want to get frustrated because of slow progress and/or plateaus. it's better this way. i think once every two weeks should be sufficient. i know it's going to take me a full year to lose the rest of the weight, so slow and steady. i'm good to go
  20. babymk

    Hump day

    By babymk,

    so it's day three! everyone says the third day is always the hardest because, well, actually i don't know why??..well anyway, i've been reading the forums and i still see some people eat fast food...i don't want to sound rude or mean but ARE YOU CRAZY!!??!! fast food is probably the worst thing you could ever put into your body!! its like the equivalent to crack for a crackhead!!! ugh i don't know, i'm done judging..i'm just going to take care of myself. i refuse to eat fast food anymore. i have to get it out of my system. its my worst eating habit ever. like i said crack to the crackhead. its crack to the fat person. but this a good thing..during my indulgence week i avoided mcdonalds..weird since mcdonalds is like my favorite ever. i just went to sonics a lot because its hot and i wanted icecream and corndogs. hahaa
    i've been feeling good and almost like my old self again. i want my energy and spunk back, i think by the end of the week i'll have it all back! then i'll be super happy and bubbly like how i always am or maybe not since mario is leaving me for a week...ughhhh...i mean i have other friends but i only like to hang with mario because he's my bestestEVER, nobody can compare. its funny because all my other friends will always ask me to hang out with them and i'm like no because i wait for mario to ask me to hang out..thats probably the worst thing ever to do because thats the first sign of DEPENDENCY...eesh i hate that word.
    anyway speaking of bestesEVER, J, my sf friend is in Milwaukee, wi visiting her family. she texted me yesterday telling me her dad pointed at her big fat stomach and said she wasn't "fat" but "big-boned".........HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA :lol: i know as well as she does, that she is not "big-boned", she has a gut because she's fat bottomline. she's 5'6 and at least 160lbs. she carries all her weight on her top half and belly because she's an upside down triangle as i call her. I'm a pear, so we're opposite in body shape. i carry all my weight in my hips, butt, thighs etc. i don't know if its a blessing or a curse i mean love my shape. i don't want to be a stick. so even when i reach my goal weight my bottom half will still be big but that doesn't bother me as long as i look good in whatever i wear
    so i found this one website that measured body fat and such. here's my calculations:
    Your body fat percentage=> 28.8%
    Your lean weight is => 182.3lbs
    You have 73.7% of fat on your body
    Great I have 74 lbs of fat on my body...
    My body fat % is in the average range but the ideal range which "indicates a good level of fitness" is 21-24%
    http://www.inch-aweigh.com/calc_body_fat.htm
    okay now i just went to this website:
    http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/h...t-2774-143.html
    Home Body Fat Test
    Your Results
    You have 33.8% body fat.
    You have 86.5 Pounds of fat and 169.5 Pounds of lean (muscle, bone, body water).

    ok i have between 74 and 87lbs of fat on my body that needs to be gone!!! i can't wait to lose all this weight. seriously i'm over being fat!
    ......
    so sometimes i go around to different websites and read how people are losing weight. Just getting tips for eating habits and exercise.i came upon a girl's journal where she had posted pictures of her after 4 months of "working out/eating healthy" pictures. she looked fabulous, but that's because she was never "fat" she's one of those girls that are skinny but don't tone. There were tons of comments asking what she did to look like that. one commenter asked her how to eat healthy because its seems to be the hardest thing for her to do. then the girl replied that eating healthy was the easiest part of being healthy. i laughed when i read this comment because if it was i wouldn't be fat....or maybe i'm just stubborn?? anyway so she tells her all these good eating habits to do like not eat anything processed and stay away from refined sugars, which is really good advice because i've been told these many many times. but after reading it from this girl, that's my age and seeing how easy she made it seem gave me a confidence boost to just do it. if its easy for her then it could be easy for me! well thats my mentality at least, it does help because i did lose 64lbs and kept it off now! hooray! now only if the next 65lbs could come off faster that would be EXCELLENT! sometimes i get discouraged because of all the weight i have to lose compared to others who only have 50 or less lbs to lose. i'm like omg that's nothing compared to a human being i have to lose!!! you just have to get rid of a 6 year old. hahaa but i guess trying to lose weight is always going to be hard so hooray for everybody on the same journey!
  21. babymk

    control

    By babymk,

    i haven't weighed myself lately. i'm too afraid of what it will say. i've been eating really bad for the past week without exercise. i feel disgusting. on the bright side, yesterday i went back on my diet and am now completing day one i guess it is true that what you eat really affects your moods and how you look. i felt horrible snacking on chips and slushies all day. gross. i was sluggish, tired, and lazy. my skin turned disgusting after a few days of eating junk food. my friend said i had bags under my eyes! WHAT!?!! i was so upset because it was true! i did! ahhhhh!! i was like that's what i get for not getting enough sleep, eating WRONG, and not exercising! i couldn't believe i was breaking down after only one week of eating junk food!!! that is it! i'm never touching the stuff ever again! its going to make me look old and remain fat! i can't have that! i know this seems really really shallow but i NEVER EVER want to look old ever in my life. even when i'm 70 i don't want to look old. no wrinkles, or fine lines for me EVER!! and especially no bags!!! i know i cannot achieve that if i abuse my body by feeding it junk. i don't smoke, drink or do drugs because i know thats the quickest way to make you feel and LOOK a bajillion times older than you are..and not the attractive way either. so i'll weigh myself in a week from now and see where i'm at. i'm pretty much done with sabotaging myself.
    haha i just re-read my last blog entry. i must have been really tired because there were more run sentences then usual and missing words which changed the whole meaning of what i was trying to convey. oh well..i'm going to sleep now so i can get 9 hours of sleep so i don't have bags underneath my eyes!!
  22. babymk
    my sf friend is in town again and i actually decided to hang out with her because i was just feeling good. i got the day off so i decided to hang with her. i asked her if she wanted to like skate around the neighborhood to jamba juice or whereever. this was like at 5 in the afternoon and the sun is still shining high so it was all good. but we didn't make out till 9 because she was held "hostage" by her family which was perfect because i just wanted to be lazy lounging around the house. anyway by 9pm we were out skating. i showed her my skills and she was like OMG you know how to skate!! and i was like yeah i know its awesome right?! hahaa anyway we were like lets go to walmart and buy a skateboard for her so we did. but walmart skateboards really suck..anyway we were skating around the walmart parking lot for a while then decided to go to the movies and watch "THE DARK KNIGHT"...hahaa yeah i finally gave in and went to see it. i mean everybody was like you have to see the dark knight its sooo good so i was like eh ok ok and it was good! it was sick and twisted like something i would expect from a horror movie but not batman. hahaa i love horror movies so this was an A+++ in my book! then we went to ihop and got spinach mushroom dishes. it was delicious! then two cops walked in to eat and one was soooooooo cute. like really cute. i started to squeal like a twelve year old and the waitress was laughing at us because we were acting like school girls. but i couldn't help it he was adorable! so handsome and young. i smiled at him and he smiled at me then i died! oh my heart...pitter patter, pitter patter ...teeheehee. my friend made things even worse because she was like he's staring at you and i'm like i know stop it we look really dumb standing here giggling like little school girls! but then we started laughing like crazies again! eek i'm so embarrassed because i couldn't stop smiling while glancing at him and he totally saw me blushing like a maniac. oh but he sure did have the most beautiful-est smile i've ever seen on a man..hmmm we were thinking of maybe running into his patrol car so he would come out and talk to us or arrest us. either way i would have gotten a chance to talk to him j/k
    today is jake's 26th birthday! i called him at 3 in the morning to wish him a happy birthday. he was sleeping but he picked up to talk to me. i didn't want him to i was just going to leave a voicem. he's in la for business but he comes home tomorrow so we can celebrate! mario wants to bake him a cake. yayayaya! i told mario we should drive to la and surprise him! but mario has to work. it would have been really fun. i think the boys are going to move to la next year..i probably will too. just thinking about them leaving me here in vegas alone makes me sad. i love them so much. it would be like breaking up a family. they're like my brothers and i would miss them terribly. thats horrible..all my bestfriends would be in california and i would be the only one left in vegas like a loser!
    i'm still eating like whatever i want. i'll get back on tomorrow. today me and j (sf friendforever) will probably go skating and shopping. i can't wait! we always have so much fun together when she's not being RUDE but its ok because i will put her in her place like nobody's business if she wants to get an attitude with me!
    ha i forgot to mention that she was going to buy elbow pads but they cost like 20 bucks which was like half the price of her walmart skateboard so she didn't get it. but i think she should have because the first time she falls real hard on the pavement she's going to be in a huge shock like i was. i don't fall off my skateboard anymore but that's because i haven't tried to do a tailstop lately..i mean remember that bruise?! its not green/yellow/dark purple anymore its a faint purple which means its finally healing. i found a knee pad that i use as an elbow pad ha i don't care if it looks weird at least i'm not busting my elbow! k busy day tomorrow gotta get lots of sleep bye
  23. babymk

    salsa!

    By babymk,

    the puerto rican food was delicious! i basically ate like half a chicken and a piece of cow. then we salsa-ed all night! haha! mario's mom was exhausted because she was dancing with mario. she didn't realize mario can dance and shake it like nobody's business! but i do because me and mario dance like all the time. i can keep up with him because i'm used to it. plus i workout, i'm young, and i have soo much energy. i could dance all night if somebody told me i had to!
    i had hit a plateau only losing a lb in one week so i decided to trick my body by eating lots of calories because my exercise routines varies so that's not the problem. i used to feel horrible about going on and off of my diet by eating lots of calories to eating a good amount. actually...i don't even count calories. i'm more about eating right. like i know eating that cheeseburger isn't healthy so i just avoid it. but then days when i feel like i'm not losing weight fast enough i get frustrated and eat that cheeseburger! then i get back on my diet and the weight just drops off. so now i know that zig zagging your calories does work. if i want to zig zag my calories so i don't get into a rut with weight plateaus i have too eat just a little bit more but of healthy foods as well! yesterday i ate more food than usual but it took me so long to get any of it down that's why usually i don't eat lots of food anymore because with the band it takes me like 4 times as long to eat one plate of food when it takes everybody else 15 minutes. so i'm not necessarily "pigging out", its just more food than i'm used to eating since the surgery. i think i'm going to go three days of "pigging out" then get back onto my diet and see how it goes. i was hoping to be down a certain weight this month so we'll see.
    i'm really starting to see the choices i make now. like i choose not to drink soda anymore and i choose not to eat at fast food places. i mean those options are always going to be open but i rather not. the other day my co-worker went to mcdonalds and usually i always get something but yesterday for the first time i can honestly say i truly did not want anything from that place. its sooo weird and at the same time i feel so good about it! i never drink soda anymore. i can't even remember the last time, its been that long...i want fast food to be like that also. i want it to be a habit for me where i never stop at a fast food place ever again to the point where i can't remember the last time i did. i'm happy
  24. babymk

    addict.

    By babymk,

    can somebody please tell me why i'm looking at fast food nutritional facts aka excruciating slow torture??! ( so i have a thing for wendy's chili..i like to put two of those sour cream thingys in it and eat it like that. i know i'm horrible! but i did resist the urge. so hard.
    so at work i'm sitting between two people eating Hawaiian food..not fun ( ..i wanted some sooooo bad you don't even realize!! ( i'm surprised i kept my cool so well. then for at least half an hour i was talking to my coworker about our favorite places to eat. how is it that i can talk about food for half an hour?!!! ugh.
    i'm kind of annoyed at how some people can lose weight so quickly than others. especially if the two are about the same weight and started around the same time.
    well i shouldn't be too upset i mean everybody is different. it depends on lots of other things so i shouldn't get too caught up in numbers. ugh..now i just looked up Hawaiian food places...what is wrong with me?!! i have to get my mind off of this! #-o i think i'm just sleepy. its getting close to my bed time anyway.
    tomorrow mario's family is having a reunion and its going to be nothing but puerto rican food for miles! his family from new york is coming so its going to be huge. speaking of mario..him and jake are going to the bahamas in august for their birthdays. of course i can't go ..whatever i'll let those two go holding hands together frolicking about...
    i'm not going anywhere for summer this year and that seriously sucks! ok i have to look at this from the positive side. not going on vaca means i won't be eating like a crazy. also i'll have time to devote to myself. yeah that's right! so i guess this summer is about getting right. everybody can go do their little road trips and bahama cruises all they want! I DON'T CARE. more time for me!!!! /biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' /><' />
    i think i'm going to make another ticker tracker thing for a mini weight loss goal. you know like break it up so i'll be like yeah i hit a goal wooo hooo or something like that. but its more for hitting that weight where i'm under a certain weight which i'm aiming for in december on my birthday. it would be the bestest gift i could give myself
  25. babymk
    so i'm only going to weigh myself on sundays and thursdays. they seem to be the days i actually get some results! so i was talking to one of my friends who also got the surgery done about how i hate that i'm not losing the weight fast enough. she tells me that mass weighs more than fat..i think..she continues with an analogy about how a basketball and golf ball weigh the same. the difference is that the basketball is full of air aka fat. she said it was obvious i was losing fat so she told me to keep doing what i was doing. so that gave me the confidence to keep on track no matter how discouraging that scale makes me feel. i know its not about what's on the scale either. it's about inches and how you feel. i feel great and i notice my clothes that i saved from 3/4 years ago when i weighed less, fit once again. during that time i was the same weight i am right now. i'm happy about that. i think i'm scared of not losing and staying at this weight or something and never getting to my goal. i really hope that doesn't happen because just thinking about it makes me want to cry. i've never been skinny in my whole entire life so just to have it for even one day i would die happy. i don't want to be fat my entire life..i don't want to be fat for even another year! i can't take it anymore. i don't want to lie to myself and say i'm happy being fat when i'm not. i can't truly be happy knowing that i'm excluded from certain activities or projects because of my weight. it's not fun to be limited by something you know you did to yourself. so i'm the only one to blame and the ONLY ONE to fix it. so with that said i'm going to go exercise now
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